If you know the meanings of laydig-gayer and flahgmat, you earn 50 Yiddishist points – unless you peeked at the translation. (It’s hard not to, when it’s in the title!)
A laydig-gayer is someone who has either retired or who simply has nothing to do except twiddle his thumbs forward and then backwards. A flahgmat, on the other hand, is someone dedicated to taking his (or her) good old time.
So what does being a laydig-gayer have to do with us Yidden? you may ask. After all, there are nochrim (non-Jews) who perceive us as rich aggressive folks. But the truth is that we do have laydig-gayers and flahgmats among Bnai Yisrael (the Jewish people) – and I can prove it!
Here are a few expressions that may be used by laydig-gayers:
- Ich fahl avek! (I’m very exhausted): An expression used after the laydig-gayer comes home – having accomplished nothing.
- Ah broch tsue dee poor yawr! (Woe unto our short lives): Uttered by a laydig-gayer when he strains himself by answering the telephone.
- Brech ah tsawn (Break a tooth): Response of a laydig-gayer being accused of being a laydig-gayer by another laydig-gayer.
- Dee laydig-gayers zogehn tehilim (The loafers are reciting psalms): Overheard in Israel when someone taking a walk pointed to a group playing cards on their porch.
- “By mihr bist do shayn” (To me you are beautiful): A Yiddish melody popularized a few years ago. You can googlelize the tune on your computer. A laydig-gayer’s melody to his part-time boss. ???I don’t understand this???
- Mach nisht ah geh-rosh (Don’t over react): For example, Chaneleh made a geh-rosh when her husband came home and spotted the floor with his muddy shoes. “Mach nisht ah geh-rosh” said he. “I’ll clean it up next week.”
The Flahgmat
The flahgmat always works slowly. The word “rush” does not exist in his world. Procrastination is his way of life. Here are a few examples:
Shmendrik Charofsky’s home has a room that needs painting. Every year, his vibel (wife) reminds him that the room looks shabby. Zine tehrets (his excuse) is: “Soon the weather will improve.” One morning he awakens from a deep sleep and, inspired by a colorful dream, shouts: “Zeh hayom! – This is the day!”
He jumps out of bed, washes, davens (prays), drinks three cups of coffee, and has a discussion with his wife about the color. “Maybe green,” says he. “Make it blue,” says she, and the discussion goes on and on and. Finally they make a supreme compromise: White!
Fahngt zich awn ah miseh (the fun is just beginning), because there are many shades of white: paper white, off-white, semi-white, angel white, antique white, brand-new white, etc. Finally, with mazel, they agree on a shade called eggshell white. Shmendrik purchases the paint and returns home, but it’s late in the day, so he decides on doing the job next week – when else!?
The great painting day finally arrives, and he begins the chore by opening the can of paint. “Oy vay” he exclaims, “I haven’t even glanced at the morning newspaper!” He steps outside, finds the paper, and praises the warm rays of the sun while humming the song, “Oh what a beautiful morning…. ” He sits in a comfortable chair and reads the latest news in Baltimore – “the city that reads.” Soon he begins dremling (napping), and after waking up, reenters the house. The obnoxious fumes from the can of “odorless” paint are stifling, so he opens the windows.
You may wonder what Shmendrik is thinking. Vehl ich deer zogehn (I’ll tell you): His thought is, fahrvoss (why) waste the beautiful day inside a house? He replaces the lid, because he has other important plans – such as watching the latest sports event in the city. Remember: Laydig-gayers and flahgmats have a similar way of thinking when it comes to work.
Being a flahgmat can be a disaster for a person who is employed, especially for his employer. For example, if you are in a supermarket and are oysgehmahtert (exhausted) from shlepping a cart around the place, you expect to leave pronto, right? However, upon approaching the checkout counter, you notice that the clerk is also oysgehmahtert as she places items in the bags with the speed of an ancient turtle. Checking out of the store is almost complete, but suddenly the “impossible” occurs: A computer goes in drerd (collapses), and you can recite your prayers or read a book by the time it is in working order!
Laydig-gayers and flahgmats have their place in the order of things. What that place should be is an interesting question!
