Dear Dr. Kidorf,
I have been reading
your articles in the WWW with great
interest. I am a bachur who is
of legal drinking age. I went to a shul for Simchas Torah, where the rule was
that everyone had to bring their own bottle of alcohol. Not only did people
bring their own bottles, but they brought fancy stuff that cost, at a minimum,
50 dollars a bottle (and that’s the low end). In your previous articles, you
mentioned the drop in IQ points for drinking under 25, and I don’t want to
damage my brain. (I am rather proud of my IQ.) However, what am I supposed to
do when I want to get together with my friends for all these
occasions, such as weddings, and, actually, almost every
Shabbos? I want to fit in and am not willing to be the odd
guy out. I am having trouble bridging the points you have made in the
past with “real life.” Any advice or insight would be appreciated.
Response:
Thank
you for your question, which is really remarkable. You are worried that you
will not fit in with other young religious Jews in Baltimore if you refrain
from drinking. You want to have friends and also protect your brain. That
should not be too much to ask. But it seems that, in today’s environment awash
with alcohol, it is. What is happening in our beloved community?!
Before
responding to your question, I would like to clarify the relationship between
alcohol use and IQ, or intelligence quotient, that you mention. IQ is a precise
measurement of cognitive ability based on standardized testing that is
administered by a professional. It usually remains fairly stable over time. We
actually know very little about the impact of adolescent alcohol use on IQ.
Because these tests take a long time to administer (and require trained specialists),
they are not the usual measures used to assess the impact of alcohol on
cognitive functioning. Our research relies on briefer neuropsychological tests
that are easier to administer and better target specific areas of the brain
that might be affected by drinking. Brain scanning supplements these tests.
While
the impact of drinking on IQ may not be known, you are right to worry about the
effects of drinking on cognitive functioning, especially for adolescents and
young adults. Because the adolescent brain is still maturing, important neural
connections are interrupted and modified through alcohol use, with the impact
felt in many different areas of learning and memory. We know this from a
considerable amount of excellent research conducted through the National
Institutes of Health, which you can access through their website. It is highly
likely that this type of impairment would impact IQ, especially if brain
changes observed in adolescence fail to bounce back in adulthood. However, the
research on alcohol use and IQ is not there yet.
Getting
back to your dilemma, you find it difficult to hang out with others who are
drinking while you are sober. You want to fit in and not feel left out. If we
removed the words Simchat Torah and Shabbat from your question, it would seem
that you are echoing the concerns of thousands of young people across the U.S.
who also face peer pressure to drink or use other drugs. It is important to
acknowledge that some of the pressures that we face in our community are universal,
though there may be Jewish ways to deal with them. Let us consider some of your
options.
1)
The first option is to take a drink.
You are of legal drinking age and have the right to drink responsibly. There is
no evidence to suggest that young adults at or above the age of 21 who have one
to two drinks per week will experience any negative impacts on cognitive
functioning. We worry primarily about the effects of binge drinking, defined as
three to four drinks per occasion, and heavy drinking, which amounts to roughly
four to five episodes of binge drinking each month. It does not appear that you
favor this much drinking. Because your alcohol consumption occurs on Shabbat,
there is no chance that you will be driving while intoxicated. Learning to
drink in a responsible manner as a young adult is an important skill.
Now,
before you reach for a shot of scotch, let me put in a few caveats. The first
is that it is important to know your vulnerabilities. Abstaining from drinking
would be advocated if you have a family history of alcohol problems or if you
have an untreated mental health concern, such as depression or anxiety. You
might also consider the impact of drinking on your personal Shabbat or Yom Tov
experience. If it will cause you to sleep through the seuda or in other ways have a negative impact on your family, it
seems like it would be better to abstain. Of course, you would want to refrain
from presenting as intoxicated in front of younger siblings who will have their
own peer pressure battles to fight in the future.
2)
The second option is don’t take a drink.
While drinking a little bit on Shabbat is no big deal for a young adult of
drinking age, drinking due to peer pressure feels kind of weak. There is
absolutely no rule that you have to drink on Shabbat or Yom Tov or that
drinking will make you more hip. The fact is that alcohol is not only consumed
by cool kids; nerds also drink.
Choosing
not to drink and retaining personal control while others are intoxicated
creates the good feeling from not following the masses. I understand that you
feel like the odd man out. But this is an untested hypothesis. There are
probably many other young adults at a kiddush and other simchas who choose to
refrain from drinking. The problem is that those who choose to drink are often
the most vocal about it. It is also the case that people who choose to not
conform to the crowd are often more highly respected and viewed as having a
strong character.
3)
Third, change your shul or friends.
The good news is that Baltimore has many shuls and young adults, b”H. Go find another shul that does not
invite people to bring in expensive and highly prized alcohol. There must be at
least one (just kidding!). The truth is that most people cannot distinguish the
taste of single versus double malt whiskey, no matter what they tell you. And
those who truly appreciate the difference are probably drinking too much.
4)
Fourth, stay away from your shul or
friends. If you want to keep your shul and your friends, which seems
perfectly reasonable, you might decide to simply stay away from drinking
situations to remove the temptation. Excuse yourself during kiddush and see
them again for Mincha. Spend the extra time learning, talking about sports,
hanging out with your family, or simply feeling good about yourself that you
are strong enough to behave according to your own values.
5.
Finally, speak to your rabbi. It
might help to get some chizuk from
your spiritual leader. If you do not have a drinking problem, a rabbi can help
you determine when it is appropriate to drink and how much you should drink.
Most rabbis I know would appreciate this type of discussion.
I can share with you that, many
years ago, I met with my rabbi after having to endure a difficult circumstance.
After our discussion, he reached back into one of his cabinets and took out a
bottle of schnapps and two shot glasses, and we made a lechayim! It was fully appropriate and meaningful.
Michael Kidorf, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist,
Associate Professor of Psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University School of
Medicine, and Director of Education at Chayeinu. The Where What When welcomes
readers’ questions to this column.
