I’m looking online
for vitamins. Who wants to pay 12 dollars when I can get them for seven? But in
order to get them for that lower price, I’ll need to spend at least 35 dollars
on other merchandise to get the free shipping. I rack my brain as I think, now
what do I need? How about tights? No. What about my husband’s favorite snack
bars? No, he just ordered a box of them recently. Toothpaste? Shampoo? Nope,
I’m well stocked.
I already know what
will happen. I’ve been down this path many times before. I’ll buy a bunch of
random things, and the minute I press “pay now,” I’ll suddenly remember the
paper plates I really need.
* * *
It’s 10 minutes
until I need to leave for my first appointment of the day. What chore can I
squeeze in before I have to walk out the door? Oh, yes, I have a medical bill
that I can pay by phone. Okay, okay, answer the phone, I think as I tap my foot
impatiently while waiting for someone on the other end to pick up the phone.
When the customer service agent finally answers after I go through the maze of
telephone prompts, I give her so much information before she takes my credit
card that I begin to wonder whether she will also ask me my weight along with
my food preferences. As I dash out the door to my physical therapy appointment,
I’m happy to have crossed one more item off of my to-do list.
I actually enjoy
going to PT. It’s because of the massage that’s included with each session.
It’s also nice not having to think about anything else while I’m there. My
mental checklist is blissfully on silent. But the minute I say good-bye to my
therapist, I’m off to the races once more. I check my watch and see there’s
still time to squeeze in a trip to the post office and the ATM machine. I smile
with satisfaction when I arrive at my next appointment with 10 minutes to
spare. That smile is short-lived once I hear from my dentist that I’ll need to
make another appointment to be fitted for a temporary crown. What’s one to do?
My eyes close of their own accord as I relax in the dental chair.
My next stop is
the grocery store. I watch young mothers lifting their small children out of
grocery carts and securing them into their car seats before stowing their
groceries in their car. I marvel how fortunate I am to be able to shop at a
relaxing pace on erev Shabbos. I am
grateful to be able to remove all my groceries with ease and without any little
person in my grocery cart to worry about.
The frenetic pace
of my morning dissolves into a leisurely erev
Shabbos afternoon. I speak with family and friends while cleaning the
kitchen. I then decide to do some laundry. I chuckle knowing that the thought
would never have occurred to me when our children were little to do two loads
of laundry on a Friday afternoon. Wonders never cease.
Shabbos brings
with it an oasis of peace and tranquility no matter where in life one happens
to be. That’s certainly true for the young mother of many children and right up
to women at my stage in life. Where would we all be without Shabbos? Baruch Hashem. It’s hard to imagine.
My husband and I
are working on moving that tranquility to the rest of our week too. We are
focusing on having more emunah (faith).
We find ourselves talking about emunah
and bitachon (trust) more and more
these days when things go awry and even during times of joy. It’s funny how I
never used to think living a life with emunah
was something I could ever do. It’s only with a lot of practice that I’m seeing
it’s a better way to live.
Giving my worries
to Hashem really helps reduce stress and untangles the knots in my life. By
letting go, my world is a much calmer place to be. I understand now that Hashem
is there to help, and He’s in control. I just have to stop my mad rush and
quietly hand over the reins.
Zahava Hochberg
created the weekly column “Musings through a Bifocal Lens” for the Monsey Mevaser newspaper. She also
created a new section for the paper called “The Silver Slant.” Zahava can be
reached at zahava.hochberg17@gmail.com.
