by Shani, Dena and Daniella
I have wanted to go to shul for as long as I can remember. Sitting in the row, with my mother on one side of me and my sisters on the other, listening to my father davening for the amud, I felt so connected and accomplished as I moved through the Machzor and poured my heart out. I want to go to shul.
But the past
few years have been different (for good reason, baruch Hashem). Instead
of being in shul this Rosh Hashanah, I will be home with my young children,
while my husband davens on behalf of our whole family. I want to go to shul, yet,
in the same way that it is my husband’s avodah to daven, it is mine to
take care of our kiddies. So I won’t be going this year, and since there are
many other young mothers like me adjusting to this new Yom Tov reality, I want
to focus on what we can do and think about to bring meaning to our Rosh
Hashanah.
* * *
A story comes
to mind when I imagine spending Rosh Hashanah, the day we accept Hashem as King,
at home: It is the King’s coronation celebration, and there is a huge party
with all of the citizens coming to anoint the King. One by one, each person
comes to praise the King until it is the royal nanny’s turn. She stands before
the King, but before she can say anything, the King tells her she belongs with
the princes and princesses and she should go home.
Yes, going to shul
is quite an important part of the Yom Tov, but equally as important is the
behind-the-scenes role we mothers play. No one can replace a mother in the eyes
of her children. It’s not like we are supposed to be in shul and we’re missing
it; we are taking part in a different aspect of the day and have an opportunity
to approach the day in our inimitable way. Although it is completely understandable
that going from spending the whole morning in shul to being able to daven a few
tefilos at home – maybe – is a big adjustment. It can also be
challenging to be home with your children while everyone else is in shul
whether or not you have a meal to prepare for.
Since we are
spending a long period of time with our children, one of the best ways to use the
time is to bring the kids into it. In an age-appropriate manner, explain the
meaning of Rosh Hashanah and make it personal to the children: It is a joyous
day, when we are crowning Hashem as our King. It is a day to ask for things we
want this year. It is a time to behave like royalty in our home. Our clothes,
our table, and our food are all extra special.
Have a
honey-tasting party and discuss sweet versus sour tastes. Cut up different
types of apples and take a vote on which variety everyone likes most. Collect
some Rosh Hashanah-related items and use them in a game of charades. Have a
scavenger hunt for round items and talk about the cyclical nature of the year,
of life, etc. Read Rosh Hashanah books and sing Rosh Hashanah songs. It will
give the kids such a positive connection to the Yom Tov while making you feel plugged-in
as well.
* * *
If the naps
align and you do find time to daven, remember that it’s quality over quantity.
[See sidebar.] Rosh Hashanah is not going to feel like it always has; the way
we tap into it looks different from home than from shul. It’s not only okay
that it looks different, it’s supposed to. You are in a different stage of life
right now. There will be a time, b’ezras Hashem, when you will be
sitting in shul on Rosh Hashanah once again, but at this stage, you are most
needed at home.
Remember that
you still have access to the same kedusha as you always did. Davening is holy,
but the ultimate kedusha is from
emulating Hashem – meaning that we are taking care of our children as He takes
care of us. There is no better example of this than Chana, whom we read about
on Rosh Hashanah in Shmuel Aleph. Chana
and Elkana were oleh regel to
Shiloh three times a year. Each trip was a major event and inspired others to
join them. Chana was childless for 10 years and davened for a baby with all her
heart. Once she had Shmuel, after years of waiting, she said she was not going to
be oleh regel, at least not until
Shmuel was two years old. Chana and Elkana were wealthy and could have
outsourced any help they needed, but she said that she was most needed at home.
Even more, since she had gone for 10 years, it could have been considered a neder. But
Elkana agreed that Chana should stay with Shmuel. Whatever inspiration she
could have gotten at Shilo was not as important as raising her child. That is
where her biggest impact would lie. Chana’s precious Shmuel grew up to be
Shmuel Hanavi, undoubtedly because of Chana’s dedication to him in the
beginning years before she entrusted him to Eli the Kohen Gadol’s care. With
the tzadekes Chana as a role model
for us, we should feel tremendous strength and importance in our own roles as
mothers.
Wishing everyone a kesiva v’chasima tova, a shana
tova u’mesuka, and a beautiful, inspired Rosh Hashanah!
