Imagine a young boy named Avraham struggling with his
math homework. Each night, his parents see him growing increasingly frustrated,
often ending his study sessions in anger or tears. One evening, his mother, exasperated
herself, tries a different approach. Instead of saying, “Don’t worry, you’re
smart,” she praises his effort: “Avraham, I noticed how hard you tried to solve
those problems tonight. Your persistence is impressive.” Over time, Avraham’s
attitude towards math begins to shift. He starts approaching his homework with more
determination, slowly realizing that his effort is making a difference.
As parents, we work tirelessly to
provide our children with the best life possible. But our efforts go beyond
just providing for their physical needs; we also strive to instill positive
traits that will help them succeed and grow in life. We want them to have good middos and be oriented to growth. To do
that, we need to foster a growth mindset to embrace challenges and learn from our
mistakes. In the world of childrearing, one of the most important things
parents can do is to encourage children to develop a growth mindset. This means
teaching them to embrace challenges, learn from their mistakes, and understand
that hard work and effort are key to success. And one of the most effective
ways to instill this mindset is through the type of praise we give our children.
In a study published in the Journal of Child Development,
researchers divided kids into three groups and gave them a set of problems to
solve. One of the groups received praise that labeled them as smart or
talented. Another group received no praise or feedback while they were working.
The last group received praise and recognition for the effort they were putting
into their work. The researchers concluded the session and had the children
solve another set of problems, this time without any praise for any of the
groups. What they found was telling: The group with no praise did about the
same the second time around. The group that received “label praise” did worse
in some cases and chose problems they knew they could solve. Conversely, the
group that received “effort praise” did better the second time and often chose
to answer more challenging questions. The researchers found that children who
received praise for the effort they put into a task were more likely to choose
challenging tasks and to persist in the face of failure than children who
received label praise.
Effort praise, as the name suggests,
focuses on pointing out the effort a child puts into a task rather than the
outcome. It encourages children to work hard and take on more challenging tasks
because they start to identify with the effort they put in rather than the
outcome. This type of praise is especially effective in developing a growth
mindset because it teaches children that their abilities are not fixed but can
be improved through effort and persistence.
Sarah is a teenager who loves painting.
Her father, noticing her passion, often tells her “You’re such a talented
artist.” However, after a few setbacks and failed attempts at new techniques,
Sarah starts doubting her abilities, becomes hesitant to try new things, and is
even reluctant to engage in the hobby she once had passion for.
Her father, learning about the impact
of different types of praise, changes his approach. He begins to say, “I can
see the effort and creativity you put into this painting, even though it didn’t
turn out as you hoped.” Gradually, Sarah’s confidence returns, and she becomes
more adventurous with her art, understanding that each effort, successful or
not, contributes to her growth as an artist.
Label praise focuses on the outcome of a task rather than the
effort. This type of praise might seem like a way to boost the child’s
self-esteem by telling them how smart or talented they are. Although
well-intentioned, it can actually have a negative impact on motivation and
self-esteem as the child comes to believe that their abilities are fixed and
that they do not need to work hard to succeed. This can lead to a fear of
failure and a reluctance to take on challenges.
Effort praise, on the other hand,
focuses on the process rather than the outcome. This type of praise encourages
children to take on challenges and to persist even when things get tough. It
teaches them that their abilities can be improved through effort and that
failure is a natural part of the learning process. This will help them develop
a growth mindset and a love of learning that will serve them well throughout
their lives.
