A number of readers have contacted me to ask why I didn’t write an article for the previous (February) edition. Firstly, I apologize that I couldn’t make the last deadline. Secondly, I was gratified to learn that some people actually read my articles.
I have had the privilege of writing
for the WWW for almost five years.
Sometimes readers agree with my take on things and sometimes not. I am grateful
that WWW has allowed me the freedom
to express myself as I see fit. Occasionally, my articles have been
controversial, but still, the magazine’s editors allowed me to be me.
Over 25 years ago, my dear friend
and mentor, Rabbi Dr. Abraham J. Twerski, of blessed memory, told me that I
should write a book. He said, “You should write along the lines of Rabbi
Emanuel Feldman’s Tales Out of Shul
or Rabbi Paysach Krohn’s Maggid stories. Rabbi Twerski said, “I’ll be happy to
give your book my haskama (approbation).”
I always wanted to write the type of book Rabbi Twerski described, but so many
things that seemed critical or more important filled my days.
Over the years, when I would connect
with Rabbi Twerski, he always asked how the book was coming. I would
embarrassingly say, “Not quite there yet.” Given the fact that I was speaking
with someone who had written over 60 books and was much busier than I was, my
“not quite there yet” was pretty pathetic. I must admit that, from the time
Rabbi Twerski suggested that I should write a book, my wife Arleeta served as
his “shaliach” (messenger) to
regularly remind me to “just do it!”
About six years ago, a couple of
years before Rabbi Twerski was niftar
(passed away), he said in one of our conversations, “Lerner (when referring to
himself or when signing letters he would refer to himself as “Twerski”), I
can’t write a haskama if you don’t
write the book – and I’m not getting any younger.” During a subsequent
conversation, he repeated the “I’m not getting any younger” phrase. These
memories came into focus now, because the 19th of Shevat
(President’s Day this year) was Rabbi Twerski’s fourth yahrtzeit.
Sometimes, when we are close to
someone, especially someone active and vibrant, we avoid thinking about
the reality of their mortality. Sadly, as time moves on, and we and those we
love age, the way of the world smacks us on the head. Such was the reality when
Rabbi Twerski fell ill and passed away only a few weeks later. When I spoke to
his wife Gail during shiva, she said,
“Well, my husband did all he could to motivate you to write your book; now, I
guess you’ll have to settle for a haskama
from me.” We both laughed with tears in our eyes.
I don’t have a lot of regrets, but
having never gotten a haskama from
the saintly and brilliant Rabbi Twerski is a big one!
* * *
Five years ago, on the advice of
Arleeta, I submitted an article to WWW about
the last Kaddish I recited for my mom
at the completion of 11 months. That very last Kaddish was recited at the Kotel. That article began my association
with the WWW magazine as a writer not
just a reader. Arleeta encouraged me to keep writing articles since she felt
that writing a few thousand words regularly, on a variety of topics, would work
better for me than facing the seemingly daunting task of composing an entire
book.
What’s ironic and interesting is that
during this time that I was pondering writing a book, my daughter D’vorah
Miller wrote one in 2021! And it was a superb book at that, if I say so myself!
I had the honor and privilege to add a haskama
together with my colleagues and friends Rabbi Dr. Akiva Tatz, Dr. Erica Brown,
Rebbitzen Joanne Dove, and Rabbi Dr. Dovid Refson. In fact, the book she wrote,
entitled Up to G-d: Down-to-
Earth Thoughts on
Elevated Living, published by Mosaica Press and Feldheim, is precisely the
type of book I would have loved to have written. D’vorah seamlessly blends her
personal memories and life experiences into lessons on the weekly sedras and the holidays. Her goal was to
produce a book that could give short, focused insights and lessons to be read
at the Shabbos table. I tried to convince Arleeta that, since D’vorah had
already written my book, the mission was completed. Unfortunately, Arleeta
replied “D’vorah’s book is hers; it doesn’t replace yours.” My wife rarely
pulls punches.
Just as Rabbi Twerski was quite busy,
so too our daughter D’vorah was and is very busy. She is the wife of a rabbi, a
mother of four boys and four girls, ranging in age from 33 to 17, and she’s a
grandmother. She’s a full-time teacher, teaching mentor, speaker, and adult
educator. She also does volunteer work. So I asked myself why D’vorah was able
to produce a top quality book while I’m still hoping, waiting, and wishing to
follow in her footsteps. Evidently, sadly, I never made it a priority.
* * *
Writing regularly for WWW requires coming up with articles
that people will hopefully want to read. It requires making an outline, writing
drafts, and making edits. It has forced me to have respect for deadlines. Since
Covid struck, followed by the October 7th massacre, I have been
busier than I can ever remember. So many people (in Israel and in the Diaspora)
are suffering from acute anxiety and depression. The situation has impacted
almost every Jew to some extent. In addition to my organizational workload,
which has increased exponentially, I have, at the request of colleagues, been
working with some individuals and families in crisis in my professional
capacity as a psychologist.
I have therefore made the difficult
decision to discontinue (at least for a while) my WWW regular articles. The personal positive for me, as Arleeta
noted, is that by editing the many articles that I’ve written for Where What When, I finally have the
framework for a book. Thank you, WWW!
* * *
In the 40s and 50s, there was a
famous heavyweight boxing champion named Rocky Marciano. He “retired” at the
right time. Never having lost a fight, he became known as the undefeated
champion. In contrast, Joe Lewis, who was one of the best boxers of his day,
stayed too long and eventually, sadly, left the ring beaten and defeated. I’ve
often used this as an analogy for individuals in a variety of professions who
remain in jobs long after they should. When Arleeta and I were leaving my
rabbinate in Cape Town, one of the balabatim
said, “Rabbi, it’s so much better when the congregation gives a kiddush for
the rabbi the week before he leaves rather than the week after.” Essentially,
he was saying it’s best to exit the ring undefeated. I do have to mention that
age isn’t necessarily the determining factor when choosing to move on. There
can be many reasons, some personal and some professional. In our case, we
returned to the U.S. to look after aging parents.
Some people are fortunate to remain
active and vibrant as they grow older, as Rabbi Twerski did, but for others –
even those who are considered young – knowing when it’s time to move on from a
particular job is a wise decision for all concerned. I feel that my departure
from regularly writing for the WWW
comes at the right time for me and for my readers.
I want to express my deep
appreciation to the WWW, together
with my editor Elaine Berkowitz, and all those diligent members of the team who
work hard to regularly produce a quality magazine.
*
* *
I’d like to close with a thought
about Purim, which this year will be on erev
Shabbos. There are various approaches
to this year’s seudah (festive meal).
Some people will begin the seudah in
the morning (Rema OC 695:2), and others (Yad Efraim cited in the Mishnah
Berurah) will end the seudah a few
hours before Shabbos. The Mishnah Berurah even discusses what to do if the seudah runs into Shabbos. One thing is
clear: erev Shabbos is a time of
spiritual preparation and introspection and, therefore, as challenging as it
may be, Purim is elevated spiritually on erev
Shabbos. I always have rachmonis
(mercy) for wives and mothers (especially of teenage boys) on Purim – and
because Purim, this year, is erev Shabbos, I wish them extra strength,
blessings, and the ability to pretend not to see certain things. It is most
appropriate to recite, “A Woman of Worth – Aishes
Chayil” (Mishlei Kabbalas Shabbos) every Friday night, but this year, on
the Shabbos immediately after Purim, it should be recited with much kavana.
May Hashem have mercy on His
children, and may our complete redemption come soon! Purim same’ach! L’chaim tovim
u’l’shalom!
