Page 68 - issue
P. 68
thoughts before they started dating. I tunity due to poor decision making. plished despite me, not thanks to me.
Bashert and hashgacha (divine provi- When it comes to shidduchim, as the
am also quite certain that if we took a dence), are G-d’s business and His saying goes, “the ends do not justify the
alone; it is our business to do what is means.”
survey of many happily married couples right and exercise proper and thought-
ful hishtadlus (efforts) along the way. A Lesson from Megilas Esther
and asked them if, looking at them- In Megilas Esther, we find that when
To give a rather extreme example, Mordechai Hatzadik instructs Esther
selves as individuals, they “saw” a shid- what if 10 young women were to ask Hamalka to appear before
duch between them, the first thought of me about 10 different shidduch Achashveirosh and plead with him to
many might be “No, I don’t see it.” And prospects, and I responded to all of spare the Jewish people, Esther
them, “Don’t do it; that guy is a horrible expresses trepidation in response; she
yet, they maintain beautiful marriages. person” – or, for that matter, if I knew fears that Achashveirosh may take her
of a serious issue about each young life for appearing before him without
Not long ago, a shadchan who had man but withheld the information. And being summoned. Mordechai then
successfully completed a shidduch then, within a year or two, all of those replies to Esther, “Do not think that as
shared with me the following story: The 10 young men and 10 young women a denizen of the palace you will be
were redt different shidduchim and spared from the [fate of the] Jews. If you
young man whom she had just set up were all now happily married to those are quiet at this time, a savior and sal-
other singles. Could I justifiably claim vation will come from another source
related that he had actually asked a dif- that, in retrospect, it was bashert for and you and your father’s house will be
me to have stood in the way of the pre- lost. And who knows, perhaps this is
ferent shadchan to redt the same shid- vious shidduchim which were redt to the reason why you have been placed
duch for him some time before, and the them, and that, as such, my actions in the position of queen.”
first shadchan’s response was, “I don’t were an appropriate vehicle for
see it.” The young man thus left the Hashem’s hashgacha? In a recent chabura I attended,
Rabbi Shraga Neuberger pointed out
shidduch alone until the second shad- Absolutely not. I would have acted how unusual the end of Mordechai’s
chan independently redt him to that disgracefully, and any modicum of narrative is. If anyone else were in that
same young woman, and, after some bashert would have been accom-
persuasion, he agreed to give it a try.
A common response to such scenar-
ios is that, “obviously,” the shidduch
wasn’t meant to be at the earlier time,
and it was bashert (destined to be) that
the shidduch did not happen until
later. Such replies are nothing more
than an easy out for missing an oppor-
60 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
Bashert and hashgacha (divine provi- When it comes to shidduchim, as the
am also quite certain that if we took a dence), are G-d’s business and His saying goes, “the ends do not justify the
alone; it is our business to do what is means.”
survey of many happily married couples right and exercise proper and thought-
ful hishtadlus (efforts) along the way. A Lesson from Megilas Esther
and asked them if, looking at them- In Megilas Esther, we find that when
To give a rather extreme example, Mordechai Hatzadik instructs Esther
selves as individuals, they “saw” a shid- what if 10 young women were to ask Hamalka to appear before
duch between them, the first thought of me about 10 different shidduch Achashveirosh and plead with him to
many might be “No, I don’t see it.” And prospects, and I responded to all of spare the Jewish people, Esther
them, “Don’t do it; that guy is a horrible expresses trepidation in response; she
yet, they maintain beautiful marriages. person” – or, for that matter, if I knew fears that Achashveirosh may take her
of a serious issue about each young life for appearing before him without
Not long ago, a shadchan who had man but withheld the information. And being summoned. Mordechai then
successfully completed a shidduch then, within a year or two, all of those replies to Esther, “Do not think that as
shared with me the following story: The 10 young men and 10 young women a denizen of the palace you will be
were redt different shidduchim and spared from the [fate of the] Jews. If you
young man whom she had just set up were all now happily married to those are quiet at this time, a savior and sal-
other singles. Could I justifiably claim vation will come from another source
related that he had actually asked a dif- that, in retrospect, it was bashert for and you and your father’s house will be
me to have stood in the way of the pre- lost. And who knows, perhaps this is
ferent shadchan to redt the same shid- vious shidduchim which were redt to the reason why you have been placed
duch for him some time before, and the them, and that, as such, my actions in the position of queen.”
first shadchan’s response was, “I don’t were an appropriate vehicle for
see it.” The young man thus left the Hashem’s hashgacha? In a recent chabura I attended,
Rabbi Shraga Neuberger pointed out
shidduch alone until the second shad- Absolutely not. I would have acted how unusual the end of Mordechai’s
chan independently redt him to that disgracefully, and any modicum of narrative is. If anyone else were in that
same young woman, and, after some bashert would have been accom-
persuasion, he agreed to give it a try.
A common response to such scenar-
ios is that, “obviously,” the shidduch
wasn’t meant to be at the earlier time,
and it was bashert (destined to be) that
the shidduch did not happen until
later. Such replies are nothing more
than an easy out for missing an oppor-
60 u www.wherewhatwhen.com u
