I work in an inner-city neighborhood as a speech pathologist. I teach three- and four-year-old toddlers how to talk. Speech therapy sessions take place in the family home, usually with the mother, child, and me. I bring the toys, and we play. Somehow, by talking about what the child is engaged in, through modeling, repetition, and using single words, a light switch turns on, and in a short time, the child begins talking. It’s amazing and gratifying.
The mothers and I often have a very good relationship. They are kind and respectful to me, often referring to me as Ma’am, as in “Yes, ma’am.” I am kind and respectful to them. When I arrive at the client’s house, I greet the child and his mother with a hearty hello. I tune in to the child with love and kindness, much the same way as I would treat my own grandchildren. I ask the parent how they are doing and really listen to what they have to say. When explaining my treatment methods to them, I am patient and understanding. In short, I am sincerely kind to them. I find being kind with sincerity, goes a long way. After a few sessions, the family acts like they are glad to see me; they smile and treat me with like a friend, and their children run to the door to greet me.
I remember living in a small city when my own children were young. I used a drive-through bank on a weekly basis. The woman who worked behind the glass was just plain mean. She was short-tempered and angry. The first time I encountered her, I decided then and there that I would be kind to her, no matter how she treated me. And that’s exactly what I did. Each week, I would drive up to her window and give her a big smile and ask how she was doing. Lo and behold, within a few weeks, she actually smiled when she saw me and continued to do so each week. Her anger and bitterness towards me eventually vanished into thin air.
When standing in line at the grocery store, I am always in the line that takes the longest time. I enjoy smiling to the customers either in front of or behind me and sometimes make small talk. If items in their shopping carts are too hard for them to reach, I like to help retrieve them. While in the grocery aisles, if I see someone struggling to get an item out of their reach, I get it myself and hand it to them. It definitely pays to be tall! The reactions I get from doing these seemingly small things for people are amazing. They respond as if no one is ever kind to them. They always smile and say kind words and act truly thankful.
I was standing in line (Are we always standing in line?!) at the security checkpoint in an airport. The most amazing thing happened. We were all waiting to get a bin to put our shoes and other belongings inside to roll onto the conveyor belt. The woman in front of me handed me a bin. What a nice gesture, I thought. I said thank you, and she told me the woman in front of her had given her one. I decided to keep the chain going. I passed a bin to the person behind me, who said thank you, and I told her the woman in front of me did the same thing. She turned to the person behind her and gave her a bin, too. It’s amazing how a simple kind gesture can spread so far and so fast!
I picked up a self-help book recently for people who want to get ahead in business. The authors claim that the act of giving is the key to success in business. They are not talking about giving money or favors. They are referring to smiling to one another, talking to each other with sincerity, and doing simple kind deeds.
I remember reading the famous book by Dale Carnegie called How to Win Friends and Influence People. One story described how Dale was at a dinner party and sat next to a stranger. Dale said three words to him: “How are you?” For the next three hours, the person told Dale exactly how he was doing, in specific detail! At the end of the evening, the person told Dale that this was the best conversation he ever had and thanked Dale profusely. Imagine that. Dale didn’t say anything all evening after that simple greeting, but because he listened with real interest, the other person felt respected, heard, and cared for. How often, when we ask people how they are doing, do we spend a few moments really listening and showing we care? A little time and a real interest in another person go a long way.
When I’ve had a day where I’ve shown little kindnesses to strangers or clients, I get such a good feeling inside. I feel happy, at peace, sometimes even euphoric. And I can’t seem to stop smiling. It’s the same feeling I get after a yoga session, without having to stretch more than my mouth muscles. I love watching the reactions of others. They smile and seem happier too. Who knows, maybe this small act of kindness puts a small spring in their step and helps them pass the kindness on to others. Now, wouldn’t that be nice?
I like listening to music while making dinner or folding laundry. I bought one of these little computer devices that acts like a robot and plays music when you tell it to. I can’t believe how small this thing is. When I grew up, I listened to music on a record player, which was the size of my current dining room buffet. This robot device is the size of a hockey puck! If you want to change commands, you need to speak rather loudly for the device to “hear” you. I found myself constantly yelling orders to this thing when I wanted to change to another song or lower the volume or increase the volume or turn it off. Generally, when I want someone to do something for me, I say “please” before making the request. This got me thinking. No one would think of saying “please” to a robot. But there I was, barking orders left and right to this hockey puck. I decided that it would be good practice to say please to this silly robot because I was afraid that, if I didn’t, I would get out of the habit of saying the word “please” to humans.
So, the next time you’re in my house and you hear me saying, “Please play Yaakov Shwekey” to my robot, you’ll understand why.
Zahava Hochberg is a speech pathologist who lives in Baltimore. She enjoys spending time with her children and grandchildren, staging her husband’s art, and interior designing. References: The Go-Giver by Bob Burg and John David Mann, and How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
“The reactions I get from doing these seemingly small things for people are amazing. They respond as if no one is ever kind to them. They always smile and say kind words and act truly thankful.”
“When I grew up, I listened to music on a record player, which was the size of my current dining room buffet. This robot device is the size of a hockey puck!”
