Simchas are many things to many people. While some families love the informality of a backyard barbeque, others are happiest with an over-the-top bash at the biggest hall in town. We all speak a different “simcha language.” What we all have in common is the excitement and joy – and also the stress. Making a simcha, especially for the first time, can be overwhelming. So many issues must be investigated and decided upon: What style of music do we want? How many courses should we serve? Who should the photographer be? And, of course, how much money is this all going to cost!?
When we attend simchas as guests, we don’t necessarily notice or care about the details – until we are the ones making the decisions and spending the money! The first time I noticed centerpieces at a wedding was when I had to choose centerpieces for my own child’s wedding. Agonizing over the choices for weeks, the first thing I looked at when I attended simchas during that time was the middle of the tables!
For this article, I asked various vendors to explain the details of their trade in order to educate our readers about what’s involved when making a simcha.
First Comes Food
The center of the simcha, besides the chassan and kallah is the food. “I asked Shula of Catering by Yaffa her advice about selecting a caterer.
“There are all kinds of options that a potential client can look into about the menu, the décor, and the service before making a final decision,” Shula explained. “Some people are happy with the simplest affair; others want to be involved in every detail, down to the kind of napkins and where they should be placed on the table. We always advise clients to come in and meet with us, so that we can customize and personalize the wedding of their dreams. If they have already hired us, we arrange a private taste-testing so that they can choose their menu. Or we suggest that they come to a wedding we are catering, and we will provide them with food to taste in the kitchen.”
One way to compare caterers is to make sure they are offering a similar affair. For instance, you can find out how many waiters or waitresses will be on duty to serve the meal. Obviously, the more staff, the more efficient the service, but the more staff may also make the affair more expensive. I once attended a wedding where the caterer’s goal was to serve every person at the table at the same time. He was not going to have one person at the table receive his portion before the others. There were 12 people at the table, so six waitresses were lined up in the kitchen and, at some pre-arranged signal, came out and served every person at the exact same instant!
Video Memories
What questions should be asked when choosing a videographer? Are there factors to consider besides price? How do you compare the quality of the different vendors’ videos?
Jeffrey Reches, of RC Video, explains. “One of the first things to ask is whether the videographer has experience shooting Jewish Orthodox weddings. Even if he is excellent at his job, he needs to know what parts of the wedding are important so he can make sure to be at the right place at the right time. Once I was shooting a wedding with a photographer who had never been to an Orthodox wedding. He stood in the back of the room during the whole chuppa, not realizing that he could – and should – get close to the action!
“Prospective clients have to make sure they like the person who is going to be shooting at their wedding,” continues Jeffrey. “The videographer is going to be right in the middle of everything for the entire wedding, so you want to make sure that his personality does not put a damper on things.”
Brad of Bradley Images, who does both videos and photography, adds, “A photographer has to communicate effectively. Some families have 50 members, and it takes skill and communication to pose such a large crowd. The photographer has to know how to visually place people, while making the experience pleasant for everyone in the picture.”
Another point that a client might want to consider is how long the prospective vendor has been in business. If you lose your video a couple of years down the line, it would be convenient to have the videographer still be in business.
The length of the final product is also something to discuss. “Some people appreciate a video that includes every important part of the wedding, edited beautifully so it is enjoyable to watch,” says Jeffrey. “They do not want the editor to decide what is important and what is not. Maybe the dance that is edited out is the one with your best friend in it! A final edited video that includes all the important footage can be about two-and-a-half hours long. (Remember, a wedding is typically five to six hours.) Others can’t imagine watching a video that is so long and may prefer a highly edited 45 minute to 1 hour version, more of a ‘cinematic style’ type video. You can ask the videographer what style he produces.”
Say Che-e-e-se
Michael Diamond, of Mike Diamond Photography, agrees with Jeffrey Reches about the importance of hiring a photographer with experience shooting frum weddings. “The men and women at an Orthodox wedding are separated almost the whole time,” says Michael. “Therefore, you really need two photographers. Make sure that the two people are photographers with two cameras and not just a photographer with a helper.”
Brad says, “Many times, customers focus on the price, not understanding that while price is important, a bargain on one end may not result in a high quality product.”
How long will the photographer stay at the wedding? Some photographers limit their time to five hours and charge more for overtime. “I stay until the band stops playing and I come early enough to be able to take good pictures of both sides of the family without rushing,” says Mike Diamond.
Not all photographers deliver the same product. Some photographers will give you the pictures just as they are on a disc, while others will spend time on the computer making sure that every picture is perfect. A photographer has the ability to work on the color balance, and contrast adjustment of the pictures. Mike explains, “If I see that the purple gown does not look like the same color it was on the wedding day, I can make adjustments so that the picture will look exactly as it really was.” Obviously, a photographer that spends more time with the pictures after the actual simcha, will charge more for his work, but you are getting a better-quality product.
Will you be getting an album, and what kind will it be? As Brad says, “The photos and the videos from your simcha are the only tangible memory left when the event is over. It’s worth spending money on something that will preserve that day forever. When done right, those pictures and videos will preserve the love of family and friends at a most important day in your lives. You have to love your pictures.”
Music Makes the Simcha
I spoke to several musicians about of the technicalities of choosing music for your simcha.
One-man bands are gaining in popularity as you can get the sound of an entire band in a keyboard. According to Reuven Meth of Segulah Orchestra One-Man Band, “It is best if the customer can come to hear the band live at a simcha. This provides the best insight into the quality of the band.”
Aryeh Berkowitz, of Music by Aryeh, a one-man band, says, “A musician who plays the keyboard at a simcha has the ability to improvise and to put expression into his music. Expression is important. People feel the music, and react to it by dancing with more energy. A talented musician really creates the mood in the room. Also, at a typical simcha, there are many different styles of music that need to be played. A musician needs to really understand all types of music and be able to play all of them expertly.
Gary Honick of Kol Chayim Orchestra, a multi-musician band, says, “Each simcha has its own dynamics and its own crowd. The music for each performance and the order in which it’s played must be customized to the unique needs of each occasion. Also, the band must have an internal chemistry. When the players enjoy playing together, they can almost read each other’s minds to create the best possible renditions of the music. Good chemistry among the musicians is reflected in the performance, and the better the performance, the more leibedik the simcha,” adds Gary.
“Some clients may be concerned about how loud the music is going to be at their simcha. They should be able to speak to the musicians before the simcha and during the simcha so that the sound is to their liking. An excellent band leader pays very close attention to the band’s volume and will always make the adjustments necessary to keep the volume at a pleasant level,” Gary concludes.
Reuven Meth explains that a band may be able to adjust the volume in a way that the client may not have thought about. “I once played at a chasana where the kallah mentioned that they had hired my band because of the quality of the music, including my reputation for playing quieter music, which her chassan wanted. She, on the other hand, would have liked the music to be a little louder. At the hall they were using, the sound system is typically set up on the men’s side of the mechitza, but I told her I would set up a wireless speaker near the ladies dance floor, which would provide the best control to provide everyone their desired volume. The kallah was very appreciative, and it worked so well that I started using wireless setups regularly to control the sound and best meet customers’ desires and each hall’s configuration.”
Planning for the Party
Today, we often see vorts or sheva brachos set up by party planners. What does a party planner do and how can we choose between one party planner and another? As always, it is always a good idea to check references and perhaps attend a simcha that the planner is arranging before yours, so you can see her in action.
Sara Beck, a party planner for many years, says, “The purpose of a party planner is to let you enjoy the party. A party planner gives you the flexibility to do some of the cooking yourself while buying other things from a caterer. You can participate in making your own simcha as much as you want to, and hand over the rest of the jobs to your party planner.”
“Every party planner is different,” says Sara. “For instance, some charge a flat rate for the job, and some charge by the person. You should also consider the planner’s reputation and creativity and how easy it is to work with her. And don’t just compare prices; instead, give the vendor a chance to explain what is included in their price. If you are just basing your decision on the price that is quoted, you might end up comparing apples to oranges.”
Some of the services a party planner provides are hostess bags, centerpieces, invitations, table seating, lighting, setting tables, and warming up food. A party planner also knows the rules of each shul and should be able to let clients know the halachos that are relevant to making a simcha on Shabbos. Party planners may have access to better prices because they buy things like paper goods in bulk. When you talk to your party planner,” says Sara, “be very clear about your expectations so that you won’t be disappointed.”
I hope that this article has shed light on some of the practical aspects of making a simcha. What is clear is that, once you decide on a budget, you have to make choices. Families care about different parts of the simcha. One client may choose to cut down on the number of people attending the simcha so that she can have fancier flowers or more expensive paper goods. Another client may say, “I don’t care at all about the fancy tablecloths or the decorations at the chuppa; the music is the most important thing to me.” A third person may completely disagree and say, “To me, the décor is the most important; all music sounds the same anyway.”
Making decisions about once-in-a-lifetime events, such as a vort, a wedding, a bar mitzva or a dinner can be stressful. Being an educated consumer and knowing what questions to ask helps!
