I have my
roots in Eretz Yisrael. My grandfather had come to Eretz Yisrael as a bachur
already in the 1930s, as he felt that it was getting dangerous to stay in
Europe. He eventually went to Haifa, with the encouragement of the Chazon Ish, zt”l,
settling in the then completely irreligious neighborhood of Neve Sha’anan. He
was one of the only chareidim who
were raising their family in the area. He dreamed of building a yeshiva
there that would be a positive influence on the whole area, and he and his sons
were eventually instrumental in the founding and upkeep of the prestigious
Yeshivas Nachlas HaLeviim in Neve Sha’anan. Despite financial difficulties and ruchniyus
challenges, my grandparents were moser nefesh (sacrificed) for yishuv
(the settling of) Eretz Yisrael
and for spreading the light of Torah.
I
was born in London, where my father had come as a bachur and married my
mother. When I was eight years old, we moved to Eretz Yisrael – my father’s
home country. Our family was here for about 10 years, and then left for the
U.S. As I was in yeshiva at the time, I stayed behind, considering
myself still a resident of Eretz Yisrael. Two years later, I married my wife,
who grew up in Bnei Brak. We subsequently moved to Monsey, where I was a magid
shiur and mashgiach in a yeshiva for Israeli baalei
teshuva.
I
was actually quite successful at my job, and happy to be disconnected from the
social pressure I felt when we were in Eretz Yisrael – maybe because as a
foreigner in the U.S., I didn’t feel a need to fit in; this might be true in
the converse for an American immigrating to Eretz Yisrael. I will even admit
that there were some ma’alos I attained during this period that I would
possibly not have achieved in Eretz Yisrael. At the time, I wasn’t aware of the
importance of yishuv Eretz Yisrael, for which my grandparents had been moser
nefesh. We viewed our grandfather as a Torah pioneer, with no difference to
us had his activities taken place in chutz la’aretz or in Eretz Yisrael.
He was actually involved with the opening of two Novardok yeshivos when
he was still a bochur back in Europe.
Three
years later, we decided we were done with our stint in Monsey, and we headed
back to Eretz Yisrael. Our move was purely technical and had nothing at all to
do with the ideal of yishuv Eretz Yisrael. When we came back to
Yerushalayim, I experienced a huge culture shock – I think even more than a
total foreigner would have. As someone whose formative years were spent in
Eretz Yisrael and who then experienced a disconnect from the so-called “harsh”
Israeli culture, it was all suddenly back “in my face.” I am embarrassed to say
that there were days when I would think to myself, “What am I doing here?”
After
a short while, I went to visit my father in Monsey. I chanced upon a nice house
available to rent, and we found ourselves pulled back to the quiet atmosphere
there. That’s how we ended up back in Monsey, and we could have stayed there
for many more years if not for the substantial change of mind that we went
through. I found myself constantly trying to justify my stay in chutz la’aretz
through all sorts of ideologies that I adopted (for this purpose).
One
day, a friend suggested that I learn with him a masechta from Seder Zera’im. We started learning – I
don’t recall which masechta it was, maybe Shevi’is or Pe’ah – and
after a short while, maybe a week or two, I started getting strong feelings for
Eretz Hakodesh. I have no way of explaining this as a natural phenomenon.
Everything was going for us in Monsey: We had a nice house (albeit rented), two
cars (albeit a bit old), the kids were learning in good mosdos, and we
were thriving with the quiet and serenity of Monsey. Hakadosh Baruch Hu just
put a powerful idea in my head, and I began feeling passionate about Eretz Yisrael
– the Land on which Hashem always has His Eyes focused.
I
found myself wondering, “What am I doing here? I have a house in Eretz Hakodesh,
I have the possibility of living there – it’s not just a random place where
people live because it’s comfortable to live there.” Similar thoughts continued
to flutter through my mind, until one day I told my wife, “We’ve had enough of
this romance with the serenity of chutz la’aretz!”
We
were headed back to Eretz Yisrael, but this time it wasn’t because it was
technically better or would work out better to live there. This time we were
going for the sake of its being Eretz Yisrael, even if it would be difficult.
Our Gedolim throughout the generations
strongly desired to come here; some of them had to overcome serious
difficulties and be moser nefesh, literally.
Like them, this time we would return with a desire to connect with Eretz Yisrael
itself.
We
moved again to Eretz Yisrael, and this time we were emotionally prepared to
deal with the difficulties. The knowledge that what we were doing was for the
sake of yishuv Eretz Yisrael gave us the strength to overcome the
challenges. Since then, our emotions towards Eretz Yisrael have grown stronger
– we feel strongly connected. It’s a whole other world, entirely different from
our earlier experiences of living in Eretz Yisrael.
A
Mitzvah with a Neshamah
Even
those of us who are zoche to live here in Eretz Yisrael should ask
ourselves: Are we here in Eretz Yisrael just to live here or to really settle
here? Even if we’re here to settle, is it just for technical reasons – even if
those technical reasons are ruchniyus-related, such as having a better
place to learn – or for the mitzvah of yishuv Eretz Yisrael? Even
if it’s for the mitzvah, is it just for the actual mitzvah, that,
as with any mitzvah, can also be performed without a neshamah (soul) – or is it with a desire to
connect to the inner dimension of Eretz Yisrael and its kedushah (holiness), and to appreciate each
and every moment that we are zoche to live here?
In
conclusion, I would say that each person who comes to or stays here in Eretz
Yisrael, in spite of any challenges and at any level of mesirus nefesh,
is taking an active part in rectifying the sin of the Meraglim (Spies). In our day and age – when the process of kibbutz
galuyos and the geulah is
continuing to unfold before our eyes – we may be able to add: Is it just a
private and personal thing to be here, or do we feel we are a part of Hashem’s pekidah
(consideration) of Eretz Yisrael and Am
Yisrael (the Jewish people), on the
way to His zechirah (remembrance) and ultimate geulah?
May
we merit to see the world through the lens of Torah and geulah (redemption), and may we be zoche (merit) to the geulah sheleimah!
This article is part of the Eretz
Chemdah series featuring Anglo-Chareidim living in, settling, and building up
Eretz Yisrael. A project of Avira D’Eretz Yisroel, coordinated by Yoel Berman – info@aviraderetzyisroel.org.
