In our frum world, people are often judged by what is on their heads. But my dad taught me that what’s really important is not what’s on your head but what’s in your head. That wise saying has guided my hashkafa (religious outlook) in life.
I grew up in Shearith Israel,
where a boy got his rite of passage upon his bar mitzva: a black hat. You could
not get an aliya unless you wore a
hat. A tallis over one’s head was
frowned upon by this Yekkishe congregation. So my parents took me downtown to
Joyce Hat Company, where I purchased my first black hat; it had a short brim
and a red feather on the side, and I wore it primarily on Shabbos.
After graduating TA, I was off to
Ner Israel. I still was not a black-hat individual, which was unusual for a Ner
boy, but I somehow got away with it…and more. I did upgrade to a Borsalino and
a yeshivishe brim while attending Ner Israel Yeshiva for over three years, but I
was never what you would call “yeshivish,” and my hat-wearing days were still
limited to Shabbos. Other than that, I followed all the rules, and yeshiva
definitely was a wonderful experience and an important chinuch and learning period in my life.
After Ner Israel, I learned in
Shalavim, in Eretz Yisrael, where I wore a kippah
sruga (knit yarmulke). For my
sister’s wedding, we wore English bowler derby hats, which were stylish, albeit a bit unusual. For my own wedding, I
was hatless. Eventually I went to a suede yarmulke, which I still wear today, 50
years later.
Since the 1960s, the Orthodox
community of Baltimore has definitely made a “right” turn. Led by Ner Israel alumni,
and under the influence of the Yeshiva and the Agudah, Baltimore was
transformed from being a Mizrachi, religious Zionist community into a yeshivishe
town. The Glen Avenue Shearith Israel shul went from being a German kehilla to being a yeshivishe kehilla. And similar to the Yekkes, the
Sefardim and Persians in town have their own minhagim and rich cultural heritage, yet many of them were educated
at Ner Israel and adopted the yeshivishe derech
and the black hat as well. Today, although large shuls of diversity still exist
– such as Shomrei, Suburban, and Shaarei Zion – most shuls have trended to the
right as have many of our day schools.
Define Yeshivish,
Please
So what makes a person yeshivish? Is it his hat and his
dress, or is it his learning, middos,
and mitzvos? I own three Borsalino long-brim black hats, relics of my past, but
they sit in a closet and are rarely worn. Does the number of hats you own make
you yeshivish, or is it all about wearing them? Or is yeshivish a way of life
and a lot more than just the hat?
To me, what is important is
following daas Torah and having sedarim
of Torah learning. I believe the Ribono
Shel Olam (G-d) recognizes all who keep the Torah leshma (sincerely). The religious Zionist, the OU, Young Israel, the kollel yungerman, the Modern Orthodox, the chasidim,
the misnagdim – it really does not
matter, providing they are ehrlich
and honest in life and in their avodas
Hashem. Each of these paths of Yiddishkeit has its own daas Torah and leaders;
what is important is one’s consistency in observance.
Some excel in learning and davening,
some in chesed and middos. What makes us a holy nation is
bringing everyone together under a life of Torah and avoda. None of us is perfect on our own, but with achdus (unity), we can all reach
perfection. What’s beautiful is a beis
medrash or a shul that promotes diversity. My shul, Shomrei Emunah, is such
a place.
There are many yeshivos, with many
different hashkafot. What they have
in common is Torah learning. Is the YU beis
medrash any different than a Telshe beis
medrash? Is Keren b’Yavneh different from the Mir? Shalavim from Ponevezh? They
are all learning the same Torah. They are all performing the same mitzvos. Each
serves Hashem and klal Yisrael in
different ways.
Many of my best friends are black
hatters. They daven and bentch in a
hat as a sign of kavod (respect). When
I see a yeshiva bachur in the black
hat, white shirt, and dark pants that are his uniform, I consider it a kiddush Hashem. And when I scan the
beautiful sea of black hats at shul or the Kotel, I am awed and proud.
I believe that what I wore on my
head never affected my hashkafa or frumkeit. While I may not be what some
call yeshivish, I have the luxury of being “grandfathered in” here in Baltimore
– first, because I have learned through experience to always lean to the right
and follow daas Torah – also because
of my age and because of my strong Yekkishe minhagim,
which tend to insulate me from being judged by others. But just as I am
afforded respect in our community – and just as I admire and respect black
hatters – I expect the same respect for all our non-black hatters. Everyone is
entitled to be judged lechaf zechus (favorably)!
Bringing It Home
I have eight grandchildren, b”H, six boys and two girls. Three of my grandsons wear a black hat,
and three wear yarmulkes. I am proud of them all, and I daven every day that
they should follow in the steps of their Avos
and be committed to the heritage and the Torah ways they have been taught. Each
has his or her own personality, and they should all serve Hashem besimcha. What they wear on their heads
is not important to me; their actions and their middos are.
When they were growing up, our
children attended a variety of yeshivos, seminaries, and camps. Parents must
realize that they are not raising clones but, rather, individuals. Parents must
direct their children to an environment in which they can succeed in a Torah
observant life. With positive reinforcement and concentrating on each child’s
strengths, the child will attain his or her own level of excellence in
Yiddishkeit and in life. The parents’ job is to be an example of goodness and a
positive role model in their actions and provide their children with a loving
home of shalom bayis, Torah, and chesed.
Sometimes, flexibility is called
for. Just as a GPS must occasionally “recalculate,” we may need to change
course if traffic is heavy. In life, traffic jams are the challenges we all
incur. When taking a different route, daas
Torah, proper Torah direction, is
often be necessary to reach our final destination. Which car you drive is not
important as long as you have a working motor, good tires, and fuel to make the
journey. Our motor and fuel are Torah, and our tires are the solid foundation
and heritage our Avos transmitted to
us.
With hat or without hat is not
important. (I was lucky that my wife was not looking for a full-time black
hatter!) Nowhere do we find black or other colored hats as necessary to reach a
life of emes (truth). For those who
wear a hat to daven or to bentch as a
respectful gesture, kol hakavod. If yeshiva
requires a hat for davening, the students absolutely should conform. But it is
a mistake for parents outside of yeshiva to demand that their sons wear a black
hat if it does not fit the character of the boy. Suggesting and encouraging is
fine, but the child needs to want to wear the hat and feel good about it.
Seventy Paths
There are many paths to olam haba. The tefilah of an Israeli soldier in a kippa seruga is just as
holy as that of a yeshiva bachur. Kol hakavod to the hesder yeshivos, which send their boys to Tzahal, the IDF, to
protect Eretz Yisrael. It was the same back in biblical times, when the tribes
went to war but the Levi’im did not. Was one frummer than the other? Of course not. Each group had its avoda, and all were respected for their
roles in am Yisrael.
I do not think that a kibbutznik coming from the field in
shorts to daven Mincha is being disrespectful. Of course, if he is able to
change, great, but this is his work outfit and he may need to go back to the
field immediately. I believe that Hashem accepts all tefillos and is not influenced by what we wear, providing it is in
good taste and halachically proper.
So, I always return to my father’s
wise saying, and I repeat it often to my children and grandchildren: What is on your head is not crucial; what is in your head and your heart will
determine your success in Yiddishkeit and in life.
I can’t be sure, but I feel,
somehow, that in Shamayim (Heaven), shtreimels, black hats, and kippa serugas are all sitting together in peace, harmony, and respect. We
need to bring that down here! Labels and clothing should not divide us; rather,
we all need to work together as a klal (community).
Shalom and respect will bring a Geulah.
We need not be judgmental but accepting of others. Let’s concentrate on bein adam lechaveiro and middos and leave the bein adam laMakom to Hashem’s judgment.
Eli W. Schlossberg is
a longtime writer for the Where What When and the author of My Shtetl Baltimore.
