~~Dear Mr. Weisbord,
I am married to someone who is described by everyone who meets him as a “great” guy. He is funny, handsome, a good provider, and nice – to other people, not to me. He wants to control me. He decides how the house is set up, how much exercise we get, when and where we go for vacation, how much money I can spend, what diet we are going on next, and what I should wear. He wants a certain “look,” so he even tells me which sheitelmacher to use. He makes all the rules, and if I express an opinion, he just ignores or overrides it. It’s “my way or the highway.”
I grew up in a stable family where things weren’t always perfect, but if I complained about a sibling or things being unfair, I was told to “make it work.” That was the family mantra. All my many siblings seem to have good marriages. Only I am very unhappy.
 

September 2005

Dear Mr. Weisbord,

I am a 25-year-old working boy who is kovea itim. Lately, I went out with a few girls I liked. It seems like what usually happens is that everything goes very well on the first two dates, and I get word that the girl likes me, too. Then it all collapses on the third date. We have nothing to talk about, and the date is a dud. Then she doesn’t want to go out again. Is this a common thing? What does it mean?

My interpretation is that we finished with all the small talk the first two times, but we are not yet ready to open up to the other person on a deeper level. I feel like all these relationships had potential if only the girl would not have ended it so soon. What do you say?

Dear Rebbetzin Weinberg,

I have a wonderful daughter-in-law. Everybody says so, and actually, I also think she is wonderful. She is very warm and friendly and always willing to help anyone. She invites people for meals, cooks for the sick, and welcomes guests to sleep at her home. In fact, she extends herself to everyone – everyone, that is, who is not in her family.

I don’t want to sound like the mother-in-law who is complaining about a daughter-in-law. I have always treated all my daughters and daughters-in-law the same in every way. If my daughter were treating her husband this way, I would say something to her. But I don’t know how to go about it with a daughter-in-law.

“Is my marriage beyond repair? Is this feeling normal?”

Couples are often confused when their relationship takes a turn for the worse. What many don’t realize is that the ups and downs they are experiencing are normal and even serve a higher purpose. Understanding the three stages of marriage helps couples normalize their situation and provides hope that their marriage can thrive once again. Let’s explore the three stages and see which one you are in:

Dear Dr. Weisbord,

I always thought that when the children got married and left home, my husband and I would have more time together. Well, that is our situation now, but we are both still very busy – with work, grandchildren, and life in general – so we decided we would go out together once a month, just the two of us.

On our first date night, we went to a quiet restaurant. Everything was going well, and then I noticed that my husband was checking his phone. I was shocked. I didn’t react the first time, but when it happened again, I said, “Is the phone more interesting than I am?” He explained that no, of course I am more interesting than the people who are emailing him, but he feels that if someone is trying to reach him, he has to be there for them.

Happiness in a relationship is much more than luck; it takes a daily conscious effort to put into practice healthy relational habits. Let’s learn about some of the things that happy couples avoid and see how you can bring more joy into your own relationship.*  *  *

1) They don’t complain about their spouse to their friends or family: Happy couples know that it’s best not to involve others in their relationship. They talk directly to their spouse if they have an issue instead of consulting others, who often provide negative feedback that could hurt the relationship. There is nothing wrong with healthy “girl” or “guy” time, but don’t use it as an opportunity to complain about your spouse.