I got up in the middle of
the night and noticed it was 3:30 a.m. For those of you who don’t know, this
getting up at night business is a middle-aged thing. I went back to bed and couldn’t
fall back to sleep – also not uncommon in my stage of life. It didn’t matter
how tired I was or that I tried my usual mind-clearing, deep-breathing and
muscle-relaxing techniques. Nothing seemed to work as 3:30 turned into 4:30
then 5:00. Once I realized that sleep wasn’t in the cards, I allowed my mind to
wander and thought about my plans for when the sun finally came up. But until
it did, I didn’t want to get up and wasn’t in the mood to start the laundry or
put up a pot of chicken soup.
So
here I am, getting on with my day and feeling a bit foggy around the edges. I’m
too tired to berate myself for thinking that maybe I went to bed too late
(which in this case I didn’t) or that I stayed on my computer too long last
night (nope, not that either). I’ll just try to accept it and hope things will
be different tonight.
I’ve
noticed some quirky things this morning in my lethargic state: like why do I
often store things that I rarely use in the most reachable places in my
cupboards while putting the things I really need in less convenient places? And
what is the purpose of keeping those unused items at all? Well, at least I know
the answer to that one. In the back of my mind, I think that they might come in
handy some time, so I’d better keep them for a rainy day.
Speaking
of rainy days, here’s another strange thing that always happens: Just when I
water my outdoor plants, it rains – without fail. Before that happens, I’m
holding out for the longest time possible and hoping desperately for rain to
come before watering the plants myself. Then when each day is sunnier than the
last, I realize I’d better do something before they shrivel up and die. So out
comes my three-liter water bottle and the round plastic saucers to put under
each plant pot, which prevents the water from gushing down to my neighbor’s
deck below. Then comes the chore of watering each plant with just enough water
but not too much, but it always is too much, which means I have to lift the
heavy flowerpots and empty several saucers of water over my deck rails to the
grass below. Now here’s an idea: Maybe I should become a simcha planner. I can picture myself making sure I keep my plants
nice and dry on the day of the chasana
to ensure a rain-free simcha.
All
kidding aside, I like rain for reasons other than keeping my plants happy. I
like watching it fall from the sky, I like the sound of it rushing over the
creek bed beyond our deck, and I appreciate hearing the thunder that sometimes
accompanies it. I have wonderful memories of sending my children outside to
play in the rain when they were young and enjoyed seeing their happy faces and
hearing their squeals of delight.
I’m
not too keen on the rain, though, when I’m outside of my apartment, but I’ve
gotten better at using umbrellas the older I get. I remember years ago, when I
would diligently bring an umbrella with me when it threatened to rain, only to
forget it in the restaurant where I ate or in the taxicab that brought me
there. Then, when I actually needed the umbrella, I’d get soaked to the skin
while trying to remember where I’d left it. I’ve since learned to carry a mini-umbrella
in my purse. It’s much easier that way.
I
had loads of errands to run today during this cloudy and rain-threatening
morning, which took me until the early afternoon to complete. It didn’t matter
how exhausted I was. I was just thankful I knew how to get to most places and
only needed my GPS for part of the time. I’m grateful for the invention of the
GPS since I have absolutely no sense of direction. I’m not one of those people who
know what you’re talking about when you say, “The drugstore is on the southwest
corner of the street.” I’ve become fully dependent on this little computer
device, but following directions can still be confusing for me – like when it
tells me to turn in 500 feet. Sometimes I make the turn right when I’m supposed
to, but other times I miscalculate completely. I’m that person you see who’s
making the U-turn in the middle of the street and hoping it’s legal, though I
try not to do that maneuver when I’m exhausted.
I
have to say, there’s a good side to being completely bone tired: My brain is
too fuzzy to worry. It’s like I’m operating in slow motion mode and nothing
seems to bother me or penetrate my worry zone – like my kids, or Corona, or what’s
happening on the political scene. I guess it’s a trade-off: exhaustion versus
worrying.
Sadly,
though, I couldn’t keep up my busy pace long enough today and finally had to
take a nap, which knocked me out for several hours. When I woke up and got my
bearings, the first thing I thought was when I put my head down on my pillow
tonight, will sleep come just as easily as it did this afternoon? Oh, well. Thankfully,
the last vestiges of sleep are still with me so at present I’m not in a worry state
whatsoever. And besides, there’s always melatonin.
Zahava Hochberg enjoys spending time with
her children and grandchildren. She can be reached at zrspeech@gmail.com
