PetALS and Thorns (Tfutza Publications, 2019) is a collection of essays written by Esther Klein, a woman in Israel who suffers from ALS (Lou Gehrig’s Disease). The book is fascinating because it gives the reader insight into the thoughts of a woman who cannot talk or move but whose mind is working perfectly. She was able to type these articles with great effort using the one finger that was still working. In the preface of the book, her children write that she is no longer able to use that one finger so they had to write the preface for her.
Esther speaks about her hashkafos in life and her great love for her family. She is able to express her feelings in an honest and refreshing way. Somehow when the words come from the heart of a woman who is suffering so much, they are meaningful and believable.
In one essay, she describes how her daughter was on a bus when two women sitting opposite her started talking. One said to the other in a loud voice, “Have you heard what happened to Esther Klein? She has a terrible illness, and I heard she looks awful.” The other woman answered, “Really, who’d have ever imagined such a thing. She is such an energetic, vibrant woman! I heard that she has no chance of recovery and that her situation is critical!”
Esther comments, “What do you think dear readers? Should people talk about others on a public bus, saying the name of their subject out loud? Do you really think you’re alone on the bus and no one is listening?”
She describes comments that people make to her, and she understands what they are thinking: for example, “How did this happen to you? What did you feel at first? How old are you? As people make cautious inquiries, I sense they are trying to ensure it won’t happen to them. It began when you were 60…oh, baruch Hashem…I’m 62.”
Then there were others who with great seriousness tried to make an accounting for Esther to try to figure out why this happened to her. “Esther, it’s unpleasant for me to say this, but I heard about your awful illness and I wanted to tell you that maybe it’s because there’s a kapeida (accusation) on you from Rochel Z. She wanted five days of work as a kindergarten teacher but you only gave her four. I know she’s very upset about it. Figure something out. Bein adam l’chaveiro issues are like fire….”
Esther concludes, “If you truly want to help, say tehilim for me, take on kabbalos for yourselves, make your own cheshbon nefesh…. But do not pity me loudly in the middle of the bus. Meet my dear neighbor Malka, who knocks on my door twice a day to see how I am doing, to tell me a story or a midrash and to uplift and encourage me….Meet my sister Tziporah, the tzadeikes, who gives me a shiur of hashkafa every Friday. Meet my devoted sister Nechama who organizes an evening of entertainment every Wednesday….”
She gives other examples of silly things that people say without realizing how awful they sound to the listener. For example, when she was in the hospital, a young man came and played some Carlebach songs on his guitar. A friend stopped in and said, “You know Esther, my brother was a patient in this hospital too, and this young man also came to play for him. As soon as he finished playing this very song, my brother closed his eyes forever.” Esther comments, “How encouraging!”
Another lady came to visit and introduced her visit in this way: “Do you know, Esther, why I came to visit you? It’s because two weeks before my mother-in-law passed away, she told me. ‘I don’t know what happened to the mitzva of bikur cholim. Why didn’t anyone ever come to visit me? I told myself, I’m going to quickly go and visit Esther before it is too late….” Esther comments, “How cheerful.”
The book is full of insights, ideas, and thoughts from the unique perspective of a woman in a unique position. I found it very inspiring and couldn’t resist sharing them with the readers of the WWW. Thank you to the RYS Library and the Agudah Library, for allowing us to read good books without having to buy them.
