Tamar Schulman first heard about vaping from her children when they were in middle school. “I found out that kids were vaping in the school bathroom or behind the school building,” says Tamar. “I didn’t know anything about it; I had to go online and research what vaping is.”
Since then, she was
told by a frum therapist, “Mrs. Schulman,
I am telling you, vaping is happening in every school in Baltimore. It doesn’t matter
how big or small the school is. Don’t kid yourself!”
Vaping seems to be
the latest drug-related menace facing our children. “To the extent that it is a
national problem, it is something that we have to be worried about,” says Dr. Michael
Kidorf, Associate Director, Addiction Treatment Services, Johns Hopkins Medicine.
But what is vaping?
Vaping is defined as the inhale and exhale of vapor containing nicotine and flavoring,
produced by a device designed for this purpose. According to Dr. Kidorf, “The most
popular way of vaping is to use an e-cigarette to inhale nicotine. No doubt, this
is the most prevalent way that vaping is being used in our community.” (See sidebar)
Once Tamar learned
about vaping, she used it as a springboard for discussions with her kids, asking
them questions like, “Why would you consider vaping? What do you think vaping does
for you? Why is it different than drugs?
“This tied into the
whole drug-and-alcohol talk,” says Tamar. “I have an open-door policy. My children
know that they can talk and ask me questions. It’s important to me that my kids
and their friends feel comfortable doing that.”
Tamar talks to her
kids frequently and in-depth about drugs. Early on, she took her 16-year-old son,
who has friends who drink and do drugs, out to eat and asked him, “Are you tempted
to vape?” When he adamantly insisted that the thrill of getting high wasn’t worth
it, she was blown away by his response and knew she was doing something right.
“I asked my son, ‘Aren’t
you afraid that your friends who do drugs and drink will make fun of you or pick
on you or call you a loser?’ He said, ‘No! My friends know that I don’t drink, do
drugs, or vape, so they don’t do it when I am around.’ He is very strong in his
beliefs and doesn’t want any part of it. When he was in an out-of-town yeshiva,
there was no vaping or drug or drinking problem; when he came home to go to yeshiva,
there was.”[E1]
“Because I’m a Kid…”
Sixteen-year-old Motti*
who has been vaping and doing “weed” (marijuana) for about a year, told me he respects
kids who don’t want to vape and he’s friends with them. He also said that his parents
know about his two addictions and prefer that he didn’t have them, but they understand.
“Vaping starts in middle
school and weed in high school,” Motti enlightens me. “I know close to 100 people
who vape but do not do weed. I know that vaping is bad for your lungs and I shouldn’t
be doing it, but I vape all the time because it is relaxing. It helps me concentrate
and calms me down.”
When I asked Motti
why he wasn’t calm, he explained, “Because I’m a kid and I have energy. Most of
my friends vape, too. We also do weed. I enjoy it. I kind of want to quit vaping
but I enjoy weed.”
Vaping costs Motti
$1 to $30/day; weed costs him about $14/day. An ounce of marijuan[E2]a costs $165 and lasts
two weeks. He pays for his habit by life guarding, mowing lawns, and doing other
jobs. In Elul, Motti switched to an out-of-town yeshiva for 11th grade.
He admitted that he has a trustworthy friend there who he knows can supply him with
safe stuff.
A Principal’s Take
on Vape
How are our children,
whom we have raised in a protective, fairly insulated community, being introduced
to vaping? One local principal says, “As boys get older, they might be curious;
typically, they will watch older boys in high school or even men vaping, and it
will arouse their curiosity to a point where they might want to try it. I think
that is where their exposure begins. They don’t view it as dangerous as cigarettes,
and it is easy nowadays to pick up these vaping mechanisms. Everybody speaks about
the dangers of smoking, but in the boys’ minds, they think vaping is safer – not
as dangerous as cigarettes – and even though they know it is something their parents
wouldn’t want them to do, they may go ahead and take a chance.”
The principal shares
that people have seen boys vaping around town – sometimes in the local shuls or
other places where boys hang out. “We might hear about a boy seen doing it or a
boy who has a mechanism on him. The boys talk about it, also,” he continues. “You
hear talk, and you never know for sure if it is just talk or if something really
happened, but it is something that interests them and they like talking about it.
Vaping might start
at the end of elementary school, when they start getting interested, but I think
it primarily takes place in high school. I think the danger of it is – besides the
health risk – is that it opens up a Pandora’s box that can lead to other types of
issues, such as alcohol and drugs. It is a doorway being opened.”
Not Worth the Trip
Of course, just because
vaping has become a hot topic – and activity – among our middle and high schoolers,
not everyone takes an interest in doing it. One teen admitted to me that he has
never vaped and has no interest in it.
“I don’t need to show
off by vaping or doing drugs,” he says, adding that kids start at the age of 13.
“It is surprisingly simple how easy it is to get a hold of vaping materials, even
if you are under the legal age of 21. My friends worked backwards, starting off
with harder stuff. They use vaping as an everyday thing because it is easier to
conceal.”
His advice: “I see
people doing it and I see how it messes up their lives and how they are spending
their entire summer paychecks on it. Instead of saving up for the future or spending
it on something fun, they are spending it on nicotine or weed or whatever. It’s
not worth it. You get an addiction for the rest of your life for five minutes of
head rush.”
Education, Communication
and Boundaries
Two of Rachel’s* three
children got into vaping when their peer groups were doing it in ninth and tenth
grade. It was relaxing for them, and they did it at home after school.
“Vaping is easily accessible;
it’s right in our backyard. The vaping pods are small devices and very easy for
a naive parent to miss,” says Rachel, who is a mental health practitioner. “The
‘no-nic’ is the first thing that the kids do; they try out different flavors without
the nicotine. I recall going into a store with my kids and the attendant asking,
‘Nic or no-nic?’ My kids answered, ‘No-nic.’ I didn’t even know what they were talking
about, so I educated myself about all of the different varieties. My kids would
assure me that because they were getting no-nic there should be no problem vaping.
But even if they are not getting nicotine, there is still a problem with
vaping. Besides the fact that a small percent of vapers can actually get a lung
issue from it, the idea of turning to the vape when stressed creates a kind of codependency
on it.
“As my daughter got
older, she wanted to get off of it, realizing how much money it costs to keep buying
those pods. It was really hard for her because at that point it was biologically
in her system,” continues Rachel. “It took a lot of effort and therapy to get over
that urge to smoke and to utilize other coping strategies instead of going for that
vape. Although it appears harmless – especially if you are not using nicotine –
it is very tantalizing. It’s really hard to tell if vaping will lead to a gateway
drug, like marijuana, or other things. The outcome depends a lot on what is making
you do it. For example, if a person is vaping to escape pain or obtain a sense of
calmness, it could lead to a gateway drug like marijuana, or other hard-core drugs,
and these could also be laced with other harmful substances.
“It is important to look beyond the action and
look for the cause,” Rachel continues. “The vaping is a symptom of what is going
on with your children.” Rachel’s best advice to parents is: “Number one, educate
yourselves; number two, keep the lines of communication open with your children
and be there to listen to whatever they have to say. Explain that you are there
for them and they can talk to you anytime about what is going on,” Rachel advises.
“It is also important to establish firm, healthy boundaries. For example, I would
say, ‘No vaping in the car, or while doing homework, or to tease your sister, or
if it is disturbing in any way.’ My kids were definitely receptive of these boundaries.”
A Different Danger
Shmuel Katz, a therapist
in the Harford County public school system, deals with students and parents on a
regular basis regarding vaping. Like Tamar and Rachel, he stresses education.
“There are two parts
to a vaping device,” he says, “the cartridge, which is comprised of the liquid and
a mouthpiece, and the battery, which heats the liquid to create the vapor. Most
people don’t know that, in addition to the flavoring and water, the liquid in the
cartridge contains chemicals.
“This liquid is manufactured
in vats that labs use to make different products for different customers. If there is no third-party
oversight body, the labs are not incentivized to thoroughly clean the vats,
which can lead to tainted vape cartridges. This is especially true in China,
where the standards are low – or nonexistent. If chemicals from a previous run leak
into the vaping liquid, the person who is vaping might be ingesting ammonia, hydrogen
peroxide, heavy metals, fentanyl, paint thinner – or who knows what else.”
When parents ask Shmuel
whether to take a tolerant or punitive approach with their children, he says, “Because
teens can easily replace the devices and hide the vaping, it really has to be an
open discussion. What makes vaping uniquely dangerous is that most kids are getting
it from friends or off the street, and then you don’t know what you’re inhaling.
Shmuel advises that parents emphasize the risks – the fact that we really don’t
know what’s in it. They can explain that cigarettes and alcohol, while also not
safe, have at least been well studied, and their effects are predictable. Vaping
is new, and people don’t know what chemicals are in it.”
And if parents decide
that their child is going to continue vaping, they should do research to find out
which labs that manufacture the liquid are reputable – even buy it for them. Usually,
buying from a vape shop is safer than from a gas station or convenience store.
In a final word of
advice, Shmuel says, “Kids are smart. You have to be smarter and know the facts.
If you try to specify the dangers, they will counter you. It is more effective for
parents to say, ‘We don’t know what the risks are’ than to detail the dangers and
be wrong.”
Healthy Choices
Now age 19 and 21,
Rachel’s kids no longer vape. They made healthy choices and decided it wasn’t for
them. Rachel emphasizes that parents need to be very firm, consistent, and follow
through on consequences. Most important, she says, is not to damage the self-esteem
of the child. “Say, ‘I am doing this because I care about you and I want you to
be healthy. I want to empower you to make healthy choices.’”
Rachel also warns that
“Kids can be high, and parents don’t realize it. It takes a lot to become astute
enough to tell if your kids are high on marijuana or actually inebriated. My teenage
son brought over a bunch of his yeshiva friends one afternoon, and afterwards my
son asked me, ‘Ma, did you know they were all high?’ I said, ‘I had no idea; they
just seemed chilled and regular.’ In retrospect, they were half falling asleep.”
Rachel’s approach is
let her children experiment now so they can make healthier choices later. “If you
just forbid them to do it, you are really hampering your child’s growth,” she believes.
“If they want to do it, they will find a way – they’ll do it in someone else’s house;
they’ll do it and not talk about it. Or, once they do get a chance to try it when
they are in Israel, they may act out 10 times worse because you wouldn’t let them
try anything.
“One time, my son got
high and didn’t feel well at all. He came home and just fell in my lap. I don’t
think he would have felt comfortable doing that if he didn’t think I was going to
be accepting of him. That was one of the last times he ever smoked pot.”[E3]
Rachel tells me that
the kids know who all the dealers are– even the frum dealers; they know exactly who sells what. “It’s another world
out there, and parents need to get educated and be involved with what’s going on
in their kids’ lives. Some people have not experimented themselves, but there is
always someone’s brother or friend, who they thought was not a user, and then they
find out they are users and are shocked. Everybody basically knows somebody.”
A Wake-Up Call for
Parents
Leah’s*
husband is an ex-smoker; he started smoking
at 13, back when there wasn’t so much social awareness about the dangers of smoking.
Her sons, 13 and 15, watched their father struggle. They knew how much he wanted
to stop smoking and how hard it was for him to stop – and how he celebrated when
he actually did stop. Leah and her husband were always very open about the topics
of smoking, vaping, and drugs – and their sons knew they didn’t think it was okay.
There wasn’t a lack of knowledge, education, or awareness.
Yet, Leah confides,
“My son called me from his out-of-town yeshiva saying, ‘Ma, don’t be mad, but I
am vaping, and I feel stupid and terrible. I just took one and I’m not taking another
one.’ But then he got addicted to it. He called me because the mashgiach caught him, and he wanted to be
the one to call me.
“My son was able to
stop smoking for a while, but then it all came crashing down with COVID, and he
started again. Now, he is very open about it, and we will help him buy it. Since,
my husband is an ex-smoker, he understands the process. He says no one ever stops
smoking by someone yelling at them to stop smoking. Instead, he encourages reading
a book that helped him stop: Allen Carr’s Easy
Way to Stop Smoking. We just ask our son to keep his vaping very private and
not do it in front of anyone.”
The schools in the
Baltimore community and beyond know about the problem and are taking care of it;
they are not in denial, unlike some of the parents she has spoken to about it. “It
isn’t just happening in my son’s school,” warns this mom. “I don’t think there is
a single kid in the community who doesn’t know what vaping is. When I questioned
my very temimisdik 13-year-old, in middle school in Baltimore, about some
of the boys he mentioned that do it, I asked him how he knows. He answered, ‘Because
I heard them talking about flavors in shul and I’m not stupid! They weren’t talking
about flavors of gum!’
“Vaping is so easy,”
says Leah. “You don’t smell from smoke; it is small enough to hide in your pocket;
it looks like a USB stick; you don’t need a lighter; and it doesn’t look like something
so bad. My 15-year-old looks older than his age and can get away with walking into
a store and buying it, although they are not supposed to sell vaping apparatus to
minors under 21,” she continues. “Some stores actually knowingly sell it to minors.
It is sold at Royal Farms and Seven Eleven, places that are easily accessible to
our kids by bike. Parents need to wake up!
“There are also cases of middle schoolers
discovering their entrepreneurial spirit and selling vapes to their peers in school,”
adds Leah, “although these endeavors are very short lived since the school staff
quickly squashes these goings-on. I don’t think these kids are bad or mean
harm; they definitely don’t realize the long-lasting, life-altering consequences
of their actions.”
Concludes this mother, “A parent can only do so much. But
if we all talk to our kids so there is no peer pressure or less peer pressure, it might help. If there is only one kid smoking,
he is going to be the nebach case; he’s not going to be the cool kid.”
SIDEBAR #1:
Shedding Light on Vaping
and Practical Professional Advice
with Dr. Michael Kidorf, Associate Director, Addiction Treatment Services,
Johns Hopkins Medicine
Margie Pensak: How
do e-cigarettes compare to regular ones?
Michael Kidorf: With an e-cigarette, you can breathe in the
nicotine without the other noxious gases and the tar that are involved in regular
cigarettes, reducing your chances of lung disease. That is the major advantage of
these cigarettes; if you are trying to stop smoking, you can have your nicotine
without the terrible chemicals, compared to regular cigarettes. The downside for
those starting on e-cigarettes is that they are inhaling nicotine, a highly addictive
drug, and they may be starting a path toward regular cigarettes. There is a good chance
that kids are not thinking about lung disease, heart disease, and the other preventable
illnesses that come with cigarette smoking. It is sad to think that kids will ultimately
get saddled with these illnesses if they develop a nicotine addiction. I do think
that there is a universal concern – especially among teachers who see kids every
day and are worried about them – that this is introducing smoking to kids who would
ordinarily not smoke. It seems that vaping does that, I think that is a big worry.
MP: What is the extent
of the vaping problem in Baltimore?
MK: We do not know for sure, obviously; we have
no statistics. We do know there is a national problem; we don’t know how much of
the national problem has crept into our community. Nationally, by 12th
grade, almost half of the kids have had some experience vaping. Almost 10 percent
are vaping nicotine on a daily basis. I think the only thing we know is anecdotally.
We see kids vaping, and we know that rabbis and teachers have expressed their concern
about it and have approached our organization, Chayeinu, to try to be helpful in
terms of prevention and getting these kids treatment. In addition, the schools are
very open to providing education about vaping. They see it as enough of a problem.
MP: How old are the
kids who are vaping?
MK: Kids were surveyed starting in eighth grade.
So even by eighth grade we see a significant portion of children who are vaping.
The vapes conceal the smell of the cigarette, so it is pretty sneaky. You can easily
get vapes at a vape shop; they are in gas station convenience stores. Usually, a
vape device costs between $25 and $50. A pack of four pods of nicotine is about
$16. They come in various flavors. One of the important things to keep in mind is
that one of those pods that you attach to the e-cigarette is the equivalent to a
pack of 20 cigarettes. Because they are so easy to use – you don’t have to light
them up or take them out of your pocket – you can puff on them throughout the day.
In terms of legality, the age of purchasing e-cigarettes and tobacco in Maryland
is 21. Even if you buy the device, alone, without the nicotine, you have to be 21
years old.
MP: What are the health
risks involved with vaping?
MK: There are several: 1) By vaping, you increase
the chances you will have an addiction to nicotine, which is a stimulant: an active
and highly addictive drug. 2) Especially for kids, when their brains are still changing,
we worry about the effect of nicotine on their brains. The research, so far, shows
that nicotine impacts the parts of the brain involved with executive functioning,
problem solving, and making decisions. 3) There is research showing that vaping
increases receptivity to other drug use, so introducing your brain to nicotine increases
your chance of using other drugs. 4) There are other chemicals involved in inhaling
e-cigarettes, and we don’t have all the research yet to know if they are harmful.
5) When a person uses an e-cigarette, he dramatically increases his chance of progressing
to regular cigarettes. 6) There is a chance that e-cigarettes disguise other mental
health concerns. This is really the tip of the iceberg with mental health problems.
Nicotine is a stimulant, and for kids who find stimulants really appealing, it may
be that they have some kind of underlying problems that the stimulant is trying
to address.
MP: What can parents
do?
MK: They should stay one step ahead of their kids,
as always, and try to educate themselves about what vaping is and how to spot vaping
devices. They should learn the facts about nicotine – what it is and how it can
be harmful for kids. Kids will come with their own set of facts. They will compare
it to regular cigarettes or drinking or something else, saying it is not as harmful
– and they are probably right about that – but, all things considered, vaping brings
more harm into a kid’s life.
Do talk to your kids
about e-cigarettes and use it as an opportunity to talk to them about peer pressure
and about what they like about e-cigarettes. Maybe the vaping is masking other concerns
that they have – like trouble relaxing or trouble focusing. It may be that the kids
are reaching out and saying, “I need help with certain things in school,” for example,
or “I’m not focusing well; there are too many kids pressuring me about this; I feel
very stressed about all the requirements in school.” Nicotine can help with all
these, but it is obviously not the preferred way of managing these common problems.
Parents need to be
open to understanding that addiction is more likely in their family if it already
has addiction problems. Any time a child comes from a family where there is addiction,
or if the kid has other types of untreated mental health problems, or even if they
have attention deficit – they are often more vulnerable to vaping. If parents aren’t
ready to go to a mental health practitioner, they can always talk to a rabbi. Rabbis
are becoming much savvier about this type of thing. Teachers and pediatricians are
also good people to speak to. We have found many kids who have gotten into it and
now want to stop. Unfortunately, it is very hard to stop once you have developed
an addiction. On the one hand, kids don’t really want to talk about it because they
are a little embarrassed and don’t want people to know. On the other hand, they
want to stop because it is annoying, costing them money, and harming their health.
I think making discussing vaping a more normal thing will help kids talk about it
more and get them the kind of help they need.
SIDEBAR #2:
What Our Shuls Can
Do
These concepts were
shared in a drasha by Rav Yissocher Dov Eichenstein, Morah D’Asra,
Mercaz Torah U’Tefilla.
Children have to have
a sense of purpose in life; if that is satisfied, they will not have a need to fill
a void with other types of things. Often, when people turn to these types of things,
it is because they lack self-esteem, and they can become the “cool guy” in the group.
Other times, it is because they are going through a lot of strife and struggle for
which they need a substitute to fill the void in them. They begin with vaping because
they think it is “healthier” and not as dangerous. That is not so.
I think that many people
do not have happiness in life, and this is what is generating a lot of this struggle.
It is an overall issue. For example, do you have the simcha (joy) of being a Yid?
A simcha of a Shabbos or a Yom Tov, for
really learning a blatt of Gemara or for tefilah?
Unfortunately, all
the gadgets and modern technology don’t allow people to develop the same way that
they used to, which was much healthier. People didn’t have to turn to all these
things as much. That’s why we have a general rise of addictions and a general rise
of people who feel depressed and overwhelmed because they, legitimately, don’t feel
good in their life. It is the job of the rabbanim to infuse purpose into life. Yes,
you can say vaping isn’t allowed in shul and you can be kicked out, but it doesn’t
solve any of the issues. The work of the rabbanim is really to deal with the core
issues of having a purpose in life.
