Have you ever been told, “It’s none of your business”?
There are situations that require our input, and there are times that it is best to keep our daled amos (distance). The problem is whether to “butt in” or “butt out” of situations that occur. Our holy Torah has examples that address the question of whether to mach zich visindig (get involved) or mach zich nisht visindik (turn a blind eye). Let’s look at two of them:
When Hashem informed Avraham that the city of Sodom would be destroyed, Avraham had the option of keeping silent or attempting to save the city. He chose the latter and repeatedly pleaded with G-d to spare the city. Avraham made it his business, even though he was facing The Boss!
Then there comes the story of Joseph and his brothers: The brothers were so frustrated with Joseph’s behavior that they were ready to end his young life. After reconsidering, they placed him into a pit. Now comes the oldest brother, Reuven, and plans to rescue Joseph. You surely know the rest of the story, right? Reuven’s plan fails, and Joseph is sold to wandering Yishmaelim. But, although Reuven’s plan did not succeed, he made it his business to try and rescue his brother.
Nu, you may comment, voss iz geven iz geven (what was-was). But what about today?
A good question. Here are a few examples demonstrating the decision-making process. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is coincidental!
Case #1
One afternoon Berl Sahmsky entered a food market and wheeled his shopping cart towards the fruit/vegetable section. Nu, thought Beryl, peaches are in season, so I will enjoy the delicious fruit. Little did he imagine what was going to occur. Approaching the fruit stand, he began placing peaches into a bag.
As mazel would have it, along came an uncouth person and began squeezing each peach. Next, she gave a hearty sneeze over the peaches! Nu, thought Berl, in drerd (never mind) with the peaches, and he began leaving. However, the sneezer snatched a peach and took a big bite. This was the last straw. Beryl told the individual that munching on an unpaid item was stealing, and it could increase prices in the future. Her response: “It’s none of your business!” And with an angry stare, she muttered, “You Jewish people!” while walking away munching on the peach.
Can you believe it? Nu, as the late Yiddishist Sam Moss used to comment, “You can believe it.” Should Beryl have interfered? Was it any of his business? How would you have reacted?
Case #2
Mendel Pinsky was a peaceful Yiddle who relished peace almost like a chasid relishes his Rebbeh. Peace at home, peace at work, and peace in his shtetl (town). That was his goal. Mendel attempted to keep the peace at home by interfering whenever sibling rivalry occurred. Unfortunately, such disputes took place every Montag (Monday) and Dunershtag (Thursday) between his sons Yankel and Shmulkeh.
One day they argued about the ownership of a book and, as usual, each son yelled “It’s mine!” Mendel followed his usual pattern by interfering in the dispute. Nu, what to do? He simply took the book and gave a geshray (yell): “It’s mine!!” A simple solution, but what did he accomplish? Now his kids began arguing with him. They were now united – but against their father! Mendel’s interesting strategy resulted in his sons agreeing to share the book. There was therefore peace in their time….for a while.
Would you have interfered?
Case # 3
Rupert Cassidy was taking his daily walk in the neighborhood. The weather was just right for a stroll. The sun was shining, and the temperature was moderate – a real mechayeh (pleasure). Suddenly, Rupert burst forth with the melody, “Oh, what a beautiful morning, oh, what a beautiful day!”
Nu, as happens at times when things are too good, suddenly, all hell broke loose as a speeding car crashed into a parked car! Instead of getting out of his vehicle, the offending driver sped away. Hairst ah geshichteh – can you imagine such a thing?
Nu, thought Rupert, there goes the beautiful morning! He pondered whether to report the incident, because to do so would lead to a court case with his involvement as a witness. It’s none of my business, thought he, as he walked away.
Because of Rupert’s minding his own business, the owner of the demolished vehicle had to pay a fortune for the damage. And worse, a drunken driver was on the loose, endangering the lives of innocent pedestrians. Oy vay! What would you have done?
Things to Think About Before They Happen
Here are some situations when a quick decision might be required regarding whether to make it or not make it your business:
- You notice someone running down the street being chased by another person.
- You observe a child walking in the middle of the street followed by his parents, who are also walking in the middle of the street (constantly happening!).
- In the middle of the Amidah prayer in shul, the person next to you begins talking.
- While taking a walk, you hear loud shouting coming from a house.
- You notice a dog attacking a cat.
- You pass a house and detect a strange odor.
- An elderly person is about to cross the street.
- Two drivers are arguing about who is responsible for the car accident.
After reviewing the above examples, why not discuss them with your friends and family. When would you get involved, and when would you stay away? When are we acting responsibly by involving ourselves in a situation, and when not?
The untershteh shira (bottom line): If you are not certain whether to make it your business or not, consult with your Rav.
Good luck!
