Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

My husband says Shabbos is a time to relax, and one of the ways he likes to relax is through drinking. He never drinks during the week, but on Friday night, the wine is plentiful, with a few bottles on table. Of course, he takes a shot of whiskey between the fish and the soup. On Shabbos morning, there is kiddush in shul, even though the shul is supposedly trying to become liquor free. On the way home, my husband might stop at a few friends’ homes, accepting a shot at each.

I hate drinking. Mostly, I’m concerned about our children. My husband can handle his drink. He is not abusive or even truly drunk. But how do I know whether my children will tolerate alcohol? I have a cousin who is an alcoholic; maybe there is such a tendency on my side of the family. The boys are teenagers, and they are already starting. They get a drink at their rebbes’ homes on Friday night, and of course there is lots of liquor at our house.

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

My husband and I are very devoted parents. Our children have always been the center of our life. Even now that our daughter is married, whenever she doesn’t feel well or needs help with the kids or someone to babysit, I am there at the drop of a hat. We give them things, too.

Don’t get me wrong: We are very happy to help and to give; we don’t want or need to be paid back. I am beginning to realize, however, that my daughter is very self absorbed. She never comes over just to visit, just because she wants the children to be with us. She only calls if she needs something.

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

I have a teenage son who doesn’t like to talk to me. He lives in another city right now. Although, I have worked hard his whole life to have a relationship with him, I haven’t been too successful. He is by nature not much of a talker, but he does talk to others more than to me. I don’t think I am very critical or unpleasant to him, but he knows me well and probably knows most of what I am going to say. He is going through a turbulent time in his life, and I worry about him a lot. I know he thinks I worry too much. The question is should I continue to call him even though I know he doesn’t want to speak to me? Should I just wait for him to call me? I want him to know that I care about him, but am I doing more harm than good by contacting him when he is not very receptive to a relationship with me?

Sincerely,

A Mother Who Wants to Do the Right Thing If Only She Knew What It Was

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

I have been married to a wonderful man, who has been my friend and partner for many years. I know my good fortune, and perhaps that is why I feel very petty and a “kafooy tov” when I think of my “problem.” In all our years of marriage, it does not take the fingers of one hand to count the gifts that I have received from my husband. I suppose I should have guessed when I did not receive the customary gift of jewelry from my chassan at our wedding. I put that down to the fact that he had little of his own money. But in the years that followed, whether it was birthdays, anniversaries, the births of our children, and other events where such gifts are expected, I sometimes received only a humorous card, sometimes not even that, because he had forgotten.

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

My parents got divorced when I was very young, and I have no relationship with my father. I’m 15 now. It was just me and my mother all these years, and sometimes my uncle came around. We often went to friends for Shabbos and Yom Tov, and I was happy with my life.

My mother remarried a year ago. Her husband is a widower with a lot of kids. I was taken aback when she got married. I thought she was happy the way we were, but I guess I was wrong. I can see that she loves this man and is trying to be a good mother to his children. His first wife’s parents come over, too. Everyone gets along great. They are a very touchy-feely type of family and like to hug everybody. And they want me to be part of it all.

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

I have been married 15 years, and it hasn’t been easy. My husband is a hard worker and a good provider. He is well-meaning, too, but he doesn’t communicate well, and has a tendency to blurt things out without thinking. He has really hurt me and the children many times. He doesn’t seem to be able to control himself or understand the ramifications of his speech.

By doing a lot of reading, I realize that my husband has adult ADHD. I know he won’t go to counseling. I don’t even think there is a therapy that could fix him. I have come to terms with the fact that my husband has this condition; this is who he is. I would just like advice on how to live with it. How can we keep from being hurt by his outbursts? How can I make a home without constant fighting? How do I make my life and the life of our children a happy one?