“He is such an INTJ!” or “She is such an E!” or, perhaps, “I don’t get along with Ps.”
Ever meet one of
those Myers-Briggs fans, spewing the jargon? We’ll take a deep dive into this
popular personality testing system, and you can decide for yourself if you love
it or hate it. Perhaps you’ll even join the bandwagon.
That Suffocating Little Box
Many people
approach personality systems with hesitation. It seems judgmental. It can feel
suffocating when someone proclaims with a sweep of the hand that they’ve “got
you,” down to all the intricacies and inner workings of your personality. As
one test taker said before clicking to get his results, “I was nervous.”
But surprisingly,
many, after taking the test and viewing the results, expressed that they liked
what they saw. “I first took this test almost as a joke,” said Breina. “My
friend was trying to keep me busy, so she gave me the test to fill out. It was
full of loaded personal questions which were hard to answer. Then I got my
results. I was surprised. It felt good – like I was unique but
understood.”
Not everyone was
gung-ho. There was some skepticism as well: “It has a certain chochma,
but it is relatively simple. It boxes people in,” said another test taker. “People
are multifaceted, and they can’t always be broken down so easily.”
As humans, we
chafe at being stuffed into a little box and told who we are and how we should
act. At the same time, as humans, we love to be understood. It’s a thin line.
Read on, and see for yourself where you stand.
So What Is the Myers-Briggs System?
Myers-Briggs is a
personality typing system made up of four continuums. Each continuum explains a
different aspect of the human personality and ranges from two opposite
extremes. For example, how one relates to others will be called the
extraverted/introverted continuum. Each extreme is shortened to a letter. For
example, extroversion is known as E and introversion as I.
The four
continuums are:
·
Extraverted/Introverted (E/I)
·
Sensing/Intuition (S/N)
·
Thinking/Feeling (T/F)
·
Judging/Perceiving (J/P)
No person is 100%
either extreme, but whichever side you lean towards more is your dominant
letter. For example, if someone scores 60% on the extraverted/introverted
continuum, he is considered an E, an extravert, even though 40% percent of his
personality is introverted as well.
The Four Continuums in Depth
Extroverted
/Introverted:
These characterizations are well known outside the scope of personality tests
and make their way into everyday conversation, often as stereotypes. Quiet,
subdued, and bookish? You’re probably an introvert. Shallow, loud, bubbly
chatterbox? There’s a sure extravert. In truth, there is more nuance in these
characterizations. It is possible to be a quiet extravert or a loud introvert.
It really comes down to where one gets one’s energy from.
Extraverts direct
their energy outwards. They get energy from spending time with people, from
things, from situations – from things outside of themselves. They are freer to
express emotion with others and will get caught up in the excitement of the
moment. They thrive on interacting with people.
Introverts, on the
other hand, direct their energy inwards. They get energized from their own mind
and thoughts. They are therefore harder to get to know and need more alone
time. As the stereotype goes, they often have fewer yet richer friendships and
prefer a one-to-one coffee date to a party with dancing. Extraverts and
introverts may both enjoy social interaction, but for an extravert, such interaction
is energizing them, while for an introvert, such interaction is draining. They
will need to recharge after, alone.
Everyone has both
introverted and extroverted qualities. It is not an either/or question. Rather,
Myers-Briggs helps one pinpoint the more dominant trait. Many have found this
to be helpful. One test taker, Chedva, said, “I had always thought I was an
introvert because I am sometimes shy in social settings, but after taking the
quiz I realized I was actually an extrovert, who can be shy. I love weddings
and parties and getting together with friends; it just made sense.” Social
interaction energized Chedva, and although her shyness sometimes held her back,
it was not her innate wiring.
Goldie also found
relief when she realized she was more introverted. Naturally very bubbly, she
always assumed she was an all-around people person, a total extrovert. When she
realized she was really a bit more introverted, it was a relief. “It took off
this pressure of always needing to be on. I also recognized that
sometimes I’m fun and on the ball, and sometimes I need to be alone, and that’s
okay.”
Sensing/Intuiting: The next trait, S/N explains how one gathers
information. Sensing individuals (sometimes called Observing) rely heavily on
tangible experiences, on the five senses, to gather information. They
appreciate the literal over the esoteric. They are more interested in
experiencing life than pondering its deep significance. An S prefers action to
sitting and writing poetry or philosophizing. S’s are great with their hands
and excel at improving the physical world. Often known for being down-to-earth
and practical, sensors are hands-on, detail-oriented, and organized. They
utilize concrete logic.
By contrast, intuitive individuals thrive on the intangible. They
find meaning and patterns in events and they like to synthesize information.
They are imaginative and are flexible in thinking, finding novel solutions to
problems. Instead of focusing on what is, like their sensing counterparts,
intuitive people often focus on what could be or find meaning in the status
quo. They utilize abstract logic.
Sensing
individuals conceptualize information primarily through the details
while intuitive individuals conceptualize information by forming a big
picture (which is a composite of all the smaller details). A sensing
individual will likely tell a story recalling the events as they occurred,
while an intuitive individual frames the narrative on an overarching theme.
For example, an S
and an N both witness a crash. An S might give a play-by-play account: “I was
walking home, and I noticed the cars had stopped driving. I was curious, so I
stepped closer to see what was going on. From the corner of my eye, I saw this
red car diagonal across the lane…” The S retells the story through the material
details.
Intuitive
individuals, on the other hand, may just share the big picture perspective. “I
saw the craziest crash today!” Then, in true N fashion, their brains will jump
to thoughts beyond what occurred. It’s crazy how life can be so
unpredictable! They may speculate about what could have happened had the
event gone down differently or, perhaps, what will happen in the aftermath of
the crash. Often the actual details of what they witnessed are deemed
irrelevant and not retained. This difference in perspective is one example of
how the N vs. S processing styles manifest in interactions.
Goldie, a strong N, said that she sees her intuitive side
in her thinking style: “I love finding the common thread in information; I am also
good at spotting inconsistencies. I get excited when I think of a new way to
approach something. To a more sensing person, my ideas are too esoteric or ‘out
there.’”
Learning about these two different thinking types made her more sensitive, said
Goldie. “I used to judge people for not thinking as I did. Recognizing that
these were two different styles of thinking made me more accepting. It’s not a
matter of intelligence. It is simply the way one absorbs information.”
Thinking/Feeling: This one can be somewhat of a hot topic: Are
you more driven by thought or by feeling? Thinking individuals make decisions
based on hard, cold logic. They may ignore emotions, their own and that of
others, and make decisions based on what is the most objectively sound approach.
They can be depended on to get the job done, but they may at times seem to be
cold and apathetic and may sacrifice relationships to logic.
Feelers, on the
other hand, make choices based on emotions. They are empathetic and caring.
They prioritize feelings, of themselves and of others, over getting a job done,
remaining mindful of their values and relationships. For them, relationships
and values, not logic, are sacrosanct.
Of course no one
relies exclusively on unadulterated emotion or objective logic when making
decisions. As humans, though, we often lean more towards one or the other.
Breina found herself
more toward the feeling part of the continuum. “In a perfect world, without
people, it would be great to rely on cold logic to get things done,” she
continued. “But we live in a world with people, and everyone has different
experiences. There are things to value besides the best solution. Human respect
is a goal on its own.” She explained, though, the importance of tempering this
mindset with logic: “It’s important that decisions not be merely reactions to
emotional triggers. When people are too reliant on emotions – too reactive to
certain stimulants – they end up not acting in the best way possible to meet
their goal.”
Chedva, a real
thinker, typically sticks to logic. She realized that she often uses the phrase
“I think” versus the alternative “I feel,” indicative of her cerebral modus
operandi. Like Goldie, Myers-Briggs made her more tolerant of those more
“feel-y” than she is. “When my friend, who is an F, would tell a story that
happened to us but focus primarily on people’s feelings instead of the facts,
it used to annoy me. After learning about this system, I was able to accept
that this was her perception of the event.”
Judging/Perceiving:
Judgers
interact with the world in a more rigid manner. They are decisive and
organized, and nothing stresses them out more than a free-for-all where no one
is sure what to do or what their role is. They love to-do lists and appreciate
a good, efficient system. If a situation changes, they may have a hard time
abandoning the old way and adapting to the new reality. They value structures
and predictability, and think in an organized, structured manner.
Perceivers, on the
other hand, interact with the world in a more spontaneous manner. Flexible and
relaxed, they like to keep their options open. They can easily adapt to change
and resent rigidity. They take life as it comes and, unlike their conforming
judging counterparts, perceivers are more likely to interact with the world as
they see fit, ignoring societal norms or expectations.
As Breina, more J-leaning,
explains simply, “I love hierarchy. When everyone has a specific role, everyone
can accomplish their goals securely. Every role is given to the best person,
and it takes away the tension that is inevitable in a more hefker environment.
It allows for the human aspect to remain friendly and for people to thrive
while accomplishing the goal.”
Devorah, a P, sees it differently. “A list of
set delineated tasks would drive me crazy,” she explains. “There’s no room for
individuality and creativity, no opportunity for me to leave my mark.” Devorah took a medical billing job but realized she could
never do it long term because there was no wiggle room. “I came to realize that
I can thrive and be most productive only in a job that offers that
flexibility.”
Chedva says that
accepting this P/J continuum offers perspective. P-leaning, she explained how Myers-Briggs
has made her more tolerant what she thought of as a rigid approach. “If my very
J colleague puts a large emphasis on always ordering her queue of tasks, I
might have rolled my eyes before, but now I have more of an understanding – and
even see the value of her way of doing things. This is how she approaches the
world.”
The Big Picture
This is where the
fun begins. After finding your dominant traits on the continuum, piece your
letters together to form your specific personality type. All together there are
16 potential personality types. Alone, each trait may be insightful. Combined –
they tell a story.
For example, an
ESTJ – extroverted, sensing, thinking, and judging – is the executive. They are
likely to be leaders, who value law, order, and tradition. Many leaders of
community organizations belong to this type.
An INFP –
introverted, intuiting, feeling, perceiving – is likely to be empathetic,
tolerant, creative, and idealistic. Many writers and artists belong to this
type.
Here are some
final comments:
Goldie shared
that, while each trait resonated with her, the full analysis mirrored her
personality eerily, touching upon things she didn’t realize about herself. “I
read it, paused, and then nodded. It was almost a relief. I literally couldn’t
have said it better myself.” We are
always learning – about the world around us and about ourselves. Recognizing
the patterns in how we operate is comforting and opens the door to self
acceptance.
Reframing helped
Dovid be compassionate to himself: “I realized, a few weeks after taking the
test, that it subtly changed the way I view myself. Instead of being hard on
myself for my shortcomings, it helped me accept myself for who I am. I realized
my perspective of the world comes with fantastic strengths – and also some
weaknesses.” No one is perfect; we all
have tendencies, some good and some less so, as part and parcel of who we are.
For Shifra, the test
was not totally accurate. “It explained my personality as the archetypal people
pleaser, someone who often rehashes social situations repeatedly in their head.”
That’s who she was a few years back, said Shifra. “But this is not something I
currently struggle with.” Be honest and
be willing to explore and learn unexpected things about yourself. Discard the
aspects that truly don’t relate to you and appreciate the on-target analysis
that remains. People are constantly growing and changing.
Understanding
Oneself and Others
We often are proud
of the way we think, feel, and interact with the world. Myers-Briggs provides a
snapshot, fairly accurate, of one’s personality, which is both validating and
empowering. There is no better compliment than feeling truly understood. The
system also helps with relating to others, as many test takers pointed out.
Often, we think our perspective is the only one. When you recognize that
individuals are vastly different, with different likes, dislikes, and
motivators, it becomes easier to accept them – flaws and all. That’s why
Myers-Briggs has been used extensively in vocational counseling and hiring. It
can also be helpful in shidduchim and
parenting.
Besides, it’s just
plain fun. It works as a great team building experience and an even greater
conversation starter. “My family and I all took the test,” said Breina. “It led
to some great conversations and kept us busy for hours.”
Feeling Left Out?
The Myers-Briggs
personality test has been around for some time, and it has yet to fall out of
style. For a more in-depth study, see the book Appreciate People, by psychologist Miriam Adahan, in which she
explains the Myers-Briggs system in the context of the frum community. And, for just a taste, take a personality test
online. The website 16personalities.com offers a great option with an
impressive, detailed analysis – at no cost.
What are you
waiting for? Worst case scenario you’ll hate it. The best? You just might find
yourself.
*All
names and identifying details have been changed.
