My best friend and I are so grateful to Hashem
that we still go out for Yizkor on
Yom Kippur. We say, “kein ayin hora”
when we talk about it, like two old ladies. As of late, we wonder how we’ll
ever manage life without our dear parents.
As time passes, I somehow am getting used to the
idea that time is marching on and that I am getting older, though I must admit
it’s been with a little kicking and screaming along the way. I say all the
right things like, “Baruch Hashem, I
am so grateful” – and I really am, but it’s been a bumpy ride; a bit scary too.
While on this odyssey, almost unbeknownst to me, I’ve noticed how my life has
changed for the better. Well for one thing, I have really great friends. My old
friends have been with me a long time. They are my rock through thick and thin.
We laugh and cry about anything and everything and give each other chizuk when most needed. Our life
experiences have taught us so much. We are on the path of spiritual growth and
work towards being better people to each other and try to focus on doing the will
of Hashem. It’s so much easier to make new friends, too. We’re more comfortable
and more relaxed with who we are. We are no longer required to play the peer
pressure games in social situations like younger people do. How refreshing and
freeing.
Other changes on this journey involve time. I
couldn’t spend as much time as I would have liked with my own children when
they were young but thank goodness for grandchildren. My husband and I are
getting to know them as individuals and are fortunate to see many of them every
month. We play and read and laugh a lot. We spend time in conversations with
them about the wonders of the world through the lens of a child. How absolutely
wonderful and delightful it all is!
I now have time to explore what interests me. Now
that my children are out of the house, I am able to leave my home to do chesed. I always loved reading to
children, so I spend time each week reading books to preschool boys in a local cheder. I’ve also discovered new hobbies, like
interior design.[E1] This has brought out a creative side to me that I didn’t know I
possessed.
I’ve made another change too. (Maybe I should
whisper this.) I like to clean! Not only that, but I clean often. Disinfecting
wipes have become my best friend. I have a clean stove top, all the time! I
even clean out the silverware dividers in my kitchen drawers. Who would have
ever believed it? I never had the time or the desire when I was raising my
children. All those years ago, this chore never made it to the back burner, no
pun intended.
I got my first gray hair at age 29, so going gray
never really bothered me – until it did. I am now almost fully gray, but it
didn’t pose a real problem until I decided to wear a short sheitel instead of my usual longer one. It looked more than odd
having gray hair sticking out on the sides of my head among the brown hairs of
the short sheitel, so I decided to
dye my hair. I thought I would dye only the sides, but of course I reasoned
that since I paid for a whole bottle of hair dye, I might as well use it up and
dye my whole head. Which I did. Thirty minutes and one brown head later, it was
done. It didn’t quite get the reaction I expected. I didn’t like how it looked.
Really? When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see someone who looked younger. I
saw someone who looked different but not in a good way. Where was that younger
me with the dark hair? The truth is that not only did dying my hair not make me
look any younger, I realized for the first time that I liked the way my gray
hair looked. I guess I didn’t want that younger look after all. Interesting. In
other words, seeing my gray hair helped me to realize that I should stop
worrying about getting older and focus on the fact that I’m really happy with
my life, kein ayin hora, middle aged
and all.
Zahava Hochberg lives in
[E1]I
put this sentence back. Otherwise, the next sentence doesn’t make sense.
