Recently, a small business owner contacted me for advice. He
said, “I understand that you are an industrial psychologist and you work in the
nonprofit and for-profit sectors.” I asked him how I might be of assistance.
The gentleman went on to describe the numerous problems he has with his current
employees. I asked him about his former employees, and he said that they were
mostly unmotivated, ungrateful people who used him and then either quit or he
had to fire them. I asked what prompted him to call me. He said, “I want you to
help me fix the problem. I need you to source good reliable people and then
supervise them so that they’ll do their jobs.”
I explained that I work as a
consultant psychologist. I can give him advice and guidance, but recruiting and
supervising his employees was not my job. He seemed frustrated with my
response. He said, “So you want me to pay you in order for you to just give me
advice, and then I’m supposed to solve the problem that I am paying you to
resolve?”
I said, “Exactly. You got it!”
Throughout my career I’ve
encountered many people who want me to “own” their problems. The reality is
that we each must “own” our particular set of problems. Nevertheless we can
usually benefit from getting objective professional advice to help guide our
decision-making process. Often, such advice is called daas Torah.
I had an uncle who was a talented
locksmith. Many years ago he received an urgent call from a major bank on a
Monday morning. The manager said, “We can’t get our safe open. Can you help us?
We’ve tried everything.” My uncle quickly arrived at the bank. He was escorted
to the vault. After carefully drilling several holes and inserting tiny wires,
he used his left hand to hold a stethoscope slightly to the right of the
combination dial. As he listened, while slowly turning the dial, he took a
small steel hammer in his right hand and tapped the door of the safe. He yanked
the wires and then pulled on the door and it opened. The entire project took
him less than 20 minutes.
My uncle then presented the manager
with a $100 invoice for “services rendered.” (By the way, that was in 1962.
Adjusted for inflation, that $100.00 is $875.00 today.) The manager said, “That’s
a lot of money for a few taps of a hammer.”
My uncle replied, “I only charged
$10 for the ‘small taps.’ I charged $90 for knowing exactly where to tap.”
What’s critical in life is knowing
where (and how) to tap.
The fellow who called me did not
have the tools to unlock his problem, and unfortunately he was only interested
in a convenient quick “fix.” Such fixes never work. After concluding our phone
call, I figured that he would seek someone else with whom to work. Ten days
passed, and he called me back.
He said, “Okay, what do I need to
do?”
I said, “First you need to work on
understanding yourself. Once you have an objective view of yourself, and
understand your strengths and weaknesses, we’ll be able to analyze why you have
had so many failed and disappointing hires.” He balked and insisted that the
problem wasn’t his. Fortunately (for me) he decided not to continue our
conversation. By the way, somehow I wasn’t shocked to learn that he had been
divorced three times.
Whether dealing with couples and
family issues or with organizational and business difficulties, it is always
important for the primary complainant to understand how he or she contributes
to the problem. It is especially important for supervisors to take ownership
and responsibility for their involvement in workplace problems. Solving
existing problems and preventing new ones from developing requires us to be
self-effacing and honest about our own strengths and weaknesses. This is true
in all relationships especially in businesses and marriages.
For those of us
in management positions – this includes parents and teachers – it can sometimes
be quite valuable to undertake a professionally-guided personal assessment to
better understand our judgments of and insights into others. Unlocking
ourselves and understanding our own strengths and weaknesses allows us to
develop greater empathy for others.
Rabbi Dr. Ivan Lerner, a former day school principal, is Rabbi Emeritus of the Claremont Cape Town , South Africa
