Once upon a time, when our techter (daughters) were kinderlach (tots), I often asked them, “What’s the main thing?” Their response: “To be a mentch!” It was a doctrine that we “drilled” into their kepelach (minds). Yet being a mentch was challenging at times because of situations that arose at school or in the community. When there was a situation that warranted discussion, we had a family meeting and reviewed the problem. Next we discussed the boundaries of being a mentch.
Voss hayst? What do you mean? you may ask. Iz dehr enfehr, the answer is that at times it was questionable whether the mentch option was applicable. For example, you raise your family as shomer mitzvot (observant) Yidden. What if a non-religious youngster moves into the neighborhood? He or she should be invited to play with the religious group, right? That’s being a mentch. However, what if the newcomer expresses antireligious sentiments? Would you still invite the child to your house?
Iz dehr kasheh, the question is, what constitutes being a mentch? Of course it means to follow the sayings in Pirkei Avos (Ethics of the Fathers,) and perhaps some books about good manners - if such a thing is still published.
First let’s define the word “mentch.” Simply put, a mentch is a person. Nu, you may respond, everybody is a person! A fehrd (horse) is not a mentch, a hintel (dog) is not a mentch, (although dog admirers may disagree) but a mentch is a mentch: a person!
Now let’s contemplate the Yiddish definition of a mentch. A mentch is a high quality person!
Incidentally, the word mentch can be used in another context. For example, if something gets tsuzetst (messed up), such when you varnish a floor and forget to provide an exit! This trapped schlemiel can still rescue his or her self-image by thinking, mehn iz nawr ah mentch, we’re only human, so no big deal that I am stuck in the corner. I am still an important member of society!”
How does a Yiddle improve his mentch image? you may ask. A good kasha (question). My old school rebbi would have responded, “Oych mihr a kasha!” (meaning it’s not such a great question). “By following the teachings of our holy Torah; what else!?”
Reviewing a section of the Torah every Shabbat is one way we constantly improve at being mentchen. The Torah is deeper than the ocean, so to speak, and we are fortunate to have fabulous sages such as Rashi, the Rambam, and many other Torah scholars to explain the meanings of the Torah. For example, when stating the punishment for inflicting damage to another person, the Torah says. “An eye for an eye.” Some folks read the Bible literally and criticize the statement as being too stringent. However, our scholars interpret “an eye for an eye” as monetary payment for the inflicted pain, medical expenses, loss of wages, and embarrassment.
Incidentally, there are Bible critics who accuse us of being a harsh people. They falsely proclaim that their deity is full of love while ours is merely vengeful! In truth, they fail to comprehend the Torah’s messages and thus cause gross misunderstanding of our religion, unfortunately.
Here are some of the messages derived from the Torah: Be concerned about others as much as you are concerned about yourself.
â—† Never inflict physical or mental pain.
â—† Never curse or strike another person.
â—† If you cause damage to others, pay for it!
â—† Avoid causing unnecessary suffering to animals.
â—† Keep your property safe.
â—† Guard possessions in your care.
â—† Be hospitable to newcomers.
â—† Be extra sensitive to the feelings of widows and orphans.
â—† Assist those in need.
â—† Avoid reviling G-d.
â—† Avoid cursing leaders.
â—† If you are a judge, avoid favoritism.
â—† Avoid gossip (lashon hara). Do not kill with words.
â—† Avoid revenge. Do not kill with deeds.
â—† Rest on Shabbat and make it a special and delightful day.
â—† Deal honestly with all people.
Here are a few misehs (stories) that illustrate mentch and nonmentch behavior. At the end of each, you can give it a mentch rating:
Maiseh I: The Alter (Old) Shul
Many moons ago, there was a shul that was burdened with financial tsoress (problems), an alteh tsawrew (an old congregational ailment). So who handles such a problem? The board of directors, who else? A meeting was held, and the board decided that the shul could no longer afford the services of both a rabbi and a cantor.
What to do? When the rabbi’s contract ended, they terminated it. Next, they asked the cantor to also serve as the shul’s rabbi. He responded that he was not certified as a rabbi. The board was insulted at his “chutzpa,” so they met for three days and three nights and soon initiated a job search for a new creation, a rabbi/cantor! One cloudy day, a rabbi/cantor responded to the ad, and he was hired.
The cantor was released from his position, but he decided to attend services at the shul one more time. The new rabbi/cantor also attended services as if ess volt gornisht gevehn (nothing had happened). The ex-chazan approached him and asked whether he was going to be the chazan of the shul. His response alarmed those who heard his reply, which was, “Chas vesholom (G-d forbid)! I wouldn’t take away your parnassa!” The following week, he conducted services officially as the new “rabbi/cantor.”
What mentch rating would you give him?
By the way, a din Torah was initiated by the old chazan, but ess hawt gornished geholfehn (nothing helped). The new rabbi/cantor maintained the position. However, he became oys kapalush macher (no longer employed) when the shul closed.
Msiseh II: A Nyer (New) Shul
This miseh occured many years later in a different shul. The shul’s rabbi retired and his new title became “rabbi emeritus.” It was time for services, and the newly appointed rabbi sat on one side of the platform, while the rabbi emeritus sat on the other side.
One Shabbat morning, a congregant had an urgent halachic question which required an immediate response. He approached the rabbi emeritus and asked his question. Although, was quite knowledgeable of halacha, the rav referred him to the newly appointed rabbi. What mentch rating would you give the rabbi emeritus?
Maiseh III: Andy Griffith
Can we learn about being a mentch from folks outside of the Yiddisher fold? To answer that question, let’s review a vintage television show, “The Andy Griffith Show,” one of the most beloved on TV.
Various happenings occur in a small town in the South called Mayberry. Andy Griffith is the sheriff of Mayberry, whose motto in life was “Ah Appreciate It.” Barney Fife is his goofy deputy. In one episode, Andy is exploring a cave. Suddenly, there is a rumble, and rolling rocks seal the front entrance of the cave. Andy is not overly alarmed and begins walking towards the opposite end of the cave. He discovers an opening and soon heads for home. Meanwhile, his deputy is still at the front of the cave and, in a panic, summons the Mayberry residents to dig out the rocks.
Andy arrives home, turns on the radio, and listens to a news report about rescue efforts led by Barney Fife. If Andy returns to the cave area and reveals that he is safe, Barney will become the laughing stock of Mayberry – a real umglick (misfortune). Andy therefore returns to the area, re-enters the cave from the back and pretends to be in a daze.
After much huffing and puffing, Barney and crew finally clear the rocks. They spot Andy, who intentionally placed dirt on his clothing and face. Andy acts as if he’s half ihn drerd (dead), and profusely thanks Barney for saving his life, while Mayberry’s finest applaud Barney Fife. Thus, instead of making Barney a village idiot, Andy presents him as the town hero!
What is Andy’s mentch rating?
Maiseh IV: Aynikel (Grandson) Tale
And then there is my aynikel Ryan Ephraim. Nu, you may comment, aren’t grandchildren always mentchen? Ask any grandparent! So hare zich tsue (give a listen).
Ryan Ephraim was kvetching the benkel (sitting) in his classroom when he noticed a new class member. The new kid was a bit slow understanding classroom rules, and a few bratty youngsters were mocking him. Upon observing the situation, Ryan approached the newcomer and helped him understand classroom procedures.
During recess, the group had a game of football, and the new kid was ignored. Ryan, who is a star athlete (ask my daughter!), somehow got him involved in the game. His act of friendship was noted by others and appreciated by the teacher.
What mentch rating would you give Ryan Ephraim?
Maiseh V: Confusion on the Highway
When driving, it is possible to act like a mentch, believe it or not! Unfortunately, the masses drive like mishugayim (nutty critters); giving another driver the right of way is a major problem. For example, driving on highway 695, also known as the Beltway, you takeh can get belted! Thus, if you are in the right lane, you may suddenly approach a huge arrow pointing to the left lane! You must move towards the left lane. The problem is that vehicles will not permit you to move into that lane. Voss zoll mehn tawn (what to do)? You put on your blinker and wait and wait and noch ah mol wait! What else? Meanwhile, the driver in the vehicle behind you vehrt tsutumult (goes nuts) and toots his horn repeatedly. Once in a yovel (fifty years), a driver who is a mentch will let you in, and he deserves a four-star mentch rating!
Maiseh VI: Computer Mania
When the internet connection in my computer chalished (zonked out), I notified the DSL customer support for assistance. After being transferred from one recorded message to another, I was finally connected with a human being (in Mexico?). His English was as clear as cholent, so to speak. So if you don’t understand voss ehr zokt (what he says), how can he be of assistance?
After haken mihr in chinik (babbling), the “technician” assured me that the internet service would be restored shortly. The “shortly” became many hours. Other technicians were notified, and I finally was prepared to contact a professional computer expert.
I gave it one last effort. G-t hawt gehawlfehn (Hashem helped), and I was connected with a human being residing in the U.S.! She was polite, and after listening to the details of my problem, she notified the correct personnel to resolve it. The internet was restored in a short time! Next day she inquired whether everything was okay. I thanked her and suggested sending a positive note to her boss, but she declined the offer.
What mentch rating would you give her?
To sum it up, and as my former school rebbi repeatedly told the class: Gehdenk (remember)! Ih-mehr (always) zie ah mentch!â—†
