Chana’s formative years were spent in a home where her
parents studied Tanach and
always spoke of Hashem. During her high school years, Chana, her sister,
and her parents took on weekly Torah learning as a family, and began
observing a semblance of Shabbos and Jewish holidays. During this
time, Chana and her twin sister began to develop a strong love for and
connection to Judaism. Once they graduated high school, they both decided to
pursue an Orthodox geirus
(conversion). With much hashgacha pratis (divine providence), they were accepted at Neve
Yerushalayim, where they spent a year vigorously learning and fully
experiencing Jewish life in the Orthodox community of
If I could pick a Jewish concept that I feel most
strongly about, it would most likely be that Judaism is a relationship. Judaism
is about building a personal relationship with Hashem and cultivating our love
for Him and our love for the gift of Torah and mitzvos. It wasn’t until I was sitting in class one day that I
realized that this is perspective might be lacking, at times, when Judaism is
being communicated and taught.
One of the teachers stated that
this is indeed an issue in our communities. There are those who grow up
religious and graduate from Jewish schools without knowing that Hashem loves
them. One second. Knowing and not feeling I understand, but not knowing?
I was shocked. I couldn’t believe the discussion that followed. Girls were
describing Hashem and how they felt about their relationship with Him in a way
that was so different from the loving perspective I assumed would have been
promoted throughout their education. Some actually admitted that they never
heard in school that Hashem loves them.
I told my teacher how shocked I
was. Since she was familiar with my background, she proposed that my sister and
I tell our story to the class in an effort to inspire them to see both Judaism
and having a relationship with Hashem from a perspective of love. When we did speak,
my sister and I emphasized the hashgacha
pratis, along with the love and joy we feel in being Jewish.
It didn’t stop there. I have heard
this come up time and time again, and I just can’t shake the feeling that I
have to do something about it. I’m determined to raise my kids with the
knowledge that Hashem is good, that Hashem loves them, and that being a Jew is
a gift. This is the Judaism that I know and love. So, let me begin by saying
that Hashem does loves us, and He genuinely wants to have a relationship with
every single person!
Hashem Is Involved
Throughout my childhood and teenage years, I remember
my parents always reiterating that Hashem is in control and does what is best.
They emphasized that He loves us; they taught us to make speaking to Him a
priority. Whenever a test or challenge would come up, my parents would go
straight to prayer, encouraging me and my sister to do the same. With that
example, I’ve always known that Hashem is present, loving, and involved
– and
not only that but He supports me, believes in me, and wants to hear from me! I’ve
been able to go through life with the understanding that Hashem is there,
listening to my thoughts and praise, present through my tears and pain, and
holding my hand as I walk down this path we call life. There is no greater
comfort than knowing that Hashem hears us and is personally involved in our
lives. It is truly an amazing concept, but Hashem really does treat each person
as if he/she were an only child to Him. Just as a father loves his only child
and wants to give him all He can, so too, Hashem wants the best for us.
What Yiras
Hashem Really Is
I think that many of us have the definition of yiras Hashem (fear of G-d) wrong. I can’t
help but cringe whenever I hear people talk about Hashem in a fearful and scary
way. That’s not the Jewish perception, and it’s not conducive to a healthy
relationship!
Of course, we should be afraid of
doing the wrong thing – but we shouldn’t fear a vengeful G-d.
As I once heard from Rabbi David Aaron, “If you believe that G-d is out to get
you, you’ve got the wrong G-d and the wrong you.”
Yiras
Hashem refers to the awe of Hashem, not to the paralyzing
fear that many of us associate it with. Rabbi Moshe Gersht shared that yiras Hashem is the recognition that
Hashem is one, good, and all-powerful. When you recognize Who Hashem is and
that He has a personal relationship with you, why would you want to misconstrue
that gift?
We are taught that the lower level
of yiras Hashem is doing mitzvos because of reward and punishment.
Yet, that’s not where we should remain. Our goal should be to try to get closer
to the higher level and know that it’s okay if we’re not there yet. It’s a
constant mission, but please,
wherever you find yourself, do not view Hashem as being out to get you. Hashem
doesn’t expect perfection from us. He always believes in us and in what we can
accomplish!
Hashem’s Love for Us
Hashem really does love you! It’s much easier to
“know” that thought than it is to internalize it. Yet regardless of how much or
how little you feel that Hashem loves you, His love is ever-present. I feel that
it can sometimes be hard to acknowledge that love and certainly to accept it. I
once heard from a rabbi about a time that he went to visit his parents. When he
walked into the house, he was shocked to see that his parents had placed
pictures all over the room, and each one was of him! He suddenly realized how
important he was to them and how much they cared about him and were invested in
his life.
This story serves as an illustration
for Hashem’s love for us. In fact, Hashem let me experience this firsthand.
Shortly after hearing this from the rabbi, I went to visit my dad at work to
see how he had redecorated his office. As soon as I walked in, I noticed my
face. There was a picture of me and my sister on his desk. And on another
table. And two on the bookshelf. There were pictures everywhere! I thought
about what I had recently learned and smiled. At that moment, I felt exactly
what the rabbi meant. Hashem loves us infinitely more than any human can. We
are always “on His mind,” as if He had our picture in front of Him constantly.
When you contemplate that and try to embrace it, you will understand how
incredible it is and how much you matter.
Speaking to Hashem
Personally, I stress the importance of talking to
Hashem in your own words. It’s so crucial for deepening your relationship and
building a personal connection. I consider this to be a form of hisbodedus (meditation), and it’s a
foundation for a strong and healthy relationship! Additionally, the Shemoneh Esrei, which is an essential
part of our tefilah, is also an
opportunity to develop closeness to Him. There’s so much wisdom, holiness, and
beauty in those prayers. They direct us to what we need to daven for. I once
heard something beautiful from Rabbi David Fohrman about the Shemoneh Esrei. It is powerful and holy,
yet it was given to us as a skeleton of tefilah.
When you just do the lip service and leave out the heart and soul, you only
have a skeleton of your prayer’s potential. You have to put in the thought and
intention – that’s what a real Shemoneh Esrei is! However, without adding your own dialogue and
communication with Hashem, it could be difficult to use as a vehicle for
developing a personal relationship. You are reading something that you didn’t
make up, and you’re reading it over and over. Hashem wants your heart. What are the words without your heart? Judaism is a relationship. A
relationship requires “heart.”
All for the Best
Hashem always wants the absolute best for us. We must
believe that everything from Hashem is good. I know from reflecting on certain
things that I thought were “bad” in the moment became a springboard for
something good. It was actually a blessing in disguise. And yes, sometimes
things happen that we don’t understand. Yet, we know that Hashem loves us. With
the faithful trust that Hashem has our best interests in mind, we can believe
that His plan for us is good.
As humans, we go through times of
closeness to Hashem and times of disconnection. We have days when Hashem’s
presence is so obvious and days when we feel like we’re alone. In the moments
when I feel that I’m disconnected, I try to put my energy towards gratitude.
Every single one of us has experiences in our lives that open our hearts and
that, upon reflection, help us to see Hashem’s involvement and feel His love
for us. Think about the gifts in your life and all of the beautiful brachos that Hashem has given you. When
you open your heart, you are open to a relationship.
Sometimes our lives seem dark and challenging,
and we cannot see Hashem. It is through our trials that we can see that the
darkest nights produce the brightest days. It’s something that Dovid Hamelech
alludes to in Tehilim. The theme of
“darkest before dawn” is so inspiring to me because it presents an opportunity
to focus on emunah (faith) in Hashem
and gives purpose to the struggles we all face. I can testify that the most
challenging difficulties and the most heartfelt tears have led to the deepest
laughs, brightest and widest smiles, and the purest joy. There’s no greater
feeling than looking back and seeing that Hashem was with you even in the
hardest times – and He always has a beautiful way to turn
your pain and suffering into the most treasured brachos.
