Lowly Job, Lofty Job: A Deeper Look at Babysitting
No matter how old you are, you probably remember your first job. And if you’re a woman, that job was probably babysitting. Some of us loved it, some of us chose to pass. But few of us thought about the “deeper meaning” of babysitting: namely, is it a job? Is it a chesed? Or is it both? This question plays itself out in many homes every night of the week, and is not trivial. The answer often depends on whether you are the one calling for the babysitter, the mother of the babysitter, or the babysitter herself. Because most women will end up being at all points of that triangle sometime during their life, it is helpful to be aware of each of these perspectives before coming to a conclusion.
The Mothers Speak
Firmly in the babysitting-cum-chesed camp, Mrs. L., a mother of four children mentioned how critical it is for a couple to be able to go out by themselves once in a while. “When a girl agrees to babysit, she is doing a great kindness,” says Mrs. C. “Even getting paid does not take away from that kindness.” This mother feels that girls should also realize that many parents in our community are tight for money, and they should therefore try not to charge too much.
Mrs. H., whose many children range from the babysat to babysitting age, agrees that help for young mothers is very important: “When people lived close to their families, there was always a mother, a grandmother, an aunt or a sister to babysit,” she explains. “But in Baltimore many families are on their own and sometimes really need the extra hand, so that they can take some time away from the children on occasion.” But, because Mrs. H. also sees things from the perspective of her teenagers, she knows that her daughters work hard when they babysit. Sometimes there are numerous children, crying babies, and a lot of work to do. When her daughters come home with three dollars an hour for all their effort, she feels they are being taken advantage of. “If the family is comfortable and pays well for other necessities, they should also pay the babysitter decently, because she is providing a valuable service.” If a family is hard up for money, however, this mother hopes that her daughters would babysit anyway, as a chesed. What’s her conclusion? “Both sides in this arrangement have to make sure that they are being fair. The family should treat the babysitter well and pay her what is expected, and the babysitter should keep in mind what an important service she is providing and be realistic about how much the family can afford to pay.”
Mrs. L., the mother of many former babysitters, says with a laugh, “My daughters only babysat for people they liked. They felt very uncomfortable babysitting for people they didn’t know. Some employers took advantage of them by expecting a lot and not paying enough. My girls especially didn’t like people who came back late. If they felt they were not treated fairly, they never wanted to go back again. I encouraged my girls to babysit as a chesed. Many times they babysat for nothing in dire situations, and even if they were offered money, they wouldn’t take it. That’s being a Jew.”
Mrs. B. grew up in Baltimore and has found herself on all sides of the babysitting triangle. As a teen, she was an active babysitter. Then she hired the babysitter. And now, she is the mother of the babysitter. Although some mothers of large families do not want their daughters to babysit for others when there is so much to do at home, Mrs. B always encourages her girls to go, even if she herself could use her girls’ help. “It is not the money, although that is also an incentive,” says Mrs. B. “Rather, it is the chinuch. I assume that if someone asks for a babysitter, she probably needs help. And we want to train our children that we try to help others when we can.” Mrs. B. wonders if the girls today have different attitudes than when she was growing up. “Maybe girls have more of their needs met by their parents and therefore do not have such a desire to earn pocket money. Maybe the community was smaller and more close-knit, so girls felt a responsibility to help people, because they knew them personally, and they also knew that if they said no, there weren’t many other people to call.”
More Than Just a Job
Hinda Edelson, a veteran babysitter, says she always tries to be available when people ask her for help. Although she gets paid, and appreciates the money, the bottom line is the chesed. Now that she is in 12th grade, and her school work has increased, she sometimes has to say no. Hinda really enjoys babysitting; the only thing she doesn’t like is when parents are critical of the way she takes care of the kids, when it is not in her control.
It sometimes happens that children misbehave and are difficult for a babysitter to manage. Mrs. S., recalling the babysitting she did as a college girl, has not yet gotten over the time her charge ran away because he did not like her. And, just to show how times have changed, a grandmother tells of being given a wooden spoon by the father of the family and told to use it if the children misbehaved.
To prevent similar incidents, one babysitter recommends that, if a child is likely to misbehave, parents speak to the babysitter before the job, so that she will know how they would like her to handle the child. A girl will also feel less embarrassed if she is told beforehand that there might be a problem. Many girls turn down babysitting jobs if the children misbehave or are very wild.
Adina Silberberg, a 13-year-old enthusiastic babysitter, gets calls to babysit a few times a month. She says the going rate for girls her age is approximately five dollars an hour. She usually tells the parents to pay what they want, and is happy with whatever they give her; sometimes they give her even more than five dollars.
Many other 13-year-old babysitters mentioned that they don’t tell people how much to pay them but that most people in Park Heights pay around five dollars an hour. The going rate may be higher in other neighborhoods. It is important for parents to know what is expected before paying so that there is no disappointment.
What makes a girls want to return to a family again and again? For Tziporah Chaya Warshaw, the first thing that came to mind was the family showing appreciation for her hard work. She feels appreciated when the parents chat with her on the way home and express an interest in what occurred while they were gone. One of the things that makes a girl feel especially respected is when the family offers her a meal if it is lunch or supper time. Another incentive for a babysitter to return to a job, says Tziporah Chaya, is if recognition is shown when something unexpected takes place: two extra friends who come to play, for example.
Peeves and Concerns
Mrs. H., a mother of potential babysitters, suggests that young girls are attracted to children who are clean. “That might not be the way it should be, but it is a fact of life,” she says. “If you want girls to come and babysit for you, make an effort to see that your house is relatively clean and that your children are not wearing dirty clothing, etc.”
Another important factor is coming home on time. Many mothers of teenagers mentioned that they were upset when their daughters came home an hour after the parents said they would return. An extra detail that was much appreciated was when a parent who was going to be late called not only the babysitter but the babysitter’s mother as well to let her know.
A particular complaint of the babysitters’ mothers is parents who leave their sick child with a babysitter without warning her in advance. Some families do not want their children (even if they are old enough to babysit) exposed to sickness. In addition, taking care of a sick child takes extra maturity. Once a child was coughing so much that the babysitter was afraid she would stop breathing. A young girl may not be sophisticated enough to deal with that kind of urgent situation. And of course, every parent should leave contact information in case of an emergency.
A concern of the parents of the babysitter should be the safety factor. Parents of teenagers should ask themselves: Do I know the people my daughter is babysitting for? Do I feel comfortable that they will treat her with kindness and respect? It is not a good idea to send a teenage girl to babysit without checking into the reliability of the people for whom she is working.
Pure Chesed
Many young mothers are only able to use babysitters in their own neighborhood, because they have no one to watch the children while they are picking up the babysitter or bringing her home. That severely limits the choice of babysitters. A parent of a babysitting-age girl can participate in her daughter’s chesed by volunteering to take her to the babysitting job, which would help these young families and also give her daughter the chance to babysit for a wider variety of families.
Bais Yaakov has a wonderful Gemach helping program. “The best part about it,” says a young mother in town, “is that the girls are brought and picked up by somebody else. The girls just appear at my door on Thursday nights, and spend an hour entertaining my children so that I can cook.” This service does not involve payment, and the mother finds that the extra four hands make a huge difference in her stress level that evening.
One of the mothers whose daughters take part in the Gemach marveled at how much her daughters enjoy it. She has two daughters who participated, and both benefited a lot from their relationship with the people they helped. The Bais Yaakov Gemach provides only limited service once or twice a week to help a mother at home. They also provide transportation. The girls who participate in the Gemach show tremendous commitment to this wonderful chesed.
A Win-Win Activity
Babysitting is a valuable and much-needed service. It affects most people in many stages of their life. When you are young, you are babysat, when you are a little older you are the babysitter, and when you are older still, you are hiring the babysitter. And many retirees find themselves babysitting again, for their grandchildren, in their later years. Just as in many other relationships, babysitting requires thought, responsibility, kindness, and caring. It is a wonderful opportunity for young girls to learn how to manage children, and it is good for the children to learn to get along with others besides their parents. It is good for the parents, too, because they can have a short break from their children to renew themselves. All involved should think seriously about what they can do to make this relationship work as smoothly as possible.
And, yes, babysitting is a chesed – even if the girls get paid.
Mrs. Schor says: “During the course of writing the article I came across a number of girls who want babysitting jobs. If you are interested in getting names from my list, you are welcome to call me.”
Sidebar
Red Cross Babysitting Training
The JCC offers a Red Cross babysitting course to prepare young babysitters for emergencies. Instruction includes basic first aid for burns, bleeding, choking, head injuries, stings, and poison prevention – as well as basic infant care, safety precautions, and when to call for help. The course takes place on two Sunday afternoons a few times a year. Upon completion of the course, the girls receive a card showing that they have Red Cross certification. For more information about this course, please call: Shira Ocken,
