To Theme or Not to Theme…

LifeStyle·ish by Shani, Dena, and Daniella

Purim themes have gained a reputation for coordinating family costumes with accompanying shalach manos almost too cute to eat. It seems that every year the bar is raised, with the ideas more original and the effort more involved. You may be on “team-theme” and enjoy working out all the details. Or you may be on team-theme because that’s the team your sister is on, but you would rather just let the kids dress up how they want and buy most of your shalach manos contents at Costco.

Maybe you’re on “team-not-to-theme” and prefer to focus on other aspects of the day, such as the seudah or making specialty hamentaschen. Or you might be on team-not-to-theme because dreaming up a Purim theme is just not something you have the time and energy for, and you feel your Purim will be special without it.

Some of us are excited to use our creative talents to elevate the day, and some of us create simchas Purim through other avenues. Whether you are on the theme-team or not, the focus of the day should be on fulfilling all four mitzvos of Purim: Megillah, mishloach manos, matanos la’evyonim, and seudas Purim. With that in mind, we wanted to gather the thoughts of “the wife,” “the husband,” “the teen,” and “the child” on the theme topic.

Wife

“I have to be honest: Themes are a lot of work. They take effort on the planning end and the executing front. But I love it. I look forward to creating a theme for Purim. Themes are my contribution to the chag. Purim day is so busy, between Megillah reading, giving out shalach manos, carving out time for Tehillim, and making a seudah – and, oh yeah, can’t forget about taking care of the children – there is a lot to the day. By working in my piece beforehand, I know that I can focus my attention on the more important aspects of the holiday on the actual day.

“Although this may seem extreme to some, here is the Purim process that works for me and my family in terms of budget, time, and effort:

·         I try to think of a theme around Chanukah (I know... it’s so in advance!), which I keep centered on my children and always kid friendly. Another tip is to try to pick a theme that already incorporates food, such as bakers, baristas, or s’mores.

·         I buy the costumes in January along with any nonperishable shalach manos items in February. This way I can spread out the cost over two or three months.

·         Personalized labels make it all the more special, and printing your theme as a logo on stickers for each item makes a huge difference in the presentation. Remember, themes don’t have to be expensive.

·         I make a list of the approximate number of shalach manos packages I will need. (I always try to give one or two to someone I would like to get to know better.) And when planning my budget, I take into account that one should allocate more money to matanos la’evyonim than to shalach manos. I put together the shalach manos as much as I can on the Sunday before Purim and finish up what can only be done last minute on erev Purim/Purim day.

·         Shalach manos are the perfect way to show hakaras hatov to those who do a lot for us all year round. The recipient will feel appreciated whether the package goes with the family costume or not.

·         Good ways to save are patronizing a costume gemach or borrowing costumes from a friend. Limiting the number of items in the shalach manos will go unnoticed as creativity goes a long way in terms of quality over quantity. Dollar stores and Five and Below have a wide array of supplies as well.

·         For now, my children are happy to be a part of the family theme, and they choose their costumes for the Purim dress-up day at school.

·         Purim themes can create an underlying feeling of competition. If you want to do a theme, it should be because you enjoy it rather than because you feel like you have to keep up with everyone else. I plan to stay on team-theme as long as we theme b’simcha.”

Husband

“I appreciate a good theme. I get it. It’s cute. My wife plans it all, and on Purim day I see it come together. But if Purim were up to me, I would get a nice bag and put in a drink, a hamentasch, and some popcorn. The kids would dress up as they like, and I would focus on the four mitzvos of the day.

“Many people think that hiddur mitzva is about having beautiful things to make the mitzva more special: the esrog without any blemishes, the sterling menorah, and the biggest bouquet for Shavuos. But the point of the esrog, menorah, and flowers is to be mehudar yourself – meaning that the beautiful things surrounding these Yom Tovim are meant to increase your ruchniyus. If a themes Purim does that for you – if it gives you and your family a good feeling for Purim – go for it! But if it creates stress, conflict, and too much of a financial burden, you will still have a beautiful Purim without the coveted theme.

“If Purim themes are not your strong suit, recognize that the most important part of the day has nothing to do with coordinating family costumes and shalach manos planned months in advance. An un-themed Purim has the same the opportunity as a themed one, after all. Baruch Hashem, there are many Yom Tovim throughout the year that offer ways for different strengths to shine. You can’t do everything every time (financially, emotionally, and physically). The family that does a theme on Purim may have a simple milchig kiddush on Shavuos or a short and sweet Pesach Seder. Wherever we choose to put our energy, let’s remember the spiritual importance of the day.”

Teenager

“Purim themes are so cute! The whole family working together makes the day so much fun! I love getting ideas from magazines and really enjoy seeing how creative families are with their costumes. But the shalach manos are definitely the cutest part. I don’t feel pressured to come up with the best theme at all, and no one keeps their ideas a secret until Purim, so there is no competitive feeling; it just feels like it brings simcha. The only thing is that most of my siblings don’t want to dress up as a family, so I dress up with my younger sister and really enjoy making the shalach manos for our theme. Another option is to have every kid dress as something different, and then the family tries to think of an overarching theme to it all together. The shalach manos in that case would really put a bow on the theme concept.”

Child

“Purim is such a fun day! I get to dress up how I want to and help give out shalach manos. I like to make my own special shalach manos to give out to friends. I like being part of my family’s costume as long as I am able to pick out what goes in my shalach manos.”

More about Shalach Manos

Themes may not be your thing, and that’s okay! Here are 10 ways to have special shalach manos without a theme attached:

·         Make 10 nice packages (including a bottle of wine and a mini-bundt cake), and make the others simple.

·         Make a donation in honor of your shalach manos recipients list.

·         Have something homemade (always label for allergens and kashrus).

·         Include a cute poem.

·         Add a picture/card.

·         Get crafty – elevate a brown paper lunch bag by adding a clown made out of construction paper.

·         Put your shalach manos in something reusable. Most people love this!

·         Stick to one color scheme. This creates an elegant look.

·         Bartenura cans and bottled iced coffees will always take your shalach manos to the next level.

·         Mason jar salads and smoothie packs are adorable and practical for those on the road giving out shalach manos.

What the Experts Say

We enlisted the help of two professionals to provide ideas on how to have beautiful shalach manos, theme or no theme:

Simcha Sweets has something for everyone with its wide variety of products and price points. They have beautifully put together shalach manos packages as well as individual treats to add to your own designs.

Kelly Yudkowsky of Simcha Sweets loves Purim and always has a theme. Her themes have ranged from chassan and kallah, with heart-shaped treats and champagne, to the Berenstain Bears with bear-shaped candies and a story to go with it. Kelly says stories or poems work perfectly to incorporate your theme, especially if it’s a less obvious one. Kelly has been doing themes with her kids for over 30 years; she says that her kids haven’t always been interested, but when they are, they enjoy contributing ideas.

Simcha Sweets can accommodate themes and custom orders! Kelly recommends choosing your theme six weeks before Purim if you want to order custom items since it takes time to find the right colors and choose the right candies. If you don’t do a theme, wine and chocolate are always good. Kelly says to keep the recipient in mind when planning your shalach manos. For instance, it is best to give a teacher something packaged rather than home baked. When giving to a friend with kids, make it kid friendly. “People love novelty and creativity,” she adds.

Kelly shares that her favorite shalach manos on her website is the clown piñata! Whenever she gets a new container, she’s always excited to fill it and create new arrangements. Some of our favorites are the Purim Breakfast Box; Dairy Chocolate Popcorn Pretzel Pizza; Seudas Shabbos, which includes a bottle of grape juice, marzipan challahs, and gummy fish; and Jelly Belly Purim, with a jelly belly dispenser and a starter kit of jellybeans.

Arielle Poliakoff of Pretty Sweet Confections creates tasty and impressive custom baked goods perfect to grace your Shabbos table, display for special events, and for gifting, too. “A great way to represent your theme is the packaging,” says Arielle. “Oriental Trading and Ali Express have good options. Every shalach manos needs packaging so why not make it on theme! Plus, it’s the first thing the recipient will see.”

Shalach manos are so fun when the contents are turned into an activity, says Arielle. For example, if the theme is pizza related, send a make-your-own pizza kit – crust, sauce, and cheese – and have fun with the toppings. For a “bakers” theme, the shalach manos can be a whole cupcake-decorating experience. Better yet, any theme can be incorporated into cupcake decorating: astronauts get star sprinkles, and dogs get paw print sprinkles. Sprinkles are easy to find, and anyone can color frosting! “If you are not going the DIY route, you can always order custom cookies to go with your theme,” she continues, “and a baker can make anything into a cookie – from as simple as Happy Purim to a cow cookie for a farmer theme to something as intricate as a whole set of miniature solar system cookies.”

The standard shalach manos that Pretty Sweet Confections offers range from simple popcorn and hamentaschen to mixed-treat options to a bottle of wine and hamentaschen box. Any selection from the shalach manos collection is fitting to send to your friend, teacher, rabbi, and rebbetzin! Before Arielle releases her official Purim menu, people have the opportunity to make custom orders. Pretty Sweet Confections can create the whole shalach manos from start to finish or just a portion of it for that extra special something.

Consider a custom cookie, meringue pop, or other beautiful treats from Arielle’s menu. Keep in mind that custom Purim orders need to be placed at least a few weeks before Purim due to the time constraints in fulfilling orders. (At the time of print, Arielle is not taking custom orders but take a look at her regular Purim menu!)

Although Arielle is a professional baker and is obviously super creative, elaborate-themed shalach manos and coordinating family costumes do not comprise her simchas Purim. “It’s not worth getting stressed out over,” she says. “Imagine that the baby spits up on the costume, the toddler doesn’t want to get into the costume, and your teen won’t go near you, she’s so embarrassed. You’ll never get a good picture that way!”

Arielle always includes hamentaschen, a nice drink, candies that she lets the kids pick out, and caramel popcorn in her nice but un-themed personal packages. If you are going with a theme, Arielle’s advice is to brainstorm with your children and see if they have any ideas. This is a way to include and excite them and offers an opportunity for children to take ownership of the chag and the mitzvos and get personal fulfillment.

To conclude, themes are the cherry on top of a sweet Purim. They hold a lot of simcha but are never meant to take away from the holiness of the day or cause negative or stressful feelings. Purim is a day of simcha even if you have a Queen Esther, a policeman, and a clown in your crew. Are you team-theme or team-not-to-theme? We wish you a freilichen Purim either way. And now… on to Pesach!