During these hot summer days, I visited
three cemeteries in just a week’s time. First, my wife and I went to the
cemetery in Woodbridge New Jersey, where her parents are buried, as we commemorated
her mother’s yahrzeit. My
mother-in-law was a Trenk, and the Trenk family plot is a very chashuv (prestigious) place. The Trenk patriarchs,
Morris and Shea, brothers who ran the Morris Trenk Hosiery and Underwear store
on Orchard Street on the Lower East Side, are buried there. There also lie my
in-laws (Morris’s daughter and husband), very special people; their cousins,
the Schechters of Pioneer Country Club and the Granit Pesach hotel fame; and
Reb Dovid Trenk, possibly one of the greatest mechanchim (educators) of this century; as well as his brother and
other wonderful cousins.
Then, in early July, I went, with my
sister Aviva who is here from Israel, to the kevarim of our maternal grandparents, the Goldschmidts, in
Vineland, New Jersey. (I am named after my grandfather and carry his Hebrew
name Ze’ev.) After they arrived in New York in 1940, they moved to a chicken
farm in Vineland. Unfortunately, my grandfather died suddenly in 1948 and was
buried in Vineland. Many years later, my grandmother was buried next to her
husband. The cemetery is very well kept and is the resting place of many
refugees from the Holocaust, who also bought chicken farms, ensuring they would
have a parnassa in the new world.
Today there is only one shomer Shabbos family
in Vineland, which was once a thriving frum
town.
A day later, my sister went with me
to visit the Chevra Ahavas Chesed bais olam
in Randallstown. There lie my dear parents, my paternal grandparents, and
my Aunt Ruth. It was my Aunt Ruth’s yahrzeit
so we made a point to visit the cemetery and said hello to my parents and
grandparents as well.
Once, many years ago, I walked
with my father through this cemetery. He looked about, and I will never forget
what he said: “I know more people in here than I know out there”! I did not
appreciate that wisdom then, but as I age it becomes more and more relevant.
One look around the cemetery is a photograph of my life: the Kranzlers, the
Froehlichs, the Bondis ,the Cohns, the Lassons, the Flamms, and so many others
of the Yekkish community of Shearith Israel attendees and so many of my
parents’ close friends were laid to rest in quiet Randallstown. As I pass the
tombstone of each, there are so many fascinating stories I could tell of these
people whom I respected while growing up in my “shtetl.” My mentors and teachers are all buried in this very holy
place.
What Time Is Shabbos
in Heaven?
As we get on in years, there comes a time when our thoughts
turn to our eventual demise (after 120 years). One of the decisions that must
be made is where to be buried.
I once called a cousin, Reb Chaim
Yitzchack Trenk, a”h, and asked if
there would be room for me and my wife in the Trenk family plot. Since our kids
reside in New York, why make them travel to our eventual kevarim (graves) all the way in Baltimore? We wanted a closer
location for them to visit us. Even though we are members of Chevra Ahavas
Chesed here in Baltimore, and own karka
(plots) for eventual graves, we felt New Jersey was a better choice. Anyway,
back to the phone call, Chaim Yitzchack yelled, “We do not plan such things in
advance; call me when you’re dead,” and hung up on me.
Many people decide to be buried in
Eretz Yisrael, which is a definite upgrade, and it is a personal decision we
all can make. Now that Har Hazeisim and Har Menuchot are almost full, Eretz
Hachaim, the bais olam in Beit
Shemesh, seems to be the popular burial site.
Many years ago, my parents wanted
to visit the kever (grave) of a
former Baltimorean who, because of his generosity to the Ponevezher Yeshiva,
was buried in Bnei Brak. Before going to the grave, they met with the
Ponevezher Rosh Yeshiva, Harav Yosef Shlomo Kahaneman, zt”l. It was a Friday around 1 p.m., and he told them that they
should not go to a bais olam on
Friday after chatzot (midday) because
it was already Shabbos in Shamayim.
Along with a myriad shuls, schools,
organizations, and institutions, Baltimore provides also excellent
accommodations for those who leave this world in our city. We are very
fortunate to have the services of Sol Levinson’s Funeral Home. Along with the
dignity Levinson’s provides, the chevra
kadishas, Chevra Ahavas Chesed and the Agudah, do wonderful work. Many incredible
baalei chesed work with these chevras to perform the taharas and the other duties associated
with burial. This is one of the greatest mitzvos, that of kavod hamais. I will
mention the Steinharter families, the Bamberger families, the Birnbaum
families, the Gutman families, the Steinhart families, Shlomo Horowitz, Jason Broth, Ranessa Labovitz, and Mrs. Irma
Pretsfelder, as well as my rebbe Mr. Kurt Flamm, a”h, Joe Nelkin, a”h, and
many others who have been involved in this holy work. If I forgot to mention
you, please forgive me; you know who you are, but these are a few that I
personally have had contact with over the years.
No one is in a rush to use these
wonderful services, of course, but death and taxes are inevitable. Baltimore is
a heavily taxed place, and the malach
hamavis is unfortunately very busy here
as well. Death is never good, but if someone is zocheh to a long life, their death is not as tragic as that of
someone in the younger years. Lately, some of my own peers have left and gone
to olam haba. I am in my 70s, yet I want to be called young, despite the
body showing signs of wear and tear.
Kevarim of the Great
In addition to visiting the grave sites of relatives, we all
visit the kevarim of tzadikim
throughout Eretz Yisrael. We visit the many kevarim
in the Tzefas bais olam as well
as Kever Rochel and Me’aras Hamachpeila in Hebron. Many people travel to Europe
to visit the kevarim of great gedolim in Poland and Hungary. Here in
America, people visit the kevarim of
the Lubavitche Rebbe in New York and the kevarim
of Rabbi Rice and Horav Forschlager, Rabbi Ruderman, and many other very chashuveh talmidei chachamim and gedolim
who were Baltimore residents.
There is a website, Kevorim.com, which
lists the exact locations of these very special kevarim. On davening at such holy resting places, we ask these
Tzadikim to take our prayers and requests to the Ribono Shel Olam. One is
spiritually uplifted by being in the presence of these holy neshamos. Unfortunately, the millions
who perished in the Holocaust have no kevarim,
so their offspring connect to these neshamos
through Yizkor. The other way we
honor those who have passed is to give their names to our children. Carrying
the name of a relative gives them a role model to emulate in their lives. For kohanim, who cannot visit a cemetery, Yizkor and yahrzeit are especially
important to remember their loved ones.
“Speaking” to the
Dead
When visiting the bais olam, I take along the Sefer Hachaim, a German sefer with all the tefilos
regarding said during funerals and at cemeteries, including specific tefilos for all relatives. I say the specified tefilos for parents, grandparents, and
other family members. However, visiting the kevarim
of family, friends, or mentors allows me also to “talk” to the neshama (soul) of the deceased and
recreate my bonds to fond memories of the past. I had the zechus to have these special people as part of my life. Standing by
their matzeivos (gravestones) seems
to give me a direct line; I feel they are hearing my tefilos and my conversation. Somehow, I hear their replies – not
voices but thoughts – as I usually know what their responses would be just from
knowing them. When I leave the cemetery, I have a sense of peace and a feeling
of accomplishment. I leave with more confidence and more wisdom from this
special visit.
What is important is not to cry or
to be sad when you visit a bais olam but, rather, to place a stone on
the matzeiva to celebrate the life of
the person you loved and respected. Think of the mitzvos and good deeds they
did and the impact they had on your life. Think of how they improved the world
and left it a better place. Ask the deceased to be a meilitz yosher for your family
and for Klal Yisrael. Daven for
others, which provides an opening for your own tefilos to reach Hashem.
My Bracha to All
I wish all of us areichas
yamim in good health. Remember, your
grandchildren need you and love you. Live life to the fullest, and leave a
legacy of chesed behind. One’s neshama is never extinguished. It lives
on and is destined to be a celebration of your life. Lechayim!
