In case you missed the Staples ads, back-to-school season has come. Do the following comments sound familiar?
- “My son was out of the class more than he was in last year. I’m really nervous about this coming year.”
- “First grade! She’s a baby. How can they put her behind a desk!”
- “Middle school is so different. I’m nervous my son won’t be able to handle it.”
- “My daughter thrives in camp. Why can’t school be more like camp?”
If this is what parents are saying, we can only imagine what our children are feeling about going back to school. How can we, as parents, help our children have a successful and happy school year? What does it even mean to be successful? And, by the way, remind me: Why are we doing this to our kids – again? Torture is banned in all first-world countries.
The answers to these questions are intertwined. As parents, we nurture our children and help them develop the skills, knowledge, and values that will serve them well now and in the future. School and camp also help our children take the best advantage of their short childhood to prepare them for the rest of their lives.
Torah schools are parents’ partners. They help our children, first, to develop Torah values, refined middos, and a Torah outlook. Our children must not only develop an excitement for living a Torah life; they must gain the tools to do so. They need to learn how to daven, how to learn, and how to keep halacha. To be a functional, literate Jewish adult, there is a lot one needs to know. School also prepares our children to be successful adults, capable of supporting themselves in whatever manner is most appropriate for them, with a strong self-concept and social skills. Math, science, technology, writing, recess, and co-curricular activities all have their place in giving our children the basic foundations for a fulfilled and happy life.
Camps have a different mission; they teach through doing. In camp, children grow because of activities that nurture their creativity, athleticism, and social skills. They discover nonacademic interests and hobbies and how to connect with people outside their family.
Parents, school, or camp – winter or summer – we want to help our children become their best selves.
Getting Off to the Right Start
If we are sending our children to school to learn, we must ask ourselves: What can I do to help my child be ready to learn? A fourth-grader has less than 1,500 hours in school to gain as much from the experience as possible. How can we add to, and not detract, from this time?
1) Daily schedule: As a rule of thumb, when children are hungry, tired, nervous, or angry, they can’t learn. For two months, we’ve been in summer mode. Dinner time, bedtime, and laundry schedules were more flexible. We ignored that their favorite T-shirt has seen better days because it’s their favorite. Ice cream for breakfast and fireworks at 10 p.m. had their place. Now our kids need a lot of energy to get through the transitions of the first days of school. Getting back into a schedule, with regular meals and bedtimes, will help our children muster the energy to do the hard work of school. We also need to make sure that their school supplies are packed and ready and their clothes clean so that we don’t add stress to this already stressful time.
2) Routines: In a similar vein, now is the time to plan our morning and nighttime routines. Where should Sara do homework? What after-school snacks does Yechezkel need? Where should Aryeh put his backpack when he comes in the door? What time will the kids need to wake up, and what will they eat for breakfast? While adjusting to day one of school will take some effort, with consistent and predictable routines, days two and on can go more smoothly.
3) Parent availability: All beginnings are hard. It’s even harder when children are dealing with a problem alone. If we parents can lighten our own load during the first days, so that we are available to talk, it can make all the difference. Small problems can snowball if they are not caught early, but short conversations can help our children reframe their concerns. The school orientations every night for the first few weeks don’t make this easy, so anything nonessential that can be postponed to after Yom Tov should be.
Strategies for Success
1) Set expectations: Do our children know why they are in school? Do they think we think what they are doing is important? In some classrooms, the teachers are entertaining; in others the misbehavior is more entertaining. With so many things going on around them, our children need to know that they are in school to grow academically, spiritually, and socially. Growth is not dependent on others but on what we put into it. As parents, we can set expectations by what we praise, what we ask about, and what we do in our spare time.
2) Nurture curiosity: Preparing for school really begins much earlier in life. A child who is curious will be interested in learning. Especially with preschool children, plant a garden, go hiking, go to the zoo, or read a book together. It’s not about the worksheets! Learning is hands-on, fun, and opens new vistas. Research shows that reading aloud to a child is the single biggest contributor to success in school. If we wait for schools to do all the teaching, our children won’t have the experiences necessary to take full advantage of what they learn in the classroom.
3) Tell them it takes effort: Teachers can teach, but unless a student believes he can learn, it will be tough going. The Midrash Shmuel on Pirkei Avos 5:12 notes that, while there are naturally gifted students as well as weaker ones, everyone can learn with hard work, and everyone forgets if they don’t review. Teachers and parents cannot share this message enough. It’s easier to give up than to push through, so we need to remind our children that working hard makes for success and results are not as important as what we put into it.
4) Encourage movement: All summer, our children have been swimming, running, and climbing and now they need to sit, sit, sit. Hopefully, their teachers will incorporate movement into the day, but learning requires staying in one place no matter what. Yet children need to be physically active, and recess is not enough. Between homework, dinner, and bedtime, we can make moving high on our priority list. Take a walk, go to the park, set up challenges inside the house on rainy days, or sign up for organized sports. Staying strong physically helps every other part of a child’s day go better.
5) Have fun: Home is home. It’s the place we go to recharge and feel loved and accepted just as we are. The first days of school have their challenges, but remember, once school starts, our children will be growing by leaps and bounds, and we may even have more time for ourselves. It will all work out, and our children will be better for the experience. Let’s make the ride as enjoyable for ourselves and for them as we can.
