It was Sunday night, March 15, when a close family friend returned my call regarding a business-related matter. She sounded terrible. I assumed that she, like many of us, was scared of the virus: the injury and damage it has already wrought as well as the unknown potential effects, chas veshalom, that may loom ahead, Hashem Yishmor.
I was wrong. She had full faith in the Ribono shel Olam (G-d) – that only He was in charge and knew exactly what He was doing. Hashem would only do, or allow happen, what is best for His people. So why was she so depressed? The news of the shul closures in Baltimore had just been released. The men in her family at home, her husband and 16-year-old son, would not be able to daven with a minyan. In particular, the thought that her son, who had developed an unswerving desire and love for tefilah b’tzibur, rarely if ever missing a minyan, would not be able to daven with his friends in yeshiva or his father in shul, was extremely distressing. I tried to “comfort” her with words I cannot even now remember. We talked it through for a few minutes. I think she felt better. But I felt worse.
Tefilah b’tzibur has always been an integral part of our family. When I became bar mitzva in Cleveland (seems like centuries ago), my rebbe gave me a challenge. He explained that there are approximately 1,200 tefilos in a 365-day year (including Musaf). “Let’s see how few tefilos b’tzibur you miss in this first year as a gadol.”
I took the challenge. The tefilos in school made Shacharis and Mincha easy. But Maariv and off days were tough. I remember riding my bike, literally through rain, sleet, and even snow, in the harsh Cleveland winters. I remember leaving early from the Cleveland Indians stadium, before the end of the second game of a double header (remember those) to get to shul on time. I cannot remember how many tefilos b’tzibur I missed, but I know it was under 75.
Years later, I presented this challenge to our son and, later, to our grandsons. They all beat me, b”H, by a country mile.
So, for my family, our friend’s family, and countless others, tefilah b’tzibur is an integral part of our lives. Not just for the men. Wives and mothers adapt their schedules and, in a myriad of ways, encourage and facilitate their men to attend minyanim regularly.
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So how are we supposed to feel now? Does Hashem, chas veshalom, not want our tefilos b’tzibur? Have we been abusing the opportunities that tefilah with a minyan grants? Why is He telling us “Don’t come to My Mikdash Me’at?” The answers to the above are far above my pay grade. I suspect few, if any, can claim they know why this has happened to klal Yisrael. The advice to close shuls came from our Gedolim, our revered spiritual leaders, who would want nothing more than to see the shuls filled with minyanim. Aside, perhaps, from being a government mandate, the Gedolim see this as a matter of piku’ach nefesh. That being the case, it is clear, at least to me, that it is ratzon Hashem that we daven b’yichidus (alone) or in minimal groups. So, rather than trying to decipher Hashem’s reasons, perhaps we should focus on what we could and should do given the present, iy”H, temporary, situation. We must find ways to compensate for the lack of tefilah b’tzibur.
Disclaimer: I am writing the following thoughts for my family and close friends. I do not feel worthy or capable of offering guidance to our incredible community. But, I have been encouraged to share this with the public. I beg forgiveness in advance if I sound condescending or presumptuous. These are simply my thoughts. One can agree or disagree.
- As a pre-condition to tefilah b’tzibur, there has to be “tefilah.” Davening with a minyan does not obviate the need to daven properly and prepare oneself to do so. Yes, tefilah b’tzibur is more potent and has its advantages, but it still requires each of us to offer a proper tefilah. Perhaps we should view this time of davening b’yichidus as an opportunity to recalibrate our tefilos. With the time we save traveling to and from shul and the schmoozing after davening, let’s learn more deeply about the tefilos themselves. Let’s try to understand the efficacy of tefilah, why it works and how it “changes” Hashem’s mind, kiviyachol. There appears to be an infinite number of sefarim in Hebrew and English that can help us develop a better and more meaningful tefilah experience. Five minutes a day could work wonders. And, share what you have learned with the rest of the family.
- We have learned that the ikar (principal) tefilah b’tzibur is to say – specifically, to start – Shmoneh Esrei with the tzibur. Often we are late to shul and find ourselves skipping parts of davening (Korbonos, sections of Pesukei d’Zimra, etc.) in order to start the Amidah with the others. I have heard from numerous men that they “hardly ever” say all of Pesukei d’Zimra as they rush and skip to join the others. When davening alone, in an effort to make it meaningful, let’s not skip. What a difference it would make if we read, say, and understand each word of the tefilah. I think this can give us all an entirely new perspective on the words of the siddur, particularly those words that are often neglected.
Additionally, this might be a good time to include the entire segment of the Ketores in our tefilos. We all are aware of the Chazal that teaches us the power of the Ketores to halt a mageifa, r”l.
- Ask most men how “terrible” they feel when there is a bris or another simcha that allows/requires us to skip Tachanun, especially on Mondays and Thursdays. It doesn’t have to be a simcha per se. It could be the yahrzeit of a Rebbe or the day someone was released from prison. Most of us would accept any excuse to skip Tachanun. How many of us say Tachanun while davening on a plane or, for that matter, when davening at home b’yichidus? I felt the same way until a neighbor of mine in Yerushalayim told me a story.
This neighbor, a scholarly, learned older gentleman, lived in or near the Shaarei Chesed neighborhood all his life. He knew Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, zt”l, quite well. He told me that once Rav Auerbach was walking into the Gra shul in Shaarei Chesed on a Monday or Thursday. Someone told him that a certain person was making a bris that day and would likely daven with the same minyan: hence, no Tachnun. As it turned out, the baal bris went to another shul, and Rav Auerbach was informed accordingly, whereupon, he was heard to remark (in Yiddish), “Baruch Hashem! I would not want to miss saying those beautiful words of tachnunim.”
This gave me an entirely new perspective on Tachanun. Look at the words of the Monday/Thursday Tachanun. Count how many times there is a plea to Hashem to remove the mageifa (plague) or to save us from an eis tzara (time of trouble). Whether a yachid has an obligation to say Tachanun or not, perhaps it is a good idea, during this crisis, that we do indeed say it – and with kavanah (sincerity).
- Many wear hats, jackets, and even ties when davening in shul but are often less demanding of themselves when davening b’yichidus. Recently, my wife and I went, again, to visit a dear friend of ours who is suffering from advanced ALS. He cannot talk or move any part of his body other than his eyes. He has advanced computer software programs that allow him to focus his eye on a word on the screen, or a series of letters that will spell a word, and the computer makes the audible pronouncement of the word. It is very difficult and frustrating for him. It is painful to watch. Yet when it is time to daven, he will always have his jacket, hat, and tie put on for him as he is about to engage with the Melech (King). This has made a major impact on me; it has taught me how important and impactful it is to wear proper attire for tefilah even when alone at home.
- We all know of the importance and value of davening with netz in the morning. If we can have both, netz and a minyan, great. But netz, even b’yichidus, is said to be of great value and potency. Some would argue that, given the choice to daven with a minyan not at netz vs. davening at netz without a minyan, netz alone is preferable. While we may have no option for a minyan for the time being, wouldn’t it be a good idea to daven each morning with netz? As of this writing, that may be relatively easy. But as the spring progresses, and netz is earlier and earlier, maybe the zechus of forcing ourselves out of bed early to daven netz will be the zechus we need to reverse this terrible gezeira (decree).
6. Sometimes in shul we are reluctant to daven out loud. We might disturb the guys near us. But, there are many sources that tell of the value of davening b’kol (aloud). While davening at home, it might make the tefilah alone more meaningful if we daven b’kol. But there is no need to wake up the household. This might be a good time to start making brachos out loud, if not already doing so. We have temporarily lost the zechus of saying amen to so many brachos in shul. Let’s try to compensate for that loss.
7. Many families now have their children at home. Of course, we want our children to daven as is appropriate for their various ages. This might be a good opportunity to daven with those children, even if you have already davened (at netz). Take different parts of davening and learn about it with them. Wouldn’t this be a great way to make lemonade out of lemons?
8. Give tzedakah during davening at the same time you would have done so in shul. Admittedly, this might be a minor item. But perhaps keeping up the “shul minhagim” will get us back into shul sooner.
During this time, there will be far fewer meshulachim collecting during davening or coming to our homes. We should make an effort to continue our support of aneyei Eretz Yisrael, the poor of Israel. There are many organizations that support these families in Eretz Yisrael. And many have websites that allow for contributions online. Maybe we should take out an Agudah scrip or two every day, put it aside, and distribute it when this is over (iy”H quickly).
I would like to conclude with a summary of the above and a short, personal story. Whatever the reason, we are temporarily locked out of the shuls and, hence, from tefilah b’tzibur generally. Let’s use this time to focus inward and on our personal connection to Hashem. As Rav Moshe Weinberger often says, we can be so busy in our learning, Davening, and daily activities that we forget to focus on our relationship with Hashem. Do we remind ourselves that He truly loves us? Are we always cognizant of the fact that He is looking out for us and wants to hear from us? I do not believe Hashem does not want our tefilos. Personally, I believe He may want us to work on our tefilos and reconnect with Him.
I see one major danger in long term davening b’yichidus. Allow me to explain with the story: Many years ago, I was visiting with a client whose business we insured. A close friend, a talmid chacham and attorney, referred me to this client. He suggested that I take off my hat and not wear a yarmulke while sitting in the meeting with him. Upon arrival, I took off my coat and hat and sat down. His secretary quickly came and hung them up in the hall closet. As the meeting wound down, the owner wanted to show me the plant, under the same roof. I didn’t have my hat but thought it okay because I was still inside. As we approached the work area, I suddenly realized that I was walking through a courtyard with no roof. I quickly, and awkwardly, covered my head with my sleeve and followed him.
I later shared the incident with the Rosh Hayeshiva, Harav Yaakov Weinberg, zt”l. I asked him would it have been okay for me, under the circumstances, to walk the 30 feet without a head covering. His response was classic. With a broad smile he said, “Yes, Chaim, it would have been okay.” Then, after a brief pause, he added, “But, don’t enjoy it!”
I thought about that advice. I realized the Rosh Hayeshiva was saying something very profound. There are times we must and are allowed to do something that is not appropriate. Or, we are prevented from doing something that we should be doing. In each case, the halacha may be on our side, or we invoke “Hashem understands.” But we risk feeling smug about it, as if we got away with something. That’s dangerous.
On a rainy or cold day, it might feel very good not to have to go out. You would much rather daven at home, but you have to go to shul. Today, we cannot daven in shul or with a minyan. We cannot let ourselves get comfortable with this. We must feel unsettled by the requirement to daven at home.
When this is over, rather than say, “I gotta go to shul” or “I gotta daven now,” we should try to say “I want to go to shul. I want to daven now.”
Let’s always want to go to shul. Let’s prepare ourselves for the quick return to tefilah b’tzibur. In that way, when we do go back, iy”H soon, we will appreciate the shul and tefilah b’tzibur even more.
