I am most appreciative of the very warm reception that I have been given from the community in my new position at The Shidduch Center of Baltimore. We were greatly pleased with the turnout at our educational event for parents last month, and the feedback that followed was nothing short of heartwarming. Based on the response we have received regarding our initiatives, it is clear that our community has the drive and desire to put forth the necessary effort to help our singles find shidduchim, and to be able to do so in a dignified, respectful way.
In the past few months, as word of The Shidduch Center’s renewed efforts has begun to spread through the community, I have received a number of requests from parents and concerned community members asking what can be done for their children and for our Baltimore singles. While I truly wish that I had a magical solution, and a match for every one of our singles, ready in my back pocket, I regretfully do not. Something of great value we can offer, however, are practical ideas and steps that anyone can take to create dating opportunities for the singles of Baltimore – and, of course, the strength and support of The Shidduch Center to take advantage of these opportunities.
Before laying out a number of practical ideas and programs that I would like to share with you, there are two points that I want to address. The first is the phrase, “It’s not my thing.” Very often, someone may think of a shidduch idea, or one is presented to him or her, and the verbal or mental response is that shidduchim is “not my thing.”
While it is certainly true that most people are not shadchanim, and it is inarguable that redting shidduchim is often a nuanced, time-consuming, and sometimes difficult task, that does not mean there is nothing you can do. The greatest thing we can give our singles is opportunity, and when an idea is presented and gets dismissed because one is unsure of what to do with it, that may very well be an opportunity lost to one of our singles. If there is anything we can’t afford to lose, it is opportunity.
What then is the solution? What can a person who is unfamiliar with the world of shidduchim do when an idea presents itself and they have nowhere to go with it, or if they lack the means or confidence to follow through?
Contact someone who can! Please do not let the opportunity slip away. It is as easy as a phone call or email to me or to one of the many shadchanim in Baltimore, many of whose contact information you will find further on in this article. Whether or not we are familiar with the singles you are looking to redt, we would be more than happy to run with your idea and put it to good use. Contacting someone who can help gives those who have an idea for a shidduch the means to make sure that their idea is not lost. And it gives our shadchanim the ability to redt a shidduch that they otherwise might not have redt. Most importantly, though, it provides our singles with more dating opportunities. Simply stated, it is a win-win-win.
The second point is mindfulness. For someone who is newly married, this could mean taking the time to talk with your spouse and see whether some of your single friends might be good a match for each other. For someone who is dating, this could mean considering whether the person you just dated or looked into who is not right for you might perhaps be right for one of your friends. For a parent with children in shidduchim, this could mean passing along profiles of singles who were not for your child to the parents of a single for whom this profile might be more suitable. For a community member who is in none of the above categories, this means truly thinking about the children of your friends or neighbors.
To elaborate on the idea of mindfulness, I do not mean just an awareness in the back of your head that other singles exist but, rather, actively keeping them in mind as you meet other singles, and moving on an idea that comes to you. Keeping a list of singles you know and referring to it when you meet new singles can prove to be a very useful tool in moving beyond a simple awareness to a more active mindfulness of singles in need of a shidduch.
Remembering the singles you know and putting an idea into action, whether you take the action yourself or enlist the help of someone else, often leads to a successful shidduch. An idea can be all it takes to bring a single to the chuppa.
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There are many steps parents, singles, or community members can take towards creating dating opportunities for singles. The list of practical ideas and programs below are by no means all-inclusive, but they are excellent starting points. I hope that, b’ezras Hashem, they will be successful in generating ideas and creating opportunity for our singles:
1) Send us an email with your name and your child’s name and birth-year, or have your child contact us directly, so we may be in contact with them and keep them informed of upcoming events or opportunities geared towards their age group that may be helpful to them.
2) We are partnering with “Shidduch Share,” where singles or their parents share profiles of young men they have researched or personally met, with designated shadchanim, through the Shidduch Share designated email account. Simply send the profile of the young man you have researched or dated to shidduchsharing@gmail.com. This information will be sent to a few experienced and trusted local shadchanim, who will then try to set up these men with other appropriate young women in town.
3) A very nice program recently put forth is for similarly-aged young women to meet in relatively small groups, under the supervision of a trusted and experienced facilitator and shadchan. Each participant brings a few profiles of young men they know or have dated and presents the profiles, without their names, to the others in the group. The hope is that some of these young men may be a good idea for another young woman in the group or a friend of hers. If an idea has potential, the shadchanim in attendance can move forward on redting it. Each get-together would be conducted in a dignified and sensitive way, and all information would be kept strictly confidential.
4) Similarly, there has been an idea for a program that brings together a few recently married couples to meet in small groups, again, under the supervision of a trusted and experienced facilitator and shadchan, to think of ideas for their single friends. The couples would talk about friends of theirs who are still dating and see if matches could be made among them, with the help of the shadchanim at the program.
5) Another idea is for members of local shuls to meet a few times a year to discuss the singles they know to see if a potential shidduch could be made. Once again, it would be very helpful to have at least one seasoned shadchan at these meetings, who would move forward with an idea if no one present can do so, or if someone needs their help and guidance.
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A few events like these have already taken place in Baltimore, and they have resulted in dates, as well as at least one engagement that we are aware of. If you are interested in spearheading or participating in such an event, please email or call us expressing your interest, so we may move forward with it.
And last, but certainly not least, schedule an appointment for your child to meet with one of the many skilled and experienced shadchanim here in Baltimore. I would like to stress the importance of actually meeting with a shadchan, and not just making a phone call or emailing a profile. When a single actually takes the time to sit down with a shadchan, it allows the shadchan to get a much better overall understanding of the person they are meeting with and what they are looking for, as well as to ask important follow up questions. This understanding, in turn, allows the shadchan to redt shidduchim that are more likely to be on point, with a greater likelihood for success.
The list below includes only shadchanim who have given permission to have their information published. You may feel free to contact me privately if there are other shadchanim you are looking to contact, or if you have questions about recommendations for a shadchan based on the specific needs of your child.
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Mrs. Judi Feldman: jfeldman217@gmail.com
Mrs. Lolly Friedman: 443-929-6100
Mrs. Shulamit Gartenhaus: Target group is girls 22 and up. 410-764-3914,scgarten50@verizon.net
Mrs. Rochelle Goldberg: rgoldberg821@aol.com
Mrs. Mashie Katz: 410-358-5433, mashekatz@gmail.com
Mrs. Michelle Mond: 410-808-1801, michelleshira@gmail.com
Mrs. Tova Rappaport: 410-358-6560, 410-913-5688 (cell), tovashidduch@gmail.com
Mrs. Michal Seidemann: Baltimore girls only, and can only meet on motzaei Shabbos and Sunday nights. 410-764-6335
Mrs. Ruth Stein: 410-764-8318
Rabbi Mendel Wax: 443-591-7548, mwax613@gmail.com
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I urge all of you in our community to take advantage of these ideas and programs, and to use them to create more dating opportunities for our singles. We are of course open to suggestions for other programs and events that could prove beneficial to our community and our singles. Please do not hesitate to share them with me. With Hashem’s help, may we continue to see simcha and bracha for everyone here in our beautiful community.
Shlomo Goldberger is the Director of The Shidduch Center of Baltimore. Please contact him at 443-955-9887 or shlomo@shidduchcenter.org.
