With Purim approaching, we thought it might be helpful to consider the importance of speaking with your children about drinking. It’s an unpleasant topic, one that we parents might want to avoid in the midst of busy preparations for this happy day. Unfortunately, it has become necessary, just as we teach children to buckle their seatbelts in the car and wear their helmets when they ride their bikes.
As
we have discussed previously in this series, teenage drinking is quite common.
The most recent scientific survey across public and private high schools shows
that about a quarter of eighth graders report drinking. Among high school
seniors, well over half are drinking, with 43% endorsing that they were drunk
at least once. Middle school and high school students report easy access to
alcohol, and tend to dismiss possible harms associated with drinking.
While
these statistics are most likely higher than those to be found in our Jewish
day schools and yeshivas, we would be foolish to assume that our teenagers –
even those in the most sheltered of families – have not been exposed to alcohol
and to deny that some of them are
drinking too much.
Speaking
with your children about alcohol use is not a one-time project but, rather, an
ongoing discussion. Substance misuse is often in the news, providing “teachable
moments” to begin discussions about drinking, though any time your child is
relaxed will do. When children are younger (10 to 12), it is reasonable to
simply convey the potential harm of alcohol use. As kids get older, however,
parents might consider adopting a more flexible and open-ended approach. In
addition to conveying factual information, parents should encourage teenagers
to discuss some of their struggles with peer pressure, especially when they
have friends already beginning to drink.
First the Facts…
One type
of discussion is to help teenagers become more comfortable with the facts about
alcohol. Teenagers should know that alcohol is a depressant, that it causes
disinhibition and intoxication, and impairs thinking and coordination. Explaining
that a 12-oz. beer is equivalent in alcohol content to a 5-oz. glass of wine or
a shot of whiskey will help dispel the myth that beer is a safe drinking
option.
Teens
often think that they can stop before becoming drunk. Yet one of the tricky
things about controlling how much you drink is that alcohol harms the ability
to judge impairment. And while eating during a drinking episode can reduce the
speed of intoxication, there are no great tricks to remove alcohol more quickly
from the body, which breaks down about one drink per hour.
Discussions
about drinking should also include information about the harms of drinking and
driving, especially since 10% of teenagers report driving while intoxicated. For
example, teenagers should understand that while it takes about three drinks per
hour to reach a Blood Alcohol Concentration (BAC) of .08 (the level that a
person can be arrested for driving “under the influence”), judgment and
coordination is affected at much lower BAC levels. It turns out that well over
half of all driving-related teenage deaths are due to alcohol.
In
addition to drinking and driving, teenagers should understand other acute and
long-term risks of drinking. Because alcohol reduces inhibitions, teenagers may
say or do things that will be difficult to take back. Teenagers who drink are
more often victims of crimes. At parties in which alcohol is served, teenagers
will be more likely to use other drugs or be involved in other unsavory
activity.
Alcohol
use harms the developing brain in ways that we are only beginning to
understand. Especially for those at risk, teenage drinking can lead to a
lifetime of problems with alcohol. Some of these risks include a family history
of substance use disorder, trauma, ADHD, anxiety or depression, and behavior or
academic problems.
…Then the Feelings
Even as
they convey the facts about alcohol, parents should also consider that the
desire to drink may be a symptom of common adolescent concerns (like fitting in
or asserting independence), routine anxiety (social worries or school
pressure), or even more serious psychiatric issues (depression). We recommend
engaging teenagers in ongoing discussions that offer space for them to express
their feelings, worries, pressures, and (sometimes) misconceptions. For
example, it is absolutely not true that all teenagers drink!
Family Rules Help
We
strongly suggest that parents create family rules for drinking. Some family
rules might include: 1) no drinking before the age of 21, 2) no attending
parties where alcohol is present, 3) no getting into a car when the driver is
drinking. If parents are comfortable permitting their older teenagers to drink
under their supervision, like during a Shabbos meal or wedding, they should
consider explaining to their children why they have created this exception.
Because
most teenagers will be exposed to alcohol, parents and their teenagers can work
together to develop strategies to manage high-risk situations. We often call
this harm reduction, and it is not the same thing as giving permission to
drink. One example is to make teenagers feel comfortable about speaking with
you if they are feeling pressured, especially if they ultimately choose to
drink. Another is to contract with your teenager to never enter a car when the
driver is intoxicated, and to agree to call a parent if transportation is
needed. Teenagers who you worry will drink at parties should be counseled to
eat first, to space their drinks, to stay close to friends, to avoid risky
situations, and to plan ahead for transportation needs. While these can be
difficult discussions, rates of alcohol and drug use are far too high to remain
silent.
The Relationship is the Thing
Any type
of discussion about teenage drinking is most effective when it comes from a
strong and caring relationship. The research is clear that a good parent-child
relationship delays the onset of drinking and, once teenagers start drinking,
reduces the chances of acute or long-term problems. It also goes without saying
that these conversations are more influential when parents are responsible
about their own drinking. Parents who become intoxicated in front of their
kids, embellish the value of liquor, or glamorize past
incidents of drunkenness, are unlikely to have much impact when speaking with
their children.
The
good news is that most teenagers who choose to drink now and then will do so
without significant problems. However, if you suspect that your teenager is
drinking secretly or may have a drinking problem, please contact his or her
pediatrician, school counselor, or another health professional. According to
our best statistics, you will find that you are far from alone. It is much
better to address these issues sooner than later. Happy Purim.
Michael
Kidorf, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist, Associate Professor of Psychiatry at
Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, and Director of Education at
Chayeinu. The Where What When welcomes readers’ questions to this column.
