Summer camp is a subject that consumes parents starting in the dead of winter. Should I send my child this year? Or should I wait for next year? Which camp should she go to? Should he go at all? How can I get the camp to accept my child?
My parents sent me
to camp at the young age of 9 to try to cure me of my shyness. The camp had
very strict rules, and parents were not allowed to visit or speak to their
children for the full three weeks. My father often reminded me of the time he
happened to be in the area and wanted to visit me but they wouldn’t let him
onto the grounds. Instead, the counselor came to talk to him at the gate of the
camp. My parents sacrificed to send me to camp, and I am sure they missed me, but
they wanted me to have a great summer, and it was a priority to do what they
thought was good for me.
Today’s parents
are also eager to send their children to camp for that special experience. Yet,
while the number of camps has proliferated, overnight camp is still very expensive
and, these days, often hard to get into. Many camps have a waiting list because
they fill up quickly with siblings and campers from past years. Camps can also be
picky about whom they accept. They may want only a specific type of family or
child. Sometimes you have to have “pull” to be accepted, or you may have to
wait for an opening. One camp director even suggested to me that if your
daughter is not accepted to camp, it might be a good idea to get her a job as a
mother’s helper in the camp she wants to go to, so that she will have a good
chance of being accepted as a camper the following year. Another strategy is to
send your child at an early age, because the younger bunks have more openings and
priority is always given to returning campers.
Tips from Parents
Once your child is
accepted into the camp you wanted, and after you have made out the substantial
checks for those few weeks, what can you do to increase the likelihood that
your child will have a good, productive summer and want to go back next year? Some
parents weigh in:
“It is important
to get your children clothes that they will wear,” says Mrs. G. “It is worth
buying more expensive clothing that is popular, rather than waste money on
cheaper things that will stay in the suitcase all summer. Also, in some camps,
the ‘right’ clothing is important so that your child feels comfortable.”
What about the
list of supplies that comes with the acceptance letter? One mother remembers
that her daughter’s list included a sewing kit. “My daughter didn’t know how to
sew and had never mended her own clothes, so I thought that item could be
skipped,” she says. “But my daughter insisted that she could not go to camp
without it. We finally found a sewing kit and packed it. Of course, she came
home after four weeks with the sewing kit untouched.”
Mrs. K. advises, “Get
a stamp that has your last name and the city you come from without the child’s
first name. That way you can use the same stamp for all your children and for
when they go to yeshiva or seminary.”
Zipora Schuck, a
school psychologist and education consultant, offered these tips in Mishpacha’s Family First magazine: 1) Give your child a code word to use when
talking to you on the phone in case they have a problem but have no privacy to
talk about it. 2) Discuss in advance situations that may happen at camp and
plan how those problems can be solved. You can even prepare cards with problem-solving
ideas on them. 3) If your child takes any medication, arrange with the camp
staff how that will be taken care of. 4) Consider tipping the counselor in
advance if your child has specific needs that will require extra care.
Tips from Kids
“Some children do
not belong in overnight camp,” says Chaya, who never went to one. “I am the
kind of person who needs my own personal space. I do not like to be regimented
and told what time to wake up and what to do every minute of the day. A day
camp is only for about six hours a day, but being bossed around for 24 hours a
day was not for me.”
Tova, a high
school girl, went to camp for the first time last summer. “It was very lucky
that we found out about the ‘nosh box’ before I went,” she said. “Camp provides
three meals a day and some special snacks, but girls are sometimes hungry,
especially in the evening. Every girl brings a big box of snacks and shares it
with the other girls in the bunk. It is a very important part of the camp culture.
I had never been to camp before, and it would have been uncomfortable if I
didn’t have one.”
Tova was happy to tell
me how she chose which camp to go to. “I wanted to go to a camp where the girls
had the same hashkafos as I do. I wanted them to care about things like
davening and learning and tznius. I didn’t want just the counselors to
be like that.” The camp Tova went to was very selective about their campers and
chose girls with those hashkafos. Tova’s camp did not allow any
technology except for cameras. “Even the counselors were not allowed to have
phones,” says Tova.
Tova went to camp
without any special friends but, luckily, found a friend at the very start of the
session and they hit it off right away. “I was fortunate that I found a friend
quickly in camp, but I would not suggest relying on that method. It is better
to go to camp with friends; otherwise, you might end up being lonely. If it
takes two weeks to find a good friend, camp is almost over.”
Moshe, who was a
counselor in a boys camp for many years, was enthusiastic about his
experiences. “There are two different types of boys in camp,” he says. “Some boys
care more about being cool and bring cool clothes. They don’t care if their
clothes get ruined in the camp laundry; their priority is being cool. Other
boys bring shmatte clothes because
they don’t want to worry about their clothes getting ruined. But a person
shouldn’t feel bad if they are not cool,” Moshe concludes. “Either you are cool
or you aren’t, but you can still make friends and have a good time either way.
“Camp is a place
where a person can escape from regular life. It is a place to escape from the
hustle and bustle of the whole year and be surrounded by nature, Torah, and
friends. Our camp has no technology, so there is a break from that. Campers can
bring phones but they give them in to the office and can only use them on
Fridays.”
Moshe’s camp is all about sports so he is not
sure if a boy who does not like sports would be happy there. “But,” Moshe
continues, “there are always boys in camp who do not like sports, and they
still enjoy camp. They may like the peace and quiet to learn, and they can
enjoy nature, go fishing, or ride the horses. The purpose of camp is to make
Yiddishkeit geshmak, in a way that can’t be done all year in school.
There is a lot of singing, color war, bunk days, going for hikes, and other
activities that create a ru’ach (spirit)
and an achdus (unity) that is very different from school.”
Moshe thinks that
another advantage of camp is that a boy has a chance to develop his own
individual identity. At home everyone knows his family, and often he is known
as his father’s son or as a part of a family from a certain neighborhood. In
camp he is on his own, and he can shine because of his own abilities and
attributes. Also, camp is an opportunity to get to know people from other
communities and cities.
“Parents should
not call often,” Moshe advises, “especially the first few days of camp, but it
is really nice to send packages with some nosh and cute items.” He remembers
that his mother once sent him a water gun in one of her packages. “It is very
exciting to get packages.” He adds.
Tips from Directors
Mrs. Cohen, who
has been the director of an overnight camp for girls for many years, shared
some ideas to think about when deciding whether to send your child to camp and
what camp to send to.
“I would say that the first thing a parent must be sure of is whether
their child is ready for sleep-away camp. It’s better to wait another year if
she might be homesick or not ready than to send her prematurely because if her
experience isn’t good, she may never want to go back again.
“It’s best to go with at least one friend, to help acclimate. Let
her speak to girls who went before so she’ll know what to expect. A nice idea
is to have her watch the camp’s video from the previous year so when she gets
there, it will feel a little familiar. It will also make her really excited to
go.
“Send whatever items the camp suggests. Do not send things that are against the tznius, safety, or
technology rules. It will put your daughter and the camp in a very
uncomfortable spot. The family should respect the finer hashkafos and
sensitivities of the camp that they are sending to.
“Speak to others who go to that camp to find out about weather,
expected Shabbos attire, and foods to bring.
“Be honest with the camp about any underlying issues that they should
know about – such as medical or family issues – and be in touch with the camp
nurse about any medical condition or medications. Do not encourage her to hide medications in the bunkhouse because that
is illegal.
Most camps have a camp mother you can call before the summer if
you want her to look out for your child, and during the summer, to keep
updated, Camps are very happy to hear from parents and to make sure their kids
are happy over the summer to the best of their ability. Parents can also call
the camp director or program director if they have any concerns. I know that I
personally would want to hear concerns early on. Parents shouldn’t wait if
there is a real problem.
“Make sure your daughter writes down only girls that she really
wants to be with on her bunk requests so that she will not be not disappointed
if she gets put with only one of her requests.
“Encourage your child to reach out and try to make new friends
from all over.
“I think it’s good to limit phone calls and not speak daily. The
independence of problem solving and managing is a great skill for life, and
frequent phone calls become a crutch.
“Mostly, since camps are full to capacity – and even overfull –
children should be grateful if they are in camp and appreciate the opportunity.
Lots of kids are on waiting lists and wish they could go.”
Wishing all of the camp-going children of Where What When’s readers a great summer. Hopefully, their parents’
devotion will be money well spent.
