Many years ago, I read an article in Jewish Action by Rabbi Abraham Twerski, MD, entitled “Time for a Rosh Hashanah Overhaul.” His message has stayed with me over the years, but I am only trying to implement it now.
Rabbi Twerski, who
has done extensive work in the field of alcoholism, was at a meeting where a
man who was sober for 30 years said, “The man I once was drank. And the man who
I once was will drink again. I can stay sober only by not going back to being
the person I was before I began drinking.”
Rabbi Twerski
relates this to the Rambam’s statement on teshuva,
repentance: “Proper teshuva is
achieved when the One who knows man’s hidden thoughts will testify that this
person will not sin again.” Commentaries ask how this can be, given free will. How
can Hashem testify that this person will never sin again? Rabbi Twerski says
that every person has things which are essentially alien to him. For example,
he would never eat a cheeseburger or other treife
food and does not have to struggle with this, given his commitment to keeping
kosher. (This differs from lashon hara,
for example, where he might say or hear something which is a violation of the
law.) “True teshuva is achieved when
a person has elevated himself to a level of spirituality where repetition of
the sin is no longer feasible, and only the ‘One Who knows man’s hidden thoughts’
can testify that this spiritual level has been reached. This is not an
abrogation of free will, since Hashem does not testify that the person will
never commit this sin again but, rather, that in his new level of
spirituality, he will not do so. If he slips from this level, repetition of the
sin is possible. What is necessary for true recovery is an overhauling of one’s
character so that one cannot repeat the errant behavior.”
This article was
in a folder with a weight diary I kept from 2001 to 2005, when I weighed over
200 pounds. Each day, I recorded my weight, and next to it I indicated how my
eating was on that day. It reads: “Binge, binge, binge…” I still struggle with
the problem of bingeing on food, especially at night, but looking at all my
entries from over 15 years ago, and reading Rabbi Twerski’s article, gave me an
idea: Can I put myself at the level of “the person I am now cannot binge”? I am
fully aware from my past experience and from available information that bingeing
is bad for me physically, mentally, and spiritually. Can I internalize this and
live life so that I do not do this self-destructive action?
It’s only three
days since I made this decision. I tell myself that the person I am now cannot
binge. So far, it’s working. I’ll keep you posted.
Janet Sunness, MD, is medical director of the Richard
E. Hoover Low Vision Rehabilitation Services at the GBMC. She gives lectures in
the Baltimore area on Tanach, Judaism, women, and other topics.
