The women tentatively walked into
the shiva house. It is not easy to
pay a shiva call when you know none
of the mourners. Some of the women only knew the person for whom the family was
mourning by hearsay or had quickly exchanged a few words with her once or
twice. Yet, these women came, many of them unable to speak through their tears.
The above scenario
occurred over and over during the week of shiva
for Rena Baron, a”h. These women
participated in Mommy and Me, the free weekly group that Rena organized in late
2022, while taking care of her own family and coping with her diagnosis of
Stage 4 cancer.
The creation and
execution of Mommy and Me exemplified so much about Rena. After Rena’s shocking
diagnosis in the spring of 2021, and after the initial round of surgery and
treatment, the Baron/Lapin family had many discussions about what we could do
as a zechus for a refuah shleimah. Perhaps a gratitude
booklet as being thankful to Hashem was so much a part of Rena’s personality? Perhaps
something to do with the bracha of Asher Yatzar as the amazing majesty of
one’s body became apparent? One idea after another was suggested, but when her
sister Rebecca came up with ideas that would strengthen and honor mothers,
everyone realized that was the most appropriate.
Yet, while there
was financial and other help from family, Rena was the prime mover who made
Mommy and Me happen. Ignoring explanations from those who told her why it
wouldn’t work, starting in January 2023, unless incapacitated by treatment,
Rena supervised each weekly gathering, graciously hosted on Shomrei Emunah’s
premises. From six moms and babies/toddlers to 20, from 20 to 30, a group of
about 50 women now meet to sing and play with their little ones but, more
importantly, to meet and support each other. Having had a difficult time years
earlier at home with little ones in a new city, Rena’s heart went out to those
women who, especially after Covid isolation, thought that they were alone.
Throughout shiva, we heard refrains
of, “I had no friends until Mommy and Me,” and “I thought I was all alone,”
from young mothers.
These new friends
of Rena were joined at shiva by many
who knew her as a young child in Venice, California and in Mercer Island, WA.
Classmates from Bais Yaakov of Denver flocked in from around the country. Her
mail carrier came into the shiva
house crying over the loss of a woman who cheerfully greeted her and cared
about her. Rena’s infectious smile and enjoyment at helping others left a trail
of people who adored her.
Her giving nature
only deepened as she dealt with her health challenge, and that included being
willing to give others the chance to strengthen her. When one Tehillim WhatsApp chat reached its
limitations, a second one was started. For over three years, both were active
around the clock. Adding in Tehillim
said on Shabbos and Yom Tov, plus by those who aren’t on WhatsApp, we estimate
that the entire Sefer Tehillim was
recited well over 1,500 times.
Although Hashem’s
final answer was not what we had davened for, we saw numerous kindnesses from
Hashem that surely were in the zechus
of all the tefillot and mitzvot taken on. This is still ongoing.
A letter we received within 24 hours of Rena’s petira said, “I’ve spoken softer, I’ve hugged longer, I’ve read
extra pages and kissed all the booboos. I’ve smiled from the heart. I’ve taken
time to admire their little fingers and toes and beautiful sparkling eyes. Rena
was so dedicated to her motherhood, and in her zechus, I’ve concentrated more deeply on mine.”
For her part,
Rena’s updates were honest, even sometimes brutal, but always inspiring. One of
her final posts, telling those davening for her that things were looking
serious, opened with these words:
Hashem has blessed me with three years of
living with stage 4 cancer, three years where for the most part I felt really
great and had energy and strength. I know I lived those days fully and joyfully
in appreciation for the gift of each and every day.
Rena shared how
she made time to care for her own needs while planning a special activity or
trip with each of her older children, building memories of her love to sustain
them when she was gone. Two months before her death, while in pain and without
energy, she rested to be able to attend a Baron family wedding, providing
especially her young girls with memories and pictures of dressing up and having
their hair done, dancing with the kallah, all with Mommy smiling at their side.
Those of us privileged to care for Rena saw how she rested for hours to be able
to be up and dressed, make-up on, to share precious time when her devoted
husband Yoni came home from work.
One year before
her passing, Rena and her six siblings gathered from far and near for three
days of sibling camp at a B&B on the Chesapeake Bay. (Their parents were
invited for a barbecue one night and breakfast the next morning.) A few months
before her death, there was a sister overnight in Florida. Rena made sure to
frequently call and visit and be visited by Yoni’s parents, as well as Aunt
Chavy, even when her body was urging her to rest. Until Pesach, way beyond when
her body could do so, Rena kept driving carpool and serving lunch at her
daughters’ school, Bnos Yisroel. She had her priorities straight. Hashem and
family were top contenders for her attention.
We, her family,
are still having trouble realizing that Rena is no longer in this world with
us. Yet the message of her life hasn’t changed from when she was with us,
telling us to be filled with gratitude to Hashem for all His blessings (even
those causing us pain); the primacy of family; and the encouragement to see the
needs of our fellow human beings and step forward to provide help.
