Money affects our
lives from the day we are born until the day we die. We eat food that costs
money, we sleep in beds with pillows and blankets that cost money, we live in
houses that cost money, we send our kids to schools that cost money, we wear
clothing that costs money, and we drive cars that cost money. We worry about
spending money – and also about not spending money. And while we figure it all out
(or not), our children watch and learn from us.
What is the Torah’s view on money? Chazal say,
“Someone who has today’s bread in his basket and asks what will I eat tomorrow
lacks faith.” Are Chazal teaching us that worrying about money is wrong?
According to Rabbi Yirmiyahu Kaganoff, in his book Buffalo Burgers to Monetary Mysteries, “…this passage is discussing
people’s beliefs. Everyone must believe that Hashem provides for him and that
whatever happens is under His control. One may not say, ‘What will I eat
tomorrow?’ thereby ignoring Hashem’s supervision. However, this does not mean
that formulating practical plans for the future is a violation of bitachon,
provided that one fully realizes that everything comes from Hashem and is
dependent on Him.”
Chazal’s statement still leaves parents a lot of latitude in their
approach to teaching their children about money. To get an understanding of a
few of the many options, I
spoke to three families about money and what values they are passing on to the
next generation.
Saving Money Is Worth It
“I am forever grateful
to my wife Shani,” said Dovid, a young man in his thirties. “When we got
married, she had been working for two or three years. Although she was not a
professional and did not make a lot of money, she saved all her earnings and
brought it with her to our marriage. That money has made a huge difference to
our lives.”
Dovid and Shani
invested her savings in mutual funds. The money doubled in seven-and-a-half
years, and they were able to use some
of it as a down payment on a house. They continue to add a small amount
every month, and now, seven years later, the money has doubled again. “It is
like a fountain that never goes dry,” said Dovid. “The money my wife saved
before she got married has helped us tremendously and has enhanced our lives
until this day.
“I, too, was a
saver,” he continues. “When I was a teenager, I read the book by Rabbi Dr.
Tuvia Meister, z”l, called, The Meister Plan. It was about how
investing even a small amount of money on a regular basis can make your money
grow a lot. That book inspired me, and I began saving and investing. I worked
in a camp, and instead of spending the money I earned, I invested it in stocks.
One of the stocks Dr. Meister recommended was Coca Cola, so that is what I bought. As it turned out, my money did not grow as
fast as the money my wife and I invested in mutual funds.”
Dovid has opened
accounts for his children and is putting away small amounts of money for them
so that they can start off their married lives as he did.
Money Is Not Everything
“What do you teach
your children about earning and saving money?” I asked Tova, a mother of a
large family.
“Saving money is
great,” said Tova, “but I choose to emphasize other values. I want my children
to understand that, although it is helpful to have money when one needs it, there
are other priorities. My children are still young, but I think I have been
successful so far.
Tova tells me that
in her son’s yeshiva, there were only two paying jobs – working in the kitchen
and waking the boys up for Shacharis.
Her son Yaakov had both of them but told the Rosh Hayeshiva that he only wanted to be paid for one of them.
He was worried that it was too much money for the yeshiva. “I am very proud of
my son,” said Tova. “Such sensitivity does not develop in a vacuum, and I like
to think that he learned it from home.
“Instead of emphasizing
saving money, I put the stress on not accumulating possessions or getting
things just because everyone else has them. Even when my children earn their
own money, I encourage them to think before making a purchase: Is this a need
or a want? If it is just a want then perhaps it is better not to spend the
money on it. Come to think of it, that is a form of saving money!
Tova never tells
her children that they are not doing something because they “can’t afford” it.
For example, “If they want to go to camp and we don’t have the funds to send
them and to outfit them as well as the other children, I do not say we can’t
afford it so you can’t go, and I don’t tell them they have to earn the money themselves.
Instead, I remind them what a wonderful time we had at home last summer.
“Once, one of my
children was complaining that he wanted to go to Eretz Yisrael for Sukkos like his
friend’s family. Instead of saying we can’t afford it, I told him that everyone
makes choices. ‘We have plenty of money, but we have priorities about how to
spend it. We choose to spend on our mortgage and tuition while others choose to
spend their money in other ways.’
“Some of my
children’s friends are already feeling pressured, at age 11 or 12, to earn
money for seminary or for their marriage. I feel that is inappropriate pressure
to put on a young child. Worrying about money is not for children. It is not
worth making them meshuga their whole childhood to save money.
“For instance, one
of the main ways that girls make money is by running summer camps. In my
opinion, some of these girls take too many children and charge too much,
because their focus is on earning money. My children run their camp because
they want to have a productive summer and do chesed. They are thus more focused on charging less, even taking
one or two children at no cost.”
After Tova
finished telling me all her thoughts on this topic, her husband Shalom joined
in. Ironically, he said, “Are you sure, honey? I think money is more important
than you make it out to be.” I thought that was interesting. Obviously, it is
not so simple to live as Tova suggests even though Shalom and Tova are trying
hard.
The Blessing of Wealth
Chaim and Talia
live a comfortable life and do not have to worry about their ability to pay for
their needs and their wants. I was interested to learn how they teach their children about the value of money, the importance of
preparing to earn a parnassa, and how much money to spend on luxuries.
Chaim, a
businessman who did not go to college, says, “I tell my children that, just
because I have been successful in earning a good parnassa, it is not
necessarily something they can expect to happen to them. Hashem bentched
me, and I had mazal, but it is
something to be thankful for; it is not a given.
Chaim advises his
children that the best thing they can do for themselves is to find a source of passive
income: that is, a business that continually brings in money without having to
work at it every day. Examples might be investing in real estate or owning
drink or candy machines. A lawyer always needs to work on new cases, a teacher
always has to teach new children. A person who has a passive income will always
come out ahead.
“I try to set a good example to my children of
giving tzedaka and being generous and kind and helpful to people who
come to my door to collect money. I also help my extended family when the
opportunity arises.”
I asked Chaim if he encourages his children to
earn money and save for the future. “Not really,” he says. “It is hard for me
to teach that to my children because I am not careful to save myself. I rely on
my passive income that hopefully will continue to come in. I think there is
great value in saving money when a person has the opportunity to make a
substantial amount of money. A child earning $1,000 with a summer job will not
gain very much from saving that money. Later on in life, when he has a real
job, I would encourage him to create a nest egg for himself, so that he can
invest in his own source of passive income.”
One of Chaim’s children, a teenager, is very
interested in earning money. When he was home from school recently because of COVID,
Chaim was happy to see him figuring out ways to make money. He had a job
delivering merchandise for a store in town, where he got paid $10 an hour.
After a very long hard day at work he came home with $100. He also started a
small business. He saw that stores were out of roller blades. He bought used
roller blades very cheaply and resold them on eBay. He was able to make a
profit of $100 with very little effort. “I was happy that he had the
opportunity to earn money both ways,” said Chaim. “This way he learned the
value of working hard and also the value of working smart.”
I wondered whether Chaim taught his children
that money is not that important and should not be a priority in life. “Not
really, he answered. “I cannot hide from my children how much of a role money
plays in my life. But they know that I spend a lot of it on them. We took the
family to Eretz Yisrael for Yom Tov. We bought a vacation home. Instead of
being super frugal, I try to teach them to use money with a plan and to be kind
and generous to others at the same time. I also teach my children by example to
help others and to not show off our wealth and make other people feel lacking.”
* * *
Every family is different, but the inescapable fact is that
money is the foundation of practical life for all of us and makes a big
difference in our lives. It is also a fact that our children are watching us
closely and figuring out our true values and attitudes about money. We don’t
have to say a word. Our actions speak louder than words.
