Over the past number of decades, klal Yisrael as a whole has grown so much in terms of dikduk (meticulousness) in mitzvos. This is true of so many different halachos: standards of kashrus, shmiras Shabbos, Torah learning – the list goes on. In regard to shmiras halashon, there has also been tremendous headway in awareness of this serious issue. Many people therefore study sefer Chofetz Chaim or one of the many English sefarim about shmiras halashon on a regular basis. Yet many of us continue to struggle with the adherence, in practice, to the halachos of shmiras halashon.
Just recently, I presented some practical applications of hilchos lashon hara to a number of serious yeshiva students. They were a bit shocked and said that conversations that violate these guidelines take place among their peers on a regular basis and are almost impossible to avoid.
Why is it that the concept of lashon hara, despite achieving universal awareness, is still plaguing so many of us on a constant basis? Almost two centuries ago, Rav Yisrael Salanter gave us an insight into this in his famous Iggeres Hamussar. He noted that in his day people also struggled with adherence to mitzvos involving speech, such as lashon hara, and expressed shock at the fact that people would blatantly violate these Torah prohibitions.
Reb Yisrael then revealed a penetrating insight into human nature. He explained that the most powerful tool to prevent aveiros is a societal standard. If someone would eat a cheeseburger, even just on occasion, he would be ostracized from the frum community. He would not be allowed to hold a leadership position, many people would feel uncomfortable if he were part of their shul, and he would have difficulty finding shidduchim for his children. When such a stigma exists in a community, no one who wants to be part of the community would even consider doing such a shunned activity. However, writes Reb Yisrael, there is no such stigma about lashon hara. We all know that it’s wrong, but it is still socially acceptable. We don’t feel guilty when we speak it, since we know that others do as well, and we certainly have no fear of losing our status in the community as a result of such speech.
But the question remains – why, after so much awareness about hilchos lashon hara, has a societal standard not been created? Why is it that even in very religious circles where societal standards have been created in so many other areas, such as levels of tznius or learning in kollel, no such standard exists regarding forbidden speech?
There are many answers to this question, and I don’t think that I can isolate the true answer. However, I would like to present one factor, among many others: Many readers of this article are aware of my newly released sefer What Can I Say… Today? on the halachos of lashon hara. Over the past number of years, whenever I mentioned to my colleagues what I was writing, they would invariably ask, “Didn’t the Chofetz Chaim already write a sefer on this topic?” I responded by asking the questioner if he himself had ever learned sefer Chofetz Chaim. If he responded in the affirmative, I asked, “Do you feel that after learning it you can apply the halachos of shemiras halashon to your daily life?” Without exception, the answer was that the individual has gained an appreciation for and an awareness of the severity of lashon hara but did not have the capacity to make practical applications. Then I would say, “Now you know why I am writing this sefer.”
I feel that this is part of our problem. People have many questions and doubts regarding these halachos. Is it lashon hara if I am denigrating someone who did an aveira (sin) and deserves to be demeaned? If the subject of the lashon hara is irreligious, is the prohibition of lashon hara applicable? After it was already printed in the papers, there isn’t any prohibition to relate the information – or is there? When asked about my friend’s personality for the purpose of shidduchim, may I reveal that he has a temper? Many of these issues are not dealt with explicitly in sefer Chofetz Chaim. One has to read between the lines, find the relevant footnotes, or search through the scattered writings of contemporary poskim to find the appropriate answers.
With the encouragement of Rav Yaakov Hopfer, shlit”a, I have spent many years researching hilchos lashon hara, with the goal of making practical applications to our daily life. After finally completing the sefer, Rav Yosef Berger, shlit”a, gave me hours of his precious time to review the sefer and guided me regarding the presentation of many of the halachos. I also had the unique opportunity of presenting many practical questions to Rav Yitzchak Berkovits, shlit”a, one of the leading poskim on this topic in Yerushalayim, all of which have been included in the sefer.
It is my tefila (prayer) that, through this sefer, along with the many other wonderful sefarim being published on the topic, we will be able to grow in our adherence to these very crucial halachos.
It is anticipated that by the time of this article’s publication, What Can I Say… Today? will be available in local sefarim stores. It can also be ordered online from Feldheim or directly from the author by sending an e-mail to dovidjaffee@gmail.com.
