by Shani, Dena, and Daniella
You’re invited to
a simcha – mazal tov! You may think your role in being mesameach (making happy) the baalei
simcha starts at the event, but there are many ways to enhance the simcha
of your family, friends and neighbors before the special day arrives. Brisim, kiddushim, lechaims, bar/bas
mitzvas, and weddings all provide unique opportunities to show love and support
to our families, friends, and neighbors. Gifts are always appreciated, but there
are ways to help out that go beyond the gift registry. What is important is the
gesture. Showing a desire to take an active role means so much to the baal simcha. Big or small, your actions
will speak volumes to the family. Here are some ways to enhance someone else’s simcha.
* * *
New Baby:
·
Offer to watch the other kids in
the family while the mother is in the hospital. This allows the mother to focus
on her new baby and feel reassured that her other children are well taken care
of.
·
Offer to set up a meal train. Some
people don’t get meal trains because no one creates one.
·
Pick up some groceries or run other
errands.
·
Send breakfast over for the new
mother; make her feel good while everyone’s focus is on the new baby.
Shalom Zachor:
·
Host the shalom zachor so the new mother doesn’t have to worry about set-up
and clean-up and can have a quiet house for her newborn.
·
Buy a “shalom zachor cookie set,” which also supports our local bakeries.
·
Send over balloons, baked goods, or
even buy/put together a meat board.
Bris:
·
Offer the bris outfit your baby wore if you’re comfortable. (Be prepared for
it to be stained.)
·
Make phone calls to caterers,
mohels, and halls.
·
Pick up rentals, such as
centerpieces, tablecloths, and other gemach
items.
·
Offer to bring the other children
to the bris so the new mother can
focus on getting herself and the baby ready.
Kiddush:
·
Bring desserts, candy platters, or
cute centerpieces.
·
Stay awhile. Enjoy the food but
also make sure to say mazal tov and hello to the baby girl.
·
Send flowers. You can make your own
beautiful arrangement with two to three bouquets from Trader Joe’s. (Add a vase
for a really nice touch.)
Bar/Bas Mitzva:
·
Host/send over dinner the week
someone is making a bar mitzva.
·
Offer to have younger kids for a
play date before the simcha, when the baalas
simcha is doing last minute prep.
·
Offer to take pictures – candid
moments the photographer might miss – and text them later with a note of how
beautiful the simcha was.
Lechaim:
·
Offer your skills. If you can do
hair or makeup the new kallah would appreciate the pampering when many families
save those treatments for the wedding day.
·
Ask the kallah if she would like to
borrow a simcha dress of yours
·
Stay to clean up. Help put away
folding tables and chairs, grab a garbage bag and throw away empty plates.
Wedding:
·
Help with invitations: addressing,
stuffing, and mailing.
·
RSVP!!
·
Come to the wedding to be mesame’ach chassan vekallah. Your
presence – even more than your presents – matters and means a lot to the new
couple and their families.
Sheva Brachos:
·
Host out-of-town sleeping guests. This
relieves a lot of pressure from the baalei simcha.
·
Help with resources: If you have a
space that’s ideal for hosting a meal, if you have great serving pieces, or
even if you know fun games to liven up the occasion.
·
If you’re co-hosting a sheva brachos, take the lead in
coordinating as many people wait for the direction of others in these
instances.
* * *
Enhancing someone’s
simcha doesn’t have to involve money or physical help. Words that show you
share in the person’s joy will enhance the simcha for them tenfold. Listen to
these statements and compare them to the ones that follow:
·
A new mother is told, “Let me know
if there’s anything I can do.”
·
The father of the bar mitzva boy is
told, “Planning a bar mitzva is a whole ordeal. Good luck!”
·
A newly engaged kallah’s sister
tells her, “Just wait until you have to balance work, cooking dinner, and doing
laundry.”
Let’s turn those statements
into something more supportive:
·
“I’m at the store; what can I get
you?” Or better yet, “I’m dropping off dinner at your door.”
·
“Here is my checklist from my son’s
bar mitzva last month and a list of all the vendors we used.”
·
“This is such a special time, when
you lay the foundation for the rest of your life. Enjoy!”
* * *
Little or large,
partaking in each other’s simchos not only provides help but also shows that we
are all in this together; we are all one klal.
If we look at our history – our Gemara and Rashi, himself – it is clear that
the greatest zechus we have is achdus (unity). The beauty in this is
that I enhance your simcha, and you enhance mine. I bring you a meal the week
of your simcha, and you host my out-of-town family for my simcha. What greater
simcha than to be a part of the ever-growing community simcha bulletin? May we
always share in – and enhance – each other’s simchos.
