I am one of those people who hates to say no, so it was quite a challenge for me to share with my friends the thrilling news that I had finally accrued enough credit card points to visit my son and his family who had recently made aliya. As every seasoned Israel traveler knows, it is par for the course to be asked to transport “a little something” to a son, daughter, mother, father, or fourth cousin twice removed, who lives in the Holy Land – anything from a few pills to a guitar. I have to admit that it wasn’t until I was safe above the clouds, at an altitude of 38,000 feet, that I finally felt relief at no longer being in the uncomfortable position of having to say no.
Despite airline warnings regarding taking only items you have packed yourself, I might have been convinced to say yes to at least some of those favor-seekers had I not done my best to fulfill my daughter-in-law’s “U.S.A. Wish List.” (I was the one who insisted she compile it!) The list, sent in several emails from the time I booked the flight in August until a couple of days before the trip, comprised items the family needed. In all, she enumerated about 35 items – everything from children’s clothing, toys, books, and CDs to housewares and food, such as Cheerios, pure vanilla extract, Domino’s Brownulated sugar, Ziplock bags, and Shout stain remover. Diaper rash, teething, and insect bite remedies, among other miscellaneous items, also found a place on the list.
I found every item (except for a pacifier clip) in various Targets, Walmarts, and Seven Mile Market. About halfway through my shopping sprees, a friend suggested that I order the remainder online – which I did, from Amazon.com.
I was happy with my decision, but I found that those who have no loved ones living in Israel found it difficult to understand why I was taking so much time out of my already harried schedule to make the effort to fulfill this wish list. After all, they tried to convince me, it is, as its name indicates, a list of things that my kids wish they could have; they don’t expect to receive all of them. But I was set on doing whatever it took to make their wishes come true – each and every one of them.
Was I some kind of anomaly? I wondered. Was I being too self-sacrificing? Doesn’t every “Yiddishe mama” with kids in Israel feel as I do?
To Take or Not to Take?
My conviction was confirmed when I found at least one “Yiddishe mama” of like mind and heart. In fact, this mother manages to fulfill her children’s wish lists even without making that 5,682-mile trip! While in the midst of my scavenger hunt, my Star-K coworker, Haviva Bulka, boasted how her mother, Esty Yeres, has the uncanny ability to be “in the know” about those planning the overseas trip and never fails to find do-gooders who are willing to deliver her wish list items.
Three of Mrs. Yeres’ daughters live in Israel: one seminary student and two who made aliya. “One of my sisters got engaged and married in Israel; that same sister made two brissim there, which my parents didn’t attend,” says Haviva.
“I send things to my daughters in Israel quite often,” Mrs. Yeres admitted when I reached her by phone. “My kids don’t have a car, and even though many of the items are available in Israel, it is difficult for them to get to the mall or the specific store to purchase them. Also, many items are much more expensive in Israel. I send toys, toiletries, food items, Ziplock baggies, clothing, slippers – whatever is on their wish list. I have also sent my home baked ‘simcha cookies.’ These are a very important expression of love at all our family’s simchas. My daughter became a kalla and was having a lechaim in Israel. I knew someone traveling to Israel and explained that I wanted to send a Tupperware with the simcha cookies. This person went straight from the airport to my daughter’s lechaim to deliver the cookies.”
Both friends and relatives have played “delivery person” for Mrs. Yeres. “Whenever I hear of someone going for a short visit and I think they might only have a carry-on, I ask them if they would take a suitcase,” says Mrs. Yeres.
Mrs. Yeres has this advice for newbie senders: “If you send a peckaleh with someone, always pack and label it well. If you say you are sending something small, don’t bring over something large; keep to your word. Make sure that your children in Israel pick up the peckaleh at a prearranged time and place.”
Mrs. Yeres has returned the favor of transporting wish list items for her friends and relatives, but can often take only small items, since she is taking things for her own children and grandchildren. “Until now, it was my pleasure to bring these American items,” says Mrs. Yeres, “however, I will have to rethink this entire process now that the airlines are charging for a second piece of luggage.”
Should Asking Others Weigh on Your Conscience?
Although I felt vindicated in my decision to shlep a suitcase full of “stuff” to Israel, in the interest of balance, I decided to ask random coworkers how they felt about taking things for others – especially now that the airlines are only allowing one 50-pound suitcase. Would they still do it?
“That is a tough one,” said Renee Auerbach. “Of course I want to help everyone, but it’s not always possible. I guess that if the person requesting this favor understands that I may say, ‘I can’t,’ and makes it clear that they are not pressuring me, then it would be fine. I think it is common decency to understand that, whether there is a weight issue or not. And it’s not only the weight that is the problem. Many times the issue is getting the item to the recipient. Last time I was in Israel, I had to say no to someone, because there was no way I was going to be in a location near the recipient. I think the bottom line is the same: no pressure, understanding.”
Janine Chapman, said, “If I have the extra space in my suitcase, I would gladly take for someone, as I never know when I am going to be the one needing to send something to someone overseas.”
According to Ayelet Millrod, “There are a few elements it could depend on: Is it an emergency kind of thing or just a ‘regards’ package? Is it someone you feel obligated to respond in a positive way, or is it just a nice favor-mitzva for someone you don’t know? How big is the package? It’s also important that the person requesting the favor think about the above, before asking, and should also consider the uncomfortable position he might be putting the other person in.”
Those who wished to remain anonymous answered like this: “If there is enough room, of course. However the likelihood of having enough room is very slim.”
“Yes, I would if I could – if I had room in my 50-pound suitcase or in my personal bag.”
“It doesn’t hurt to ask. It’s up to the person traveling to decide if he or she has enough room.”
A Happy Ending
When I discussed wish lists with Haviva, prior to my trip, I could see that she completely understood why her mother and I do what we can to fulfill our children’s every last wish as though it were our own.
“It’s not that these items are so important, and it’s not necessarily that they cannot be found in Israel,” says Haviva. “What is important is what they stand for; they are an expression of love.”
After seeing the look in the eyes of my son, daughter-in-law, and grandchildren when I unpacked those two 50-pound wish list suitcases, I realized that what Haviva said couldn’t be more true!
Sidebar: Is It More Expensive?
Curious as to why sending American items to Israel is so prevalent, I decided to check the availability and prices of a few American products sold in the Brachfeld community, a 15- to 20-minute bus ride from Kiryat Sefer, where my children live. Keep in mind that, as of this writing, one dollar was equivalent to 3.68 sheqels. These are just some of the products I found on the shelves. Judge their prices for yourself:
Cheerios (395 gms) 18.99 NIS = $4.99
Star-Kist Tuna in oil or water, 21.99 NIS = $5.78
Colgate Total (100 ml) 17.99 NIS = $4.72
Kedem Grape Juice (1.89 ltrs) 29.99 NIS = $7.87
Diamond Heavy Duty Aluminum Foil (37.5 sq. ft.) 13.99 NIS = $3.67
Hellman’s Thousand Island Salad Dressing (290 ml) 10.99 NIS = $2.89
Kellogg’s Frosties (aka Sugar Frosted Flakes) (750 gms) 23.99 NIS = $6.30
Similac, Chalav Yisrael (900 gms) 85.99 NIS =$22.88
Ultra Palmolive Dish Detergent (750 ml) 10.99 NIS =$2.89
