“Tova Brown,” a student at Maalot, had just watched the film Inspired, which depicts ordinary frum Jews reaching out to unaffiliated ones – and she was feeling, well, inspired. In that frame of mind she went shopping at Barnes and Nobles and noticed an obviously non-religious teenage girl reading an ArtScroll Chumash. Tova passed her a few times and even walked out of the store before finally convincing herself that she just had to approach this girl. This was what the movie was about, after all, and Tova had decided that the next time she got the opportunity she would do something.
Tova got up her courage and said to the girl, “Hey, what are you reading? I have been studying that book all my life.” The girl told her that she was from a Jewish home and was just exploring. Tova asked if she would like to study the Chumash together. The girl agreed, and learned with Tova every week. Eventually, she continued her studies in Israel and now lives a Torah lifestyle.
“I am so happy I went over to her and started a conversation,” says Tova, “because this girl later told me that she used to sit down in kosher restaurants specifically to see if religious Jews would befriend her. No one ever did. She thought all religious people were snobs. I was glad to be able to change her perception. I am certainly not responsible for her becoming religious, but I was able to open the door and start her on the road.”
The film Inspired is just one of a multiplicity of kiruv initiatives and organizations that have blossomed since the late 1960s. Each one takes a slightly different approach to the monumental task of our time: reaching out to our fellow Jews and introducing them to our beautiful – and common – heritage. I was fortunate to talk to four kiruv activists, who inspired me with their enthusiastic idealism.
Towson Tales
“Are you a matza ball?”
Unaffiliated Jewish students at Towson University are startled with this question the first time they encounter Effy Flamm. Indeed, Rabbi Flamm spends his days collecting “matza balls” at his “office”: a certain table in a certain hallway in a certain building on the Towson University campus. Effy uses the code name as a humorous way to find out if the student is Jewish. “Somehow, matza ball is less offensive than asking someone directly,” he explains.
Effy runs weekly classes, as well as a “kollel” program. A new concept in kiruv, the kollel pays students a stipend to attend classes on Jewish lifestyle, marriage, raising children, and how Torah can enhance their lives. They also attend a Shabbaton in the Park Heights area. The goal of the kollel program is for the students to eventually commit themselves to learning with a chavrusa. Effy tells me that some of the students in the WOW program run by Rabbi Bergman, which was discussed in the last issue of the Where What When, were originally part of his program.
The centerpiece of Effy’s activities is undoubtedly “Shabbos at the Flamm house.” Penina, his wife, explains: “Effy has made coming for Friday night dinner a fun, `cool’ thing for Jewish kids to do some time during the semester. The students who come to our house for Shabbos are usually completely unaffiliated with Judaism. We try to break down stereotypes. We want them to say, `Wow, Shabbos is unbelievable.’ These are students who are not searching. They do not feel a lack. We want to spark their interest and show them where they are lacking. Each student who comes for Shabbos gets a T-shirt saying, `I survived Shabbos with Effy and Penina.’”
The Flamms also invite young couples from the neighborhood with their children to help create a Shabbos atmosphere. “The energy is amazing,” says Effy, who describes people standing outside the house just listening to the beautiful singing.
After Shabbos, Effy sends postcards to the parents of the students who attended, proudly announcing that their son or daughter participated in a Shabbos meal. Many of them are thrilled that he is helping their children connect to Judaism. Some send him money to support his program. Effy raises all the money to support his kiruv work by himself.
But how do the Flamms prepare for 50 to 90 guests every Friday night? Most of us would feel intimidated by more than three or four! Penina is an expert by now, and does most of the work herself! Starting on Sunday, she spends about half-an-hour each day preparing a great variety of dishes. “That way, I don’t have to make so much of any one dish,” she says. “Just because there are 90 guests does not mean you need 90 pieces of chicken.” Instead, she makes deli roll, mushroom chicken, regular chicken, and brisket. Effy prepares the challa dough on Thursday, and on Friday Penina bakes it. “The cooking really doesn’t faze me,” says Penina. What she does find challenging are the five weeks during the semester when students from the kollel program sleep over for the entire Shabbos. “We entertain them all Shabbos and also prepare a big shaloshudas. I love those Shabbasim but they’re not restful.”
Penina considers her house “a little bit like the Bais Hamikdash. When we are all sitting around the table, we fit like sardines, and then there is a knock on the door and 10 more students walk in. Somehow there is always more room. My children love all the excitement. They really enjoy the students and love helping to entertain them. When my daughter was in Israel, she was constantly calling to find who came for Shabbos and what was going on,” she concludes.
What are Rabbi Flamm’s results? “The goal is not to convince people to become Orthodox but to expose them to the beauty of Judaism,” says Effy, who has been pursuing his self-initiated kiruv project for 19 years. “I try to light a small spark of interest; hopefully, the students will then meet other people who inspire them further. It is a slow process.”
One of the things that gives Effy chizuk (encouragement) to continue with this work is a dvar Torah that Rabbi Yaakov Weinberg, zt”l, once gave to a group of people involved in kiruv. “He told us that we are emulating Avraham Aveinu. Avraham got credit for bringing many souls close to G-d, even though none of what he taught them seems to have been a permanent change. We never hear in the Torah about the children of the people Avraham and Sarah converted, yet Avraham and Sarah are praised nevertheless. We plant the seeds, but how they sprout is not up to us.”
Tools for Inspiration
“Kiruv is not only for `kiruv professionals,’” says Rachelle Myers, coordinator of Project Inspire in Silver Spring. “Rabbi Noah Weinberg, zt”l, spoke about waking up the potential latent in the frum community. He created Project Inspire as a response to his distress about what he called `the spiritual holocaust’ that is devastating the Jewish people from within.”
We who live in a vibrant religious community often do not realize how high the intermarriage rate is among the non-affiliated. Mrs. Katz, a fifth generation Baltimorean, told me that her great-grandmother, a staunchly religious woman, had 10 children. Not one remained shomer Shabbos. In fact, many of the descendents have intermarried and are now lost to the Jewish people. This has been the unfortunate fate of many, many Jewish families.
Project Inspire proposes to correct this sad situation by harnessing the power of ordinary religious Jews. Mrs. Myers urges people to step out of their comfort zone and reach out to a neighbor, friend, relative, or coworker. “You never know where it will lead,” she says. “Nine out of 10 Jews are not significantly connected with G-d and Torah. Jews are moving further from Judaism every day. If we care about our fellow Jews, can we just stand by and hope someone else will help them? Even with all the great kiruv professionals, there are still over four million Jews who cannot be reached without our help. If you meet your neighbor in the next world, you don’t want him to say, `You saw me going down the up elevator for so many years and you never said a word!’”
Many frum people hearing this plea agree completely. “But,” they object, “I don’t know how. I’m not a kiruv professional.” That is the point entirely! Project Inspire strives to give the average person the tools, knowledge, and resources to introduce other Jews to the beauty of the Torah. What are some of these?
1) Attend a kiruv training seminar: In this Project Inspire initiative, a group of friends gets together in a home or shul, and the organization sends speakers and materials to teach classic kiruv techniques. This includes exploring common misconceptions people have about Judaism and how to answer them, and introducing Torah ideas to the non-religious in an easy-to-understand way. Rabbi Yaakov Solomon, one of the speakers on a short film about kiruv, says “Don’t be afraid to say, `I don’t know’ when some one asks a question. People do not expect you to know everything. If don’t have the answer, you can encourage them by telling them what a good question they asked and saying that you will find out the answer. In fact, it is a great opportunity to initiate an ongoing connection.”
2) Give a holiday gift: Before Rosh Hashana, Chanuka, Purim, and Pesach, Project Inspire makes available small gifts with information about the holiday. People are encouraged to buy the gifts (they cost about $3) and use them as an opening to become friendly with fellow Jews in the workplace or the neighborhood.
3) Watch a video; go to a website: Project Inspire creates movies and presents them to the community at shuls around the U.S. a few times a year. The organization also has a great website called kiruv.com, which answers every question anyone might have about kiruv.
4) Attend a Shabbaton: Project Inspire of Silver Spring holds a Shabbaton a few times a year at the home of Rabbi Yaakov and Rebbetzin Lori Palatnik of Aish D.C., in Rockville, with the participation of many frum couples. On Friday night they practice an inspirational Shabbos. Rabbi Palatnik explains how to run a Shabbos table for non-frum Jews, from Shalom Aleichem to benching. During the Shabbos day meal, the religious couples are joined by non-religious guests, so that they can practice their new skills and observe the kiruv professionals in action. In the afternoon, there is a question-and-answer session, where the attendees have their burning kiruv questions answered by Rebbetzin Lori Palatnik.
For more information about Project Inspire, please contact rmyers@projectinspire.com.
The Chabad House
Rabbi Zev and Channi Gopin are relatively new to Baltimore, but they don’t live in Park Heights or Greenspring. Instead, they make their home in wilds of Sherwood Gardens, right opposite the Homewood Campus of the John Hopkins University, where they run the Chabad House. The Gopins have the best of both worlds: “We are very grateful that we live only 20 minutes away from the frum community,” says Channi. “Our children can go to frum schools, and kosher food is available. Many Chabad shluchim live completely isolated from religious schools and kosher food.”
Kiruv is a family activity for the Gopins. One could say it is in their blood, as Channi grew up in Belgium, where her parents directed the Chabad House at the University of Brussels campus for close to 30 years. The four Gopin children are young but are already very proud of the work their family does. They have learned from an early age how important it is to set a good example and to make a kiddush Hashem. Very aware about who they are, they are proud to be part of and involved in such special work.
They are a big help, too. “The students love the children and are fascinated by their singing and participation in all aspects of running a Torah home,” says Channi. “Once, our eight-year-old son stood outside on his own initiative on Succos and asked people if they were Jewish and if they wanted to shake his lulav and esrog. The students were especially receptive because of the special charm of a young boy.”
The Gopins state their goal to be developing a warm connection and personal relationship with the students they serve. The Chabad House was established eight years ago and started out very small. The first Shabbos they had only four guests in their small apartment; today, they host between 25 and 40 students every week in their spacious Chabad House on Charles Street. They run an open house, where students feel comfortable dropping in any time during the week or on Shabbos.
“The college years are a critical time in the development of a person,” says Rabbi Gopin. “It is a time when young adults are developing their own ideas away from his parents’ home. It is the best opportunity to introduce the beauty of Judaism to people who know very little.”
Channi runs a group called the Jewish Women’s Society of John Hopkins. It is a popular group, because the students enjoy the women-only atmosphere. Channi runs classes on challa baking, Kabbala, and yoga, and raise money for social causes like cancer or bone marrow transplants. Channi and her husband also teach various classes on Jewish thought and study with many students one on one.
As opposed to drawing students just to a Jewish function or event on campus, the Gopins emphasize teaching about Judaism in the context of Jewish family life, using their own home and family as a place where students can be part of an organic and real-life experience of Jewish family living. “Because Jewish life and a strong Jewish future can succeed only on the solid foundation of a Jewish family, that is what we strive to expose the students to,” says Rabbi Gopin.
Sometimes it takes years for work to be effective. A few years ago, the Gopins received a phone call from the parents of a student. They were very distraught that their son, a medical student, was seriously dating a non-Jewish woman. The Gopins developed a relationship with him and made him and his girlfriend feel welcome in their home. He was open to their influence and, over a period of a few years, dropped his non-Jewish girlfriend. He recently got engaged to a Jewish girl from Baltimore, and they are now planning their wedding.
The Chabad House is supported entirely by the local community and alumni of the program. They do not receive any funding from the national Chabad organization.
A Table in Manhattan
You’re walking down a busy street in Manhattan and do a double-take. Is that man, dressed in a white shirt and black pants looking like he belongs on Yeshiva Lane, really hawking a free trip to Israel? Intrigued, you go over to get a closer look at the action. Young people are actually stopping, listening and signing up for something.
Yes, you are seeing my brother, affectionately known to his students as Rabbi E, in action. He is charismatic, funny, uninhibited, and very sincere. In fact some of the behaviors that used to get him in to trouble when he was a student in TA elementary school now stand him in good stead in his chosen profession. As people from all walks of life stride in front of him, most people do not even give him a glance, he is not discouraged. With his sense of humor, warm personality, and thick skin – he is not one to get insulted – he makes a lot of connections. Focusing on the ones who do stop, he asks, “Are you Jewish?” and takes it from there.
Rabbi E’s cheerful, friendly demeanor makes every interaction pleasant, and everyone, Jew or non-Jew, walks away from his table with a smile. By noon he has a list of Jewish students and their phone numbers. Now he will get to know the students individually by inviting them out for coffee in a nearby Starbucks.
The technique Rabbi E uses is called tabling, named after its main prop, a table. You can watch a video of tabling at his website, investinjudaism.com. Although Rabbi E and his wife Tzippora work with the students at NYU, he says it is somehow less intimidating for a Jewish student to be approached by a rabbi standing behind a table in Manhattan than to make the choice to join a Jewish group on campus on his or her own initiative.
Rabbi and Mrs. E, who live in Passaic, often pack up the whole family – along with food, toys, and bedding – and spend Shabbos on the Lower East Side, which is near the NYU campus. They work with students from the very beginning of their journey, up to and including helping them find shidduchim when they are ready to get married.
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We, in the observant Jewish community, have the power and the privilege of introducing our Jewish brothers and sisters to Judaism, before they wander off to explore other religions or settle for a life barren of the Torah’s meaning.
The first step is being aware of our responsibility (see sidebar). Once we are, simply being friendly and open to our neighbors can be the beginning of the journey for them. We need to encourage each other to make an effort to stop the spiritual holocaust devastating our people. Together, we can make a difference.
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A Pastime or an Obligation?
Many people have the impression that kiruv is just a nice thing to do. In actuality, we have an obligation to help staunch the flow of Jews we are losing every day. Here are the six mitzvos (commandments) involved:
1) Areivus: We are obligated to feel connected to and care about our fellow Jews.
2) Ve’ahavta lerai’acha kamocha: We must love our fellow Jew as much as ourselves. R’ Chaim Volozhin says that the highest act of love is to give another Jew Torah.
3) Tochacha: We are obligated to rebuke out fellow Jew if there is a chance he might listen. Of course, the rebuke has to come from love. Non- religious Jews often feel that frum Jews look down on them, so rebuke has to be in context and administered with wisdom and love.
4) Hashavas aveida: Returning a lost object. This refer not only to a lost object but also to a lost neshama (soul), lost because of lack of education and knowledge.
5) Lo sa’amod al dam rai’acha: Do not stand by when your fellow Jew is drowning spiritually.
6) Ohr la’goyim: We are supposed to be a bright light to the world. But how bright can our light be if the vast majority of Jews are assimilated?
From an article entitled “The Kiruv Imperative” by Eileen Fine, on www.kiruv.com.
