Where What When

The Sayings That Keep Me Sane

Anyone who has children knows that there are good days and difficult days on the path of child rearing. The good days go something like this: All toys are shared and then picked up when the kids finish playing, parents are listened to the first time they make a request, vegetables are eaten at meals without complaint, and the baby sleeps through the night. That happened in our house, once.

Then there are the tough days. We recently had one of those, too. It started when my boys were getting dressed. They had a heated argument about whose slippers are the warmest. Could there be anything less important to argue about? Yes. At breakfast they tussled over who had more butter on their toast. At the supermarket that afternoon, those two thought it was hilarious to wrestle on the floor (yuck!) while I was checking out. A little later, my baby pulled a barrette out of her hair and promptly swallowed it. After calling 911 and a quick trip to the emergency room, it turned out she was fine, thank G-d.

Most days with my children are somewhere between these two extremes. But when their behavior begins to drive me crazy, I repeat one the following phrases to help me deal with the issue at hand without yelling or losing my patience. Sayings are great because they’re short and easy to remember, and the wisdom in them is obvious.

Here are the few sayings that have saved my sanity:

This Too Shall Pass (Gam Zeh Ya’avor): Torah sages remind us that life is made up of stages. So many scenes with my children are just manifestations of age-appropriate behaviors. For example, my darling baby daughter cries and follows me every time I walk out of a room. One day she will be more independent, right? Surely, my sons, as they get older, won’t be competitive about who has the warmest slippers anymore. These normal childhood behaviors could even seem funny, if you remember they will pass in time.

Some Days We Just Muddle Through: A friend asked her rebbetzin, a very experienced mother, for advice on surviving a tough day at home with the kids. She expected to be told some practical tips to employ in managing children. Instead, she was taught something much more useful – to accept that there are up-days and down-days; not every day will be easy or picture perfect. It’s okay to muddle through once in a while and start fresh again the next day.

The Days Are Long and the Years Are Short: Someone told me this when I was transitioning from career-woman to first-time, at-home mom. I was always so tired then. Also, I was pretty bored from a lack of mental stimulation. It was hard to get out or get anything done with a new baby. Somehow, this phrase helped me keep it in perspective. Time passes quickly, and children grow up fast. One day they’ll all be in school and I’ll be ready to work (outside the home) again. In the meantime, I can enjoy these baby and preschool years while they’re still here.

All Beginnings Are Hard (Kol Hatchala Kasha): Now that we’ve been blessed with our third baby, I am amazed at how easy it is to get out and take care of the house with a baby around. But I remember how hard it was for me with the first baby (see previous paragraph). And so many other “firsts” have been hard to manage, too. Once the situation isn’t so new, though, it won’t be as hard to handle. Again, our Torah sages comfort us and remind us that time and experience will make new challenges become easier.

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Try Try Again: I have two words for this: potty training.

Oh Well, Babies Are Like That: Richard Scarry, a favorite children’s author, wrote this in a book, and we thought it was funny. My husband and I quote this to each other when the baby is just doing normal yet trying baby things, like waking up very early in the morning (4:45!), emptying the dishwasher as I load it, destroying her brother’s block buildings, and pulling tablecloths off the table. Have a sense of humor about your children’s antics! Accept that babies just do these things, and you can survive a frustrating event with more serenity.

Children Are Entitled to Tantrums, Parents are Not: I coined this phrase myself when I realized that I could melt down nearly as easily as my children. Let’s face it, there are only so many times a day a parent can take being told “no” in response to a reasonable request. Finally, I just realized that someone needed to be the grown-up around here – and that was probably me! So, instead of yelling when I reach my frustration point, I try to take a deep breath, redirect the difficult situation, and wait a few minutes before asking for the child’s cooperation again.

This, Too, Is for the Best (Gam Zeh Letova): It’s hard to recognize how an unpleasant event could be for the best. The terror I felt while watching my baby daughter struggle to breathe after swallowing her barrette is indescribable. I may never know why this minor trauma occurred, but I do know that it was part of Hashem’s plan. Knowing this is comforting and helps me accept the more challenging times in child rearing.

Maintaining serenity in the home is important. Children need to see a calm, reasonable parent upon whom they can rely. Keep these phrases handy – you never know when one of your adorable kids will try your patience, and you’ll need to call upon a pearl of wisdom to get you through.

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Article List - February 2007