Inspired by their Rosh Hashanah
resolutions, many people are in the mode of doing more mitzvos. Not
everyone can take on the running of a big organization or do big chasadim
that take time and money. Here is a mitzva that everyone can do, young or old,
rich or poor, Jewish or not Jewish.
The mitzva is kindness. Kindness is
available to everyone and can be done at any time and to anyone, even a
stranger or an animal. You just must be aware of what is going on around you.
In some ways, it might even be a bigger kindness to do something that seems
small than to do something that seems great. Everyone who is capable of it would
save a person from drowning, even if they have terrible middos, but only a kind person will give tzedaka to a man who approaches him in the middle of the street. As
we know from the Torah, Hashem chose Moshe to be the leader of the Jewish
people because he took good care of a little lamb.
Garbage
Trucks and Ice Cream Trucks, Raccoons and Credit Cards
I got the idea for this article
after watching a garbage truck. Walking one morning, I passed a garbage truck
advancing down the street. I saw a man running out of his house holding a huge
garbage bag, hoping to reach the garbage truck. It looked hopeless because the
truck was already rolling on its way. The garbage truck driver saw the man
running and stopped his truck and waited for him: a small kindness that no one
knows about except the man running with the garbage and me!
Here are a few more examples of
small kindnesses:
My mother, a”h, was a very kind woman. She never liked to kill bugs she found
in the house but always carried them gently outside. A story that has become
part of family lore involved a raccoon. My mother lived on Yeshiva Lane. Right
outside her bedroom, there was a garbage dumpster. One night, she heard a
continuous thumping sound coming from the dumpster. She realized that something
was stuck inside. She knew that the garbage truck was coming in the morning.
Although she had already retired for the night, she got out of bed, went
downstairs with a broom stick, opened the dumpster, and rescued the stuck
raccoon.
Even a three-year-old can be kind. One
day, when I was picking up my grandchildren from playgroup, I saw the
three-year-old get an ice pop from her morah
as she left. The five-year-old was jealous. She was so surprised when her
sister offered her the ice pop. She couldn’t believe her good fortune!
My son drives an ice cream truck. The
children often ask for free ice cream. He cannot give free ice cream because
that is what he sells. A grandfather came and bought ice cream for all his
grandchildren and for all the children standing around hoping for free cones.
Then he gave my son money in case any other children on his route asked for
free ice cream.
I read a story about a gadol
who was once in an important meeting and left the meeting to attend a wedding.
His talmid, who was his driver, noticed that the gadol spent much longer than usual at the
wedding and that he asked to see the kallah
specifically to give her a bracha. On the way home he asked him the
reason for this unusual behavior.
The gadol explained, “This kallah is from Eretz Yisrael and is
marrying an American boy. Her family is so poor that no one could come to the
wedding, not even her parents. One day she knocked at my door and explained her
situation. She said she was embarrassed to be all alone at the wedding without
relatives. She thought that if I came to the wedding, people would be impressed
and not notice her lack of relatives. That was why it was important for me to
be there and to especially ask to see the kallah.
I wanted her to know I was there so she could relax and enjoy the simcha.
A single woman had a broken front step. She was afraid that
someone might fall so she stuck warning tape all around the steps so people
would know not to walk there. One day, she came home and the first thing she
noticed was that the warning tape was gone. Then she noticed that her step was
fixed. To this day she does not know who fixed it – a true kindness done without expecting thanks.
I saw a video that took place
during the time of segregation, when Black people had to sit in the back of the
bus. One time, there was no room in the back of the bus so a young man gave his
seat to a Black woman with a baby. The bus driver came over and made the Black
woman get up and stand. The young man offered to hold the baby, and the bus
driver had to admit that this was not against the rules.
I was once leaving a parking lot. I
had cash, but the machine to exit only took credit cards. I could not get out
of the parking lot. A lady passed by in her car. I asked her if she could pay
with her credit card and I would give her cash. She agreed and got out of her
car to pay for me – a true chesed. If
not for her, I would still be in that parking lot!
I live next door to Mrs. Juravel.
Yesterday I noticed a chashuve looking man coming to her house. Mrs.
Juravel explained, “That man is a meshulach for a yeshiva in Eretz Yisrael.
He and my husband, z”l, had a close
connection and usually spoke about Torah for a while when he came every year.
This year, although my husband is not here anymore, he came anyway. I gave him a copy of my husband’s sefer that my sons completed editing,
which was recently published. He was so happy to have that sefer.” What a kindness this visit was to Rabbi Juravel, z”l, who is in olam habah, as well as to his wife, here in olam
hazeh.
Each of these examples is different,
but each one could be done by almost anyone, for almost anyone, and takes very
little time and no money – just caring.
The Writing Life
Since I like to write, I know that an author appreciates when someone
reads what they wrote and comments on it. My son Nechemia, who writes pamphlets
about halacha, feels good when people learn from his sefarim. (It makes his mother proud as well!) Once, one of my
nephews called me especially to tell me that he saw somebody in yeshiva
learning Nechemia’s sefer. That was very thoughtful and kind.
I get a lot of pleasure from writing articles, and I love to talk to
people about my current project. It is amazing to me how each person I talk to
adds another dimension to my article. Last week, I spent Shabbos with my father
in Passaic. A driver kindly picked me up from the train. On the way, I asked
him if he had any kindness stories. He said he would think about it. Imagine my
surprise when he picked me up on Sunday to take me back to the train and
brought a book about kindness that he had read over Shabbos.
I don’t own the book, but he kindly sent
me one chapter from it. The book is about Rabbi Reuven Bulka, z”l, who was a rabbi in Ottawa
Canada. Rabbi Bulka was a big fan of kindness and was actually instrumental in
creating a law in Canada establishing Kindness Week during the third week of
February. I imagine that during Kindness Week everyone tries hard to be kind.
Here is one incident from the book: “Rabbi Bulka was known for always carrying
treats for people. His friend remarked that his trunk seemed to be a grocery
store. As such, the team decided to go to the airport during Kindness Week and
welcome inbound passengers into Ottawa. Rabbi Bulka, together with Archbishop
Terrence Prendergast and Imam Samy Metwally, handed out candies to each
passenger as he or she stepped of the plane.”
To end off on a kind note –
thank you to all the people who took the time to listen to my ideas and to give
me their ideas; I couldn’t do it without your help. And thank you, too, to all
those who read my articles.
Wishing all my readers a year of
small and big kindnesses.
sidebar
Miscommunication
by Devora Schor
One of the obstacles to kindness is
miscommunication. A friend asked me, what is the point of talking about
miscommunication since it can’t be helped? No one can really know what someone
else is thinking and why they do certain things. Miscommunication is
inevitable. But I think that being aware of how often miscommunication happens
can help people give others the benefit of the doubt, which is itself a
kindness.
People often feel snubbed by
others. Ignoring or looking down on others is certainly the opposite of
kindness. But perhaps the “snubbed” one is misunderstanding the other person.
For example, every time Sorah passes Rivka, Rivka never says hello to her.
Sorah, who is very self-conscious about her fashion sense, thinks Rivka does
not greet her because of her less-than-trendy clothing. Sorah cannot know the
reason Rivka is not greeting her, but she should be aware of her own
sensitivities and realize they she may
be mistaken in her assumptions about Rivka.
Another
situation that is part of our modern culture can lead to problems. Many people today communicate by
email or text. It is very easy to misunderstand a message or to get a message
sent to the wrong person. I read the following story in a magazine:
Avraham
asked Yitzchok if he had room to put up some guests for Shabbos. Yitzchok
texted “yes,” and Avraham answered, “great.” The whole conversation was in
writing. Yitzchok was very surprised when no guests showed up after having
prepared the room. The problem was that Avraham meant, “Great, now we have an
option if Uncle Dovid shows up,” while Yitzchok heard “Great! We will use your
accommodations.”
Technology also puts a space
between people – it is different than face-to-face communication. For example,
a lot of people use emojis to express their feelings. The sender and the
receiver might read the emoji differently. Does a “smile” emoji mean that you
are smiling with me, or does it mean you are laughing at me? A bully may feel
more comfortable making fun of somebody on social media than he would in
person.
It pays
to listen carefully to people and to make the effort to learn what matters to
them. But we also must understand that there is a limit to our ability to
comprehend others and just do the best we can. And if we are not sure, we can
give them the benefit of the doubt. This can change our whole perception of the
situation.
