A well-known pasuk in Tehilim (89:3) says “Olam chesed yibaneh – The world is built on kindness.”in Pirkei Avos, gemilus chasadim, doing kind deeds, is considered one of the three pillars of the world. Indeed, it is man’s humanity to man, caring about others and reaching out to them that makes the world a good place to be.
True kindness doesn’t have to take a lot of time or effort. It does take empathy and caring: putting oneself in another’s place and thinking about how that person feels. True kindness is looking under the surface to understand the need of the other person and filling that need.
To write this article, I asked everyone I met about small kindnesses they had experienced. It was a great conversation topic; it was fascinating to hear what people remembered and what was important to them. Everyone I came in contact with was included in my quest to hear meaningful stories: from Shabbos guests to sons-in-law to walking partners to email correspondents. Their answers may surprise you.
Recognizing the Need of a Friend
1) “I had just had my third child when I discovered that my older two daughters were infested with lice. My stress level was sky high, and then my friend sent over a delicious macaroni and cheese dinner. Twenty-five years later, I am still grateful.”
2) “Many years ago, my child was hit by a car on Shimini Atzeres. He was brought to the hospital in an ambulance, and I had to stay in the hospital with him. After Yom Tov, two friends went to my house, picked up my overflowing hampers from a nine-day Yom Tov, and washed, dried, and folded all my laundry. They only told me when it was done!”
3) “While I was in the hospital after giving birth, my husband posted a picture of my other children. My little girls had holes in their tights. I was rather embarrassed, but then I received a package from a friend in the mail with brand new tights for all my daughters. No words, no guilt: Someone saw what was needed and filled that need.”
4) “When I was in seminary in Israel, I fell and broke my tooth. I hate needles and I was afraid to go to the dentist myself. My friend took off school and came with me just to hold my hand. And, yes, it actually did help me cope!”
Recognizing the Need of a Stranger
1) “My immune system took a real hit during treatment, and I had to wear a mask whenever I was in public. One person came over to me quietly and asked me why I was wearing a mask. I explained that I was in middle of treatment, and he asked me for my name so that he could daven for me. I was tremendously touched by his concern even though we had never spoken before.”
2) “I was on bed rest for nine weeks in an Israeli hospital when I was expecting my twins. The other two women in the room had many visitors, but my family was in America, so I was alone. The mother of one of the others adopted me as her daughter and brought me breakfast every morning.”
Easing Loneliness
1) “I am generally a confident person, but I was at a Nefesh conference in Baltimore without my husband. With Shabbos approaching, I entered this enormous room with many people. Each person had found a place at the tables, and I felt incredibly lost and alone. The most gracious woman appeared out of nowhere and instantly intuited my need. Pointing to her nearly filled table, she asked, ‘Would you like to be our Shabbos guest?’ I was grateful for her kindness, grace, and class. In one sentence she turned me from a nebech into a wanted guest. I still get emotional every time I recall that sense of vulnerability and the gentle way in which she eased it.”
2) A Bais Yaakov girl dropped out of high school in ninth grade and is now an adult. Every year, on her birthday, she gets a message from her former principal wishing her a happy birthday. This has been going on for almost 10 years!
Finding Solutions
1) “My wife did not drive when we were first married, so I used to drive her to work every day at a daycare. However, I was teaching when she ended work, so she had no way home. A parent who sent her child to that daycare gave my wife a ride home for two years. It made such a difference in our lives, allowing us to have a double income, which otherwise would not have been possible. Even after our oldest was born, this woman drove both my wife and baby home daily.”
2) A rebbi noticed that a young man in his yeshiva was having trouble socially. He just did not fit in with the other boys. The rebbi had an idea. What the boy needed was a car! A car would help him fit him in and give him status with the other young men. The rebbi used a sudden windfall, $5,000 of an unexpected yerusha, to buy the boy a car.
3) “My elderly father with dementia left the house in the middle of the night and was walking down Park Heights Avenue all alone at 2:30 a.m. A family from the community was coming home from out of town. They noticed and cared enough to stop their car and call me.”
4) A teacher in TA high school reported, “I have difficulty walking and the elevator was broken again! Two of my students actually met me at the door when I arrived in school and showed me a quicker and faster way to get to my classroom without using the steps.”
Allowing Recipients to Keep their Pride
1) “I have children with special needs. My friend who is an occupational therapist would invite me over on Sunday mornings, and our kids would do activities for fine motor skills. Our kids were the same age, so it was a nice play date, but it also made me feel like her equal, not like she was helping my children.”
2) “I needed help with one of my children, who was troubled and was dropping out of school. I called an askan in the community, and instead of saying, ‘Well, bring him to see me’ (which I couldn’t have done, because he wouldn’t have gone), he said, ‘Where does he like to hang out?’ Then he went there, met my child, and introduced himself. Once they knew each other he was able to help without my being involved.”
Saving People Money
1) “In our city, there are meters in the shopping area. You have to have a quarter to feed the meter even if you are just running into the store for a minute. Many people were getting $55 tickets because they didn’t have a quarter. One family started a quarter gemach. Containers with quarters were left in many local stores and quickly began to save many individuals a $55 fine.”
Caring about Emotional Needs
1) “We had just moved to another home and were parking our cars, when I backed up too far and tapped the car behind me. It just so happened that the owner was looking out his window and saw me hit his car. He came outside and started yelling at me. I apologized up and down, and he backed off. The next morning, a woman with a basketful of fresh fruit knocked at my door and introduced herself as the wife of the man whose car I had tapped. She was welcoming me with a fruit basket and wanted to make peace because she felt bad that her husband yelled at me.”
2) “This past Purim, someone knocked on our door to deliver shalach manos. My family had already gone to their Purim seuda, and I was home alone. They had also invited me to their Seuda, but I declined. The next day she came back with a beautiful bouquet of flowers. I was so touched that she sensed my sadness and knew what would make me feel good.”
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Kindness can be done by anyone: young or old, rich or poor, relative or stranger. It just takes a desire to peek beneath the surface and understand the needs of another inhabitant of planet Earth.
It was enjoyable and fascinating to hear the variety and emphasis of the stories about kindness from so many individuals. I would to love to hear more stories about kindnesses that affected you. Please send them to wwwmagazine@aol.com.
