Mazal tov on your new baby! As you lie in bed, dreamily examining her tiny features, you feel so grateful for this moment. You have been planning for the birth of your baby for at least nine months, maybe years – maybe your whole life! You took prenatal vitamins, got ultrasounds, took a prenatal yoga class, and listened to your OB provider’s advice on how to stay healthy and ensure the best outcome for your pregnancy and baby. You took childbirth classes and infant care classes and nursing classes. You researched your provider. You hired a doula. You have a whole shopping list of a stroller, car seat, bassinet, swaddlers, and more, all waiting in your online shopping cart.
And now it’s over. Your
baby is here. What’s next?
* * *
The culmination of all
your preparations and what you’ve been anticipating is really just the
beginning. Now you have to raise your baby! But first you must take care of
yourself. While childbirth is normal and healthy, it is obviously very taxing
on the body. Even when everything goes smoothly, there is still a healing
process that we can’t ignore.
The postpartum period is
called the “fourth trimester.” It’s still part of pregnancy. Your baby still
depends on you for survival and growth. Your body is going through many changes
to revert to the non-pregnant state. Physical, emotional, and hormonal changes
all come at once. It can be overwhelming and challenging.
Physically, after the
placenta is released, there is a gaping wound inside your uterus that must
heal. If this wound were outside the body, you would be very cautious. Just
because you can’t see it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take care of your body to
allow it to heal. Your body is also beginning to make milk, which requires
rest, hydration, and good nutrition. Your baby needs to eat every two to three
hours, which means you need to sleep whenever you can.
Emotionally, your
hormones are all over the place postpartum. Baby blues are normal the first few
days. But if you feel overwhelmed and unable to handle your emotions beyond
that, you should talk to someone about postpartum depression.
* *
*
In America, postpartum
depression is very common. Why is that?
We don’t support our
postpartum mothers. We expect them to bounce back and drive carpool two days
after birth. You might have a meal train for two weeks, but your baby is still
waking up in the middle of the night at three weeks. You need to go back to work
at six weeks, when you’re just starting to get back into your regular body and
maybe find a routine with your baby.
In other parts of the
world and throughout history, postpartum women were cared for. Many cultures
require women to stay in bed for 40 days after birth. They are fed and cared
for by their extended families. Their children are cared for by their village.
Women are supported, and their role as child birthers is valued.
Your only job postpartum
should be to take care of yourself and your baby. This is the best way to heal.
Staying in bed, eating and drinking, caring for your baby, and resting provides
the ultimate postpartum recovery.
The “5-5-5 rule” says
five days in the bed, five days on the bed, and five days around the bed. That means resting! No
cleaning, doing laundry, washing dishes, cooking meals, lifting younger kids.
Take advantage of this time! Enjoy your “babymoon” and allow your body to heal.
You won’t get this chance to bond with your baby uninterrupted again.
* *
*
Do you wonder why your
baby is six months old and you’re still exhausted? In many cases it can be
because those first two postpartum weeks were interrupted. Research shows that
a woman who rests for two weeks postpartum has a more successful nursing relationship,
heals quicker, and is more stable emotionally. For every day that you don’t
rest postpartum, an entire month can be added to your emotional recovery.
How in the world am I
supposed to rest for two weeks, you might ask! It’s all about prenatal
preparation. Just as you’re preparing your birth plan and your newborn layette,
you should prepare for this “two-week vacation.” Cook double and stock your
freezer with carefully labeled meals. Arrange carpools and childcare. Teach
your kids (or husband) how to use the dishwasher and washing machine. Set up
your shopping list online so you can push a button, and food shows up at your
door. Stagger your help so your mother isn’t coming to visit while your husband
is still off work.
* *
*
We are lucky in
Baltimore to have AIM, the organization that supports postpartum women. Its
members understand the importance of having healthy mothers in our community.
They understand that having babies is hard, and we and our families need
support. AIM offers meals for the family after the meal train is finished,
cleaning help, nursing support groups, Mommy and Me groups, and more! It is
really a blessing for our community and one we should take advantage of and
support.
Still, our families and
neighbors need to chip in as well. Offer to drive carpool for a postpartum
mother. Offer to take her kids for a couple hours so she can sleep. Ask if she
needs anything when you go to the grocery store. Stop by and wash her dishes or
throw in a load of laundry. Refill her water bottle and bring her a healthy
snack. Employers can offer more remote work options or longer maternity leave.
America is the only country in the developed world that doesn’t have paid
maternity leave as a national standard.
While a new baby is a
wonderful blessing, it can be a stressful time for a mother and the entire
family. With the help of our families and community, we can reduce the stress
and ensure that every mother receives the support she deserves.
Bayla Berkowitz is
a Certified Nurse Midwife, bodekes, kallah
teacher, and owner of Charm City Midwives, a local practice that offers
homebirth and routine well woman care: www.charmcitymidwives.com
