Every reader of the WWW has something to say about school.
We have all gone to school and either hated it or loved it. And we send our
children to school, where they have the same reactions. As is my custom, whenever
I write an article, I ask every person I meet for their thoughts. This time, I
asked for advice on how to prepare children for a successful year in school. Everyone
had something to say – even the grandmother whose children are grown up, who said,
“I have no advice, I am just happy to be finished with all that!”
Executive
Functioning
It turns out that executive
functioning is a key element in school success. When I went to school, they did
not use that term, although I am sure children with problems managing in school
always existed. Some of the characteristics that are needed for good executive
functioning are self-restraint, working memory, emotional control, focus, task
initiation, organization, and stress tolerance. Some children develop these
qualities naturally, but many don’t. Fortunately, they can be taught.
I spoke to Miriam,* a school
psychologist, who gave me some tips to improve executive functioning: “Improving organization begins at home,” she
says. “About a week before school starts, begin to get the children out
of the summer routine of going to bed late and sleeping later in the morning. Start
working on bedtime so your child will not be tired in the morning. One of the
most important things to be successful in school is having routines. The child
should have a routine in the morning and in the evening when they come home.
They should know when they can play, when they eat, when they do homework, and
when they go to sleep; these kinds of routines will carry over into the school
day. Just as an adult who wakes up late and must rush around getting ready leads
to feeling stressed all day, the same applies to a child.
“Another tip,” says Miriam, “is to
go over the supplies you are sending with your child so he knows what
everything is for. Show him where his homework goes, where he should keep his
pencils, etc. so that he does not stuff everything into his knapsack in a big
mess.
“And finally, make school exciting
by getting something new just for school. New school shoes, a cute knapsack, or
something else that your child will be excited about.”
Tova,* an occupational therapist
who has worked in the school system, explained how OTs help students. She suggests
practicing following multiple-step directions at home. Learning to recognize
that time is passing can also be practiced at home using a visual timer. OTs
sometimes provide a visual timer on the child’s desk to teach him or her how to
start tasks on time and understand when a task needs to be finished. “We also
teach techniques for listening and attention so that the student knows what is
expected. I generally advise parents to
practice skills at home and also to get your child the help they need from
therapists.”
Advocate
for your Children
Mendel* called me in response to my
request and was eager to share his story. Mendel is an executive in a nursing
home, but he was a teacher for many years. “I have three children,” he said.
“My first two children are angels and have always done well in school; they are
motivated and smart. My third child is not such an angel and is a little more
difficult. He has temper tantrums and is quite stubborn. Because school went so
smoothly for my first two children, I did not pay that much attention to my
youngest son and his school experience. He came home a few times and told me
that he was thrown out of class that day. When I asked him why, he seemed to
have no idea.
“Finally, I called the teacher and
asked him what my son had done. The teacher admitted that my son had not really
done much, but he used my son as an example to the rest of the class who were
misbehaving. I made an appointment with the principal, who was very kind and
helpful. This is a very good school, so it shows that, even in a school that
cares about each student, kids can be overlooked. My son had been sitting in
the back of the class for the whole year, but he was now moved to the front of
the room. This was the last month of school, but it really turned things around
for my son. He blossomed in that last month. You can be sure that I will be on
top of the situation in the next school year. Nobody cares as much about your
child as you do.”
Rabbi Avi Kosman, my
brother-in-law, gave me another idea that he heard from his father, Rabbi Moshe
Kosman, z”l. “My father used to tell
us that many forces oppose the teacher, so we (the students) have to be on the
side of the teacher.” In other words, teachers are people, too. Rabbi Kosman continued,
“I think my father looked at teachers as the underdog, so his heart went
out to them. He also thought that if the child is ‘on the teacher’s side,’ that
will make him more receptive to the teacher`s messages.” Children have power, and they should use it
in the right way. Rabbi Kosman’s advice is to send your child off to school
with the right attitude.
Chaya,* an elementary school teacher, says, “Be interested in your child’s
school life. Be involved. Know what they are learning and make sure they have
what they need. Your child is in school for most of his or her waking hours.
Care! A teacher can tell which students have parents who care and are involved.”
Tzipora,* a mother of many
children, advises taking responsibility
for your own children. You can help your child succeed. “When one of my
children had a hard time learning to read, I spent 10 minutes a day practicing
reading with her over the summer. The teachers could not believe how much
better she was at reading when school started. Some of my children have summer
homework and some don’t, but I make it a routine to do some schoolwork every
day for just a small amount of time. The children usually cooperate because I
make it short and sometimes offer a treat afterwards.”
Gitty,* a school secretary who constantly
deals with students who don’t have what they need, suggests taking the school supply list seriously. “It
is very important to have everything the school requested so your child doesn’t
have to prowl around the office looking for a pencil or ruler.”
Gila,* a mother, recommends buying
extra supplies during back-to-school sales so that you will have it in case you
need more during the year. “You won’t have to run out at bedtime to buy
notebook paper, for example, at three times the price if you have extra
packages at home.”
Success
in Learning
For the boys in our community, enjoying
learning is very important. Most parents who send their children to our schools
hope that their boys will become talmidei
chachamim and make learning Torah a big part of their lives. I asked my
brother-in-law, Yitzchok Wiseman, a former TA student who learns Torah all day
in Bnei Brak, what his parents did encourage him to love learning.
He told me the first two thoughts
that came to his mind, although I am sure there are more. “When I was in
elementary school,” he said, “I used to have a learning group on Sunday nights
where we learned mishnayos. The other boys came from more yeshivish
families, but my mother encouraged me to join that group.” The second thing he
mentioned was not from his parents but from his school. At TA, on Thursday
nights a rebbe would give a mussar shiur.
They spoke about the importance of learning and this idea touched his heart and
motivated him.
Of course, there are no guarantees;
every person is different, but it was interesting to see how little things made
a big impression on a current Torah scholar. I asked Yitzchok what he does to
encourage his own sons besides for setting a good example. He said, “Whenever
they finish a limud in cheder
we make a siyum at home with special treats.”
Is
It Important?
Although all of us parents want our
children to do well in school, it is important to keep perspective. As Moish
Levin, my nephew, who works as a nurse, says, “Success comes in many shapes and
forms. Don’t confuse having success in the school environment as an indicator
of overall success in life. Look at all the famous people who did horribly in
school – Albert Einstein, Winston Churchill, and Steven Spielberg, just to name
a few.”
While it is true that success is
school does not always lead to success in life, we parents still want our child
to do well in their academic careers. My advice to parents is to try your best
to help your child succeed – I hope that some of the tips above help – but also
to relax, understanding that there are many ways for a child to succeed at
life. We wish all parents and children a wonderful school year.
* a pseudonym
