Thinking back to
the days when I was a young mother surrounded by my little children, I remember
sometimes wishing I had live-in help. I even thought about how nice it would be
to just wiggle my nose and make everything clean and sparkly. Don’t get me
wrong; I loved being a full-time mother. I enjoyed taking care of my children,
spending time with them, teaching them, playing and reading to them. It was the
household details I found never-ending and exhausting: the endless dishes to
wash and the loads of laundry to do. It seemed like I was always washing
dishes. Apparently, my children thought so too. I remember one day when we were
going out together as a family and my young son informed me that I couldn’t
join them because I had to wash the dishes!
At that time, my
parents lived about an hour away from us. They would come to visit on a regular
basis, and my mother would pitch in wherever she could. My parents would take
us out to eat, or if we were eating at home, my mother would insist that we use
paper plates. “Why don’t you sit down and put your feet up,” my parents would
often ask me. I never understood why they always asked me that every time they
came to visit. I’d look at my parents and say, “I’m fine, really, and besides,
I like to keep busy.”
My children loved
spending time with “Bubby and Gramps” and would ask to be read to or to play
games with them. My parents enjoyed it immensely, but oftentimes, they would
tell their grandchildren that they also wanted to spend time chatting with me.
I never understood that. Didn’t they come to my house to enjoy their
grandchildren?
I remember
thinking, back then, how easy it must have been to be the age of my parents. I
often thought, “What do they do all day?” Their children have all grown up and
are out of the house. How many dishes are there to wash, and how much can two
people accumulate in the laundry hamper anyway?
Fast forward to 30
years later. Whenever I am at my married children’s homes, I enjoy spending
time with my grandchildren. We have such fun together, but I also love to pitch
in and help my daughters and daughter-in-law. I enjoy straightening their
houses, pulling out all the toys that are hidden in and under the couch and
putting them away in their separate containers. I like washing the dishes,
wiping down the table, sweeping the floor, and whatever else I see that could
use some help. I remember how much I appreciated it when my own mother helped
me when she came to our house.
I worry sometimes
about my married children though. They seem to be far busier than I was when I
was raising them. Back then, I didn’t work outside of the house and was busy
enough just taking care of my children and the household chores. It’s hard to
imagine now how my children juggle both a job and a family and still look so
happy. Their homes are happy and peaceful places to be, too. I’m exhausted just
thinking about it all, not to mention feeling physically tired after spending
the day visiting my grandchildren. Maybe that’s how my parents used to feel
after spending time at my house.
My married girls
are all wonderful housekeepers, but being outnumbered by a large brood of their
own makes it quite hard to keep up with it all. When I’m there, I like to buy
meals for the family or, better yet, give money to the couples so they can go
out alone for some peace and quiet. I bring them plastic plates and cutlery to
make things easier for them. I like to help with the grandchildren and babysit
them when I’m there so my children can rest. I sound just like my parents did
all those years ago.
It never ceases to
amaze me how circular the events in our lives really are. When I was a busy
mother with small children, I could only see things from my world view. As a
young mother, I couldn’t understand my parents’ way of life as a middle-aged
couple. If someone would have explained to me how things were from my parents’
side of things, I never would have believed them anyway. I only saw things from
my side of the table. And here I am, all these years later, realizing that I’ve
since moved to the other side. It brings a knowing smile to my face, an
understanding and an appreciation for my parents. There’s also a twinkle in my
eye as I envision the time when my own children will move to this side of the
table, too.
Zahava Hochberg
enjoys spending time with her children and grandchildren. She can be reached at zrspeech@gmail.com
