by Shani, Dena and Daniella
The box of tissues:
You pull one out… and another… and another, always expecting the box to hold
one more when you need it. The toothpaste tube: You squeeze some on your
toothbrush… and some more… and some more, quietly assuming that there will be
enough for another morning’s squeeze – until the box of tissues runs out and
the toothpaste tube can squeeze no more. Then you take notice.
The unseen
commodity is truly seen only when it is gone. Gas in the car, food in the
fridge, and money in the bank are obviously missed more deeply when absent. It
is so easy to take things for granted and only realize they are missing when
they are no longer there. Why is that? Why don’t we take the time to say, “Wow,
baruch Hashem for that last box of
pasta in my pantry”? Because we all know that if there’s a hungry toddler who
is refusing to eat anything except for mac and cheese and we don’t have a box
of elbows, that’s going to be a problem for all parties involved.
It is ridiculously
easy, and also natural, to rely on habit and routine, making it difficult to
appreciate the mundane while everything is running smoothly. We forget to be
thankful for the things in our life that we need every day. And yet these
things are just things. They do not
come close to the people we hold near and dear. Yet it is unfortunately just as
easy to take the people we love for granted – not in a major sort of way but by
losing track of how much they mean to us.
Time is finite and
precious. We are so accustomed to being able to call our mother when the kids
do something cute, lean on our spouse after a tough day, and call our bubbies
and zeidies for words of wisdom or just to check in. But what we’re not always
conscious of is what a bracha it is when
we are able to do these things. Our lives are filled with important people, and
it is our prerogative to appreciate every moment we have with them.
* * *
We are three
sisters who come from a very tight-knit family. We, baruch Hashem, grew up with grandparents around the corner and an aunt
and uncle down a few blocks. We spent most Shabbosim together and never missed
a Thursday-night pizza dinner, where everyone was in attendance. We are so
fortunate to have those close family connections. Many of our best childhood
memories are centered around our Bubby and Zeidy’s house. They are always our
role models. Our Zeidy passed away about two-and-a-half years ago, and no one
was prepared. And no one is over it, still. He was the kindest, most generous,
humble, funniest person. Everyone who met him instantly loved him. How we wish
we could have more time with him. How we wish we could show him all that has
happened over the past two-and-a-half years. But we know he is watching, and we
know he sees.
Baruch Hashem, we were each zocha to have a baby boy within three months of each other last
year. And one by one we named our boys after our Zeidy. They continue his
legacy, and he lives on through them. We are also putting together a private
book for our family on the life of our Zeidy to keep those memories tangible.
This book, in addition to giving us the opportunity to keep talking about him
and sharing our memories, will allow our children to learn from him just as we
did.
* * *
We recently came
across a new song by Tehila Erlich called “Through the Clouds.” It is a
beautiful song that brought us to tears in the best way possible. The song
includes some of her memories with her Saba and how he slowly lost his memory
from Alzheimer’s disease over 10 years. She hopes, now that he is up in Heaven,
that he remembers her and sees the life she’s living, through the clouds. It
truly resonated with us, and we were lucky enough to be able to sit down with
Tehila to discuss the song.
The song came
about one day, when Tehila saw a huge, heavenly-looking cloud with rays of
light shining down and thought, “Saba, can you see me through the clouds?” The
idea just came to her, and she feels as though the words were delivered to her
straight from Shamayim. Tehila says
she wrote about her own personal experience, not realizing how many people
would connect to it.
Once Tehila had
the song, she was ready to have the music video produced. She wanted the most
authentic country sound, so she went to Nashville to film the video. She had to
cast a younger version of herself, as well as her Saba, and find a place to
film the living room and cloud scenes. Usually, you get actors through
agencies, and Tehila found a Saba she thought would be great for the role. She
was really disappointed when it didn’t come to fruition but said Hashem would
send something better. Scrolling through her Instagram search – all the way
back to 2017 – Tehila found a picture of an actor in a white shirt and jacket
just like her Saba always wore. Although she had never heard of the agency he
was part of, she was able to contact them and book Saba! This actor even had
the same walk as Saba! It couldn’t have worked out better.
Another case of hashgacha pratis occurred when they were looking for a house for the living
room scene. Places kept falling through. It was important to Tehila to have a
living room with a fireplace. She wasn’t completely sold on the place they
settled on, but it ended up having a screen that she used to show old videos of
her and her Saba – a perfect way to incorporate Saba! The cloud scene, which is
so stunning to watch, was made by building a shallow pool filled with tons of
cotton and lots of dry ice. Tehila says it was a cold night, her feet were in
water, plus she stepped on dry ice, but she made it through! They also shipped
a Borsalino hat and rented an old-style station wagon that Saba was famous for.
* * *
Tehila’s
relationship with her grandfather was happy, carefree, and fun. She said he was
always joking and energetic. “To know him was to love him.” The main focus in
his life was family. As someone who fled the Nazis and later served in the
American army, he wanted his grandchildren to know Jewish and American history.
He took them to Washington, the Holocaust Museum, and the Intrepid Museum in
New York.
Saba fled Germany
to Shanghai when the Nazis came into power, and while there, he and his friend
came up with a board game called “Shanghai Millionaire.” The game is now played
in Shanghai, and the original is displayed in the Holocaust Museum in D.C. Some
of Tehila’s favorite memories with her Saba are going to the Shang Chai restaurant
on her birthday and just listening to his stories and jokes. He would take each
of his grandchildren to the restaurant and wouldn’t eat that day to prepare to
really enjoy with the birthday grandchild and make the most out of the
all-you-can-eat buffet! He would come over on Shabbos afternoons just to shmooze
and added so much to the conversation. Sometimes, quality time makes for better
memories than anything else. Tehila says all of her siblings and cousins can
say the same.
Tehila was 21 when
her Saba’s Alzheimer’s started progressing. She says it happened gradually.
First, he ran through red lights without realizing it. At that point, he knew
he was forgetting. Later on, she would try to sing songs with him. She thought
that would surely make him remember; eventually, though, his eyes were empty
and hers were shell-shocked. Towards the end of Saba’s life, all of her siblings
went to visit to say goodbye. Just sitting in his house, holding his hand was
enough to connect. Even though it seemed like he couldn’t connect with them,
she knows he could feel it. Tehila says she grieved in stages. At the onset of
Alzheimer’s, they grieved the Saba they once knew, and when he passed away,
they grieved the physical Saba. When Tehila made the song, they remembered the
Saba before the disease and all the memories they made together.
Tehila says her
Saba led by example and was a champion of chesed.
He visited nursing homes to feed the elderly breakfast at 6 a.m. every Shabbos
morning, and when the grandchildren slept at his house for Shabbos, they would
go with him. On Fridays, he would make an oneg
Shabbos for people with cerebral palsy. He would bring baked goods, parsha sheets, and sing with them. Those
acts of chesed are not easy, but he
did them happily. He always walked everywhere. He once walked from Brooklyn to
NYU when Tehila’s aunt was in the hospital. Spending time with family and
making as many opportunities and experiences as possible was something Tehila’s
Saba valued highly.
Tehila pushes
herself to go the extra mile to make memories with her family just as her Saba
did. Tehila and her family sing the songs he would sing and talk about him to
keep his memory alive. Tehila recently heard that talking positively about
someone who passed away creates an aliyah
for their neshama, so she talks about
him even more now!
Tehila’s word of
advice for those who have living grandparents is to call them and talk to them;
it means the world to them. And if she had one more day with her Saba, she
would show him her kids, and after they all spent the day together, she would
put them to sleep, go to Shang Chai, and catch up.
