Imagine growing up in a home where your parent was an alcoholic or mentally ill, where your parents divorced or your father abandoned the family, where domestic abuse or arguments occurred every day, where your brother was a drug addict or your sister was disabled, where your parents lost their jobs and food was scarce, or where you yourself were abused or suffered mental or physical illness.
Children growing up in such a household – and individuals in our community have – spent their early years in a stressful and unhealthy environment, making it very difficult for them to develop or flourish in a normal way. And it didn’t go away when they became adults. They still live with secrecy and shame, unable to talk to anyone about their experiences. They find themselves grappling with issues left unattended from when they were 5-, 10- or 12-years old. The issues come up in marriage, parenting, the workplace, and in their relationship with Hashem. Even if they seem to be functioning well, inside, they may feel small, scared, and scarred.
These adults in our midst are called trauma survivors. An attempt is being made to help them. Orthodox Jewish women who are survivors of childhood trauma of any kind are invited to join a confidential support group. The Healing Group will start in February and continue for 16 weeks. It is under the auspices of the Shofar Coalition: A Collaborative Response to Childhood Trauma in the Baltimore Jewish Community, a program of the Sidran Institute (www.shofarcoalition.org and www.sidran.org).
Pam Weissman, LCSW-C, facilitator of the group, has more than 20 years of experience. Joan Kristall, LCSW-C, a therapist in private practice and Shofar’s Clinical Coordinator, will supervise the group. Also involved are Hinda Dubin, M.D., who works with trauma in her practice as a psychiatrist; Elaine Witman, Director of the Shofar Coalition; and Aviva Weisbord, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist and the former head of Jewish Big Brother and Big Sister League and Jewish Addiction Services.
“The message we hope to convey in these groups is, you are not alone,” says Ms. Kristall. “There is support, there is validation, there is healing. If something happened to you years ago, it doesn’t mean that you can’t create a healthy balanced life for yourself. You can heal and you can thrive, and go on to really, truly live a healthy life.”
Ms. Kristall has seen it happen. As one participant in a Shofar Coalition healing group wrote, “I cannot tell you what a huge victory the group was in my recovery! There are so many examples of the improvements in my life as a result of sharing and working with other women. I have met so many people who want such a place to go for support. As each one of us heals, we have the confidence and the strength to give to others who need to heal.”
“Groups like these are a safe and confidential place to talk about what happened,” says Ms. Kristall. “So often, everything is hush-hush – because of shidduchim, or just because parents are too scared or ashamed to face the problem. These women have to figure it out themselves and fend for themselves. They may be very unsure of themselves, or they don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries. They have issues around trust. Yet these things can be learned, supported, and reinforced.”
She mentions the following goals of the new group:
• Building a dynamic and vibrant support network
• Finding a safe haven for challenging memories
• Engaging in activities that are life affirming
• Cultivating coping skills that are long lasting
Two other healing groups sponsored by the Shofar Coalition are currently taking place for Jewish women who have experienced childhood abuse. One of the groups uses art therapy for healing. The other group is cosponsored by Jewish Community Services. A group to meet the needs of men is scheduled to begin within the next month.
Beyond working with trauma survivors, the Shofar Coalition conducts workshops for rabbis and educators. They have held training sessions for rabbanim on abuse: how to recognize and how to deal with it. And at the recent Torah U’Mesorah convention, they ran a workshop that was packed with administrators, rebbeim, and teachers.
Ms. Kristall hopes that Orthodox women in our community who have been affected by traumatic experiences will take the first step toward healing by joining this group. “We are trying to get the word out about it, so people who would benefit can get some help and support in a confidential way.” The group will meet in a private location in the Pikesville area.
