The Joy of Gila In Memory of Gila Ely, a”h

I remember when Gila was born. A girl! Mom – Grandma Bourge – was so happy to finally be able to buy another pair of Mary Jane shoes, even if she had to send them to Detroit! And when their family moved back to Cleveland, the bonus was that we got to inherit all the beautiful hand-me-downs. 

That was too many lifetimes ago.

Watching Gila grow up was like watching sunshine. Gila was warm, loving, capable, kind, and generous. She had an ever-so-slight-only-those-who-knew-her-well- kind of lisp with a lilt in her voice and an almost breathless-with-a-hint-of-hoarseness way of talking, plus that natural, impish smile. 

Perhaps more than all else, Gila shared her toys. That says a lot. Gila exuded a special kind of warmth that was simply infectious, and that was evident by the wonderful friends and extended family she collected along the way. 

Gila was so beloved. She was a devoted daughter, daughter-in-law, an adored wife, an incredible mother, a favorite sibling, and a special niece and cousin. Sisters-in-law became loving sisters, and friends became sisters, too. She had a calming effect on people. She cared enough to step in when needed yet respected boundaries when that was appropriate. It was that inherent quality of compassion and caring that flowed from her heart to yours. It is not just we who are bereft – it is the entire Baltimore community as well. Missing is a loneliness all its own.

When Gila married Doniel and moved to Baltimore, they became a power team, encouraging and supporting each other in the way that comes naturally to two people whose focus was always on the other. They each come from loving and devoted parents, and they brought those inherited skills into their home as their family grew – always keeping an eye on their shared goal – creating a nurturing, healthy environment filled with fun, laughter, and joy: a true, everlasting home bringing nachas to the Ribono Shel Olam and to their wonderful parents. And that they did in spades! 

Gila lived a life of purpose. Her full-time job was keeping her priorities straight. She “mothered” each of her remarkable children and wove spirituality, ruchnius, into her parenting, allowing and encouraging them all to be cocooned in emunah, in faith. She continuously looked for ways to enhance her relationship with family, friends, and especially the One Above, and she always found different avenues to make that happen.

It was not unusual to hear that this fabulous Ely clan was in camp for a month or two or in Israel for even longer, because they did so much together. And if Gila was driving carpool or out shopping, it was always with some kids in tow, along with her radiant smile.

And oh, that smile. Gila may have been ill these past years, but she never “lived sick.” We never heard a word about treatment, appointments, cycles or protocols that did or did not work. That is what has made this loss so very painful for me and for so many others. Gila was always filled with life and hope and the sunbeams that seemed to permeate her many lasting and loving relationships.

I have a phone message that Gila left me a few weeks ago complimenting me on a recent article she liked – I think, before she tossed it – and I keep playing it over and over, because if I do, she is still here.

We are taught that the third Beis Hamikdash will be built by tears. I am comforted that, after these past weeks, that foundation has now been laid. As to what becomes of all the heartfelt, longing tefilos whispered on her behalf? I have a feeling that they have been deposited into a special account, and that the Ultimate Executor will safeguard them for us so that they can be used to fill the terribly empty spaces that may sometimes be created through our future fears, uncertainty, and pain. And they will be accompanied by those little rays of sunshine that Gila herself will send us – to sprinkle among ourselves and to help bring us comfort. Yehi zichra baruch.