Close your eyes and imagine that
you are standing at the Kosel Hamaaravi. What are you davening for?
“If I could daven at the
Kosel right now,” Mrs. Penina Rosenberg began, “I would daven that, in
this crazy world, my children should grow up pure, ehrlich, and happy to
be a Yid. And that when there are challenges, and even emergencies, I should
know how to deal with them.”
This is how Mrs. Penina Rosenberg,
Hineni L’Doros facilitator in Lakewood, began her talk to tens of women of the
Baltimore community on Sunday evening, March 10, in a special event entitled,
“Evening of Hineni: Understanding the Technology Challenge.”
Hineni L’Doros, a project of TAG
International, arranges a six-week series of workshops for mothers, providing
them with guidance needed to help their families navigate the challenges of
technology. It is a division of Hineni, a three-year curriculum, created by
TAG, to give the future mothers of Klal Yisrael the hashkafos and
tools to live their lives and fight the challenges of technology.
In this standalone lecture, Mrs.
Rosenberg emphasized the need to be educated about the rapidly changing world
of technology, the importance of setting boundaries to our own technology
usage, the imperative to understand the challenges that our children are
facing, and the knowledge of how to provide them with the proper guidance in
navigating a world that is growing increasingly dependent on technology every
day. The trick is to take charge of our technology usage and not have the
technology take charge of us.
Our children learn about life by
observing our actions. Whether we know it or not, we are their consummate role
models. But what happens when we are busy on our devices at all times?
Children need to be able to access
the undivided attention of their parents. If the child tries to speak to
his/her parents about something important, or even something unimportant, and
the parent is distracted by their devices, what does that do to the child?
Every parent will readily admit
that their children mean the world to them and that they would give anything
for that “nachas moment.” But when we are engaged in our devices and the
children feel that they are just “interruptions” or second-class citizens, it
is very damaging to their emotional development. Furthermore, we may very
likely miss that “nachas moment.”
Another consideration is the social
development of our children. Research shows that social skills in today's
children are lagging terribly. When mothers interact with their friends via
texting, the children lose out on the opportunity to observe proper
communication skills. Overuse of technology, especially constantly checking the
news, severely affects one’s ability to empathize with others, which is the
single most important skill in building healthy relationships, especially in
marriage.
The need for guidance and education
in the area of technology is crucial: first of all, because we need to
understand the challenges that our children are facing so that we can
properly guide them. Second, we don’t really know where the world is going, and
how much we will have to rely on technology in another five or ten years.
Therefore, we must be informed and prepared to face the challenges properly.
We all have to ask ourselves, “What
is our relationship with technology?” “What are our gedarim, our
boundaries, when using technology?” What if our children see us turning off our
phone before we daven? Turning off our phone when they come home from
school? Turning off our phone before Shabbos? This is our mesirus nefesh
for raising pure Torahdik children.
Furthermore, it is crucial to
understand the challenges that our children are enduring, as technology
advancement “just happened.”
“We didn’t know,” maintained Mrs.
Rosenberg, “that when we gave our teenagers a phone, even a flip-phone, we
would not be able to have input on their friendships. We did not know that when
we gave our teenagers a phone, they might come to view Shabbos as a jail, as
they cannot text their friends. We did not know that when we gave our children
a tablet, it would be that much harder for them to focus on their Chumash.”
A teenager might be begging and
pleading for a smartphone, even throwing a teenage tantrum. But deep down, she
does not want her parents to give in and buy her a smartphone. Mrs. Rosenberg related that girls have come
over to her and cried, “My parents hate me!” Why? “Because they bought me a
smartphone!” Even though the girl might admit to having thrown a tantrum and making
all sorts of threats, she will sheepishly concede, “It is a teenager’s job to
throw a tantrum; it is the parent’s job to say no.”
The social pressure to engage in
technology usage is overwhelming for most teenagers. Additionally, many class
announcements and discussions are carried out over group chats, whether on
WhatApp or Gmail. It is extremely difficult for a child to remain strong in the
face of being left out of this social dynamic.
If we want our children to stay off
these devices, we must create a teivah (ark) for them, and give them a
home that is clean, pure, and kadosh, so that they have the strength to
go out and face the world. If we don’t want them to be pulled toward
technology, we have to give them alternatives: a house full of books and toys –
let them play and make a mess – music to listen to, outings at the park.
Because if we don’t, what are the alternatives?
Nowadays, children will naturally
be pulled toward technology, as it is the nisayon hador, the great challenge of our generation. At
the very least, we can give them pleasurable, meaningful alternatives so that at
least they have a choice: screen time or baking with Mommy!
One final point: Technology
is not “all or nothing.” We can make choices regarding how much we will use
technology, and we can help our children make choices that we – and they – will
be proud of. Harav Mattisyahu Salomon, zt”l,
said, “No parent can be
guaranteed that their children will be protected from digital harm. But the
more we invest in keeping our children and homes clean, the more we can daven
and hope for nachas from them.”
Mrs. Rosenberg will be organizing
Hineni L’Doros workshops in Baltimore shortly after Pesach. The workshops will
be held on Sunday evenings, and will run for six weeks, with separate tracks
for mothers and for post-seminary girls. Pricing will depend on the number of
participants. For more information, please contact Mrs. Elisheva Shnidman at
443-769-0830 or Mrs. Aviva Rosenberg at 443-814-2937.
