I recently ran my first marathon, and it struck me how much learning and
growth goes into such an experience. Funny how I have likely planned and
trained more for this than for my wedding, having kids or any other life changing
event. I’ve learned so many lessons, and have journaled them on my blog. Here
they are:
Run
your own race: Someone from our local frum community organized a weekly group
to focus on speed work. At this group, it was easy to fall into the feeling of
having to “keep up” or wondering why I couldn’t go as fast as someone else. But
my friend wisely counseled me, saying, “You have to run your own race.” What a
life lesson. We need to stop all the comparison, being someone or doing
something because others expect it, because others are doing it. In this life,
it’s only our own race that matters.
Make
a plan: True marathon training requires
discipline. Building up the stamina to keep running despite whatever is thrown
at you takes months of training. Getting out there, running one long run after
another, week after week, takes a level of commitment to the plan. If only we
could think through our life goals with the same sort of plan. How amazing
would it be if we decided to tackle a character trait or bad habit with the
same type of planned approach – and we stuck to it.
Be
flexible or you’ll get injured: Even with
the plan, you need to be flexible. If you wake up on your day for speed work
and your legs are cramping, or you’re supposed to do a long run but something
doesn’t feel right, you need to tweak and adjust – getting those elements in
but not necessarily as you planned. Life needs flexibility!
No
excuses: If we waited for all the pieces
to fall into place for the “perfect run,” it’s likely we’d never get out the
door. There are always reasons why you can’t do something. The trick is to find
the reasons you can and always focus
on them. Some of my longest and hardest training runs were in terrible
conditions. I’ve run in extremely hot temperatures with 90% humidity, I’ve run
after sleepless nights and with bad stomach aches. Every one of them reinforced
this lesson.
You
can accomplish as much as you tell yourself you can: The power of your mind is incredible. You are only as
limited as you think you are. When you believe you can do something, when you
tell yourself you’re capable and it’s possible, your body follows. On so many
of my long runs, I saw this; the minute I started to think about being tired,
my body slowed down. If I told myself the end was near and I could push through,
my body listened to those instructions. So much of our life can be changed if
we just realized that our attitude and approach controls the actual outcome.
Trust
in the process: Many times, you just want
to go for it – run the full distance and just be finished. But the process is
almost like building a house. You have to dig deep, set the foundation, and lay
brick by brick. You don’t usually see the full picture until the house is
built. If you skip steps, ultimately, the house won’t last.
It
takes a village: You can do a marathon
yourself, but it is so much better with everyone’s support. I benefited from
having an amazing running group that helped me get out the door for the last
few years, rain or shine. I am lucky to have more than one group to run with;
they teach me everything from how to build lung capacity to how to plan
and train. Without the support of my family letting me get out there, whether
it is or isn’t convenient for them, I couldn’t have done this at my age and
stage.
Invest
in yourself: All too often, life keeps
moving, and we’re so busy with the business of it, we forget to live. As a mom and wife, I’m often busy
with the needs of others. Investing in myself gave me a chance to remember who
I am, what I’m capable of, and how much learning I still have to do no matter my
age.
Be
able to conquer the out-and-back: There
isn’t always a perfect loop to run. I had a hard time conquering the idea of
going out and back over and over. You mean I have to run the same path again?!
Life is about routines, and it’s easy to get stuck in a rut. The ability to
repeat tasks and find nuance, energy, and excitement is something that needs
constant work. By the end of my training, I was able to run these routes
without being bored and focus on different elements of my run while I covered
the same ground.
Every
step is forward: I love the idea of moving
and growing in life. On one particular long run, it occurred to me how we can
spend our lives looking back, dwelling on mistakes, regretting things – or we
can choose to always look forward, move on, and take what lessons we can to do
it better next time.
The
journey is the destination: Not everything
is about the big race day. Every ounce of effort that we put in along the way
is a priceless gift to ourselves. Yes, the race is exciting (and somewhat
terrifying), but what we’ve gained getting there is the ultimate reward.
Keep
your eye on the prize: There will be good
days and bad ones, easy runs and hard ones. In the end, every one stacks up to
help you reach your goal. You won’t feel great every time you start. Most days,
the first couple miles will feel like a massive effort, and you’ll wonder how
you ran 16 miles the other day but three are so hard today. In the end, the big
picture is what you have to focus on.
You
put in the effort but G-d is in control of the outcome: It’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking you did this,
you put in the work and effort and it’s because of you that you succeeded. At
the end of the day, health and strength is a gift from G-d. Always keep that in
mind, and be thankful every day.
* * *
I finished my first marathon today! I still
can’t believe it. It was not the race I planned for, and I didn’t make my time
goal, but I am humbled by the accomplishment and by the gift of being able to
push through even when I felt pretty awful. Had I kept to plan, I might have
made it in my projected time, but I trusted others to set the pace, and they
didn’t quite keep to the plan. I didn’t trust my gut, and by the time I
realized, it was a bit too late to recover my speed. But I learned a lot from
this experience.
My first thought when things got rough was
“you have to run your own race.” And sometimes the race you planned isn’t the
one G-d had in mind for you. And I thought how maybe I needed some humbling – that
what I thought would be a totally doable goal was out of my reach. When I
realized I had to let go of my time goal and walk a little to reset, I was
disappointed. Then I realized that I was blessed to have no cramps and not
extreme pain. Hashem had blessed me with a race where my body was working. I
was fighting nausea and dizziness mostly – likely a combo of going out too hard
on the first half (rookie mistake), not drinking enough, and the cold. I kept
pushing, stopping another two times to try to reset my body before I could push
more. I learned that it’s okay to feel bad and acknowledge that voice but that
I had a louder voice telling me that quitting was not an option and I was going
to finish.
At mile 21, I said, “Hey, Siri, text
husband.” I told my husband I felt awful, and he was so encouraging and told me
that the others were at mile 22 and I could do it, so just push a little more. When
I passed my entire family, who were cheering and holding out their hands for me,
it pushed me through. It reminded me that the village is real, and they are my
biggest cheerleaders. I knew I had to get through for myself and for
them. By the time I got close to mile 24, I kept telling myself that I’ve
done way longer distances than two miles. Seeing my family at the finish line
was the fuel I needed to surge.
After I crossed the finish line, my sister
asked me how it was, fully expecting me to say amazing, but I was honest and
told her it was really challenging. She was shocked and said, “But every time
you passed us you had on a huge smile.” Both of us saw an incredible lesson in
this. She said she would never again assume someone is okay just because they
put on a good face. You never can tell what struggles they’re facing. And I was
reminded that, no matter how hard something is, you can always put on a
smile.
I’m honored and privileged to have been
able to have this experience. I keep reminding myself that the goal was the
finish line, and I made it. Technicalities aside, I am grateful to G-d for
giving me the good health to do this. I am grateful for my supportive husband
and kids who enabled me to train. And I’m grateful for the incredible running
community I’m part of that makes me feel like I belong.
People who haven’t run a marathon often say, “This or that is like
running a marathon” or “Life
is a marathon.” In
truth, it would be great if all of us lived our lives as if we were running
a marathon!
Rochel Rabinowitz
journals about parenting, running, and life at Big Picture Parenting
(bigpicparents.blogspot.com).
