An elderly woman sits at the table in her small apartment. She is lonely and waits eagerly for company. Pictures of her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren decorate her wall. A bride and groom gaze down from a large portrait in the corner. The bride wears a beautiful gown whose long train surrounds her majestically. If a visitor looks closely, she can see that the woman and the beautiful bride are one and the same. Though pictures cannot talk, this one speaks volumes. It tells of life – of how we are all on a one-way journey to the next world. We start out young and full of energy. We fill our lives with activities, good deeds, jobs, and family – improving as we get older, hopefully, and making a contribution to the world.
Eventually, however, old age arrives – if we are lucky enough to reach it. We slow down and need the world to come to us. But though we may not be able to walk without support, we remain the same person as that young one on the walls. We have ideas, thoughts, and values to share.
Many elderly people live in our community – some of them in their high 80s, 90s, and even over 100. Some are survivors of the Holocaust, some fought in WW II, some came from other cities or countries, and some were born and bred in Baltimore. All have weathered the difficulties of life and have learned many lessons along the way. The Torah tells us, in Vayikra, “Lifnei seiva takum…,”rise before an elderly person and recognize beauty in the face of age. Every elderly person deserves our respect, because in their long life, they have surely acquired an understanding of G-d’s world.
Visiting elderly people is a wonderful way to fulfill this commandment. It gives one a chance to get to know a person and appreciate what he or she has learned from life. I used to visit Mrs. Livia Shacter on Shabbos afternoons until she made aliyah about a year ago. I have read many articles and books about the Holocaust, and heard speakers, but she told me many details about her experiences which I had never heard first hand. She described the last Pesach with her family in their home, when they all sat at the seder table and cried; they already knew that they would have to leave for the ghetto after Pesach. They prepared by hiding jewelry and other possessions in the backyard. After surviving Aushwitz, Mrs. Shacter returned to her town and was able to retrieve the things that were buried in the hole.
She told me how, when they arrived in Auschwitz, 14 girls were given a container of some horrible soup. With no spoons or other utensils, they all had to drink from the same container. One of the things I found so hard to believe was that her family was not aware of what was going on in Poland for the first four years of the war, until Hungary was invaded by the Germans. Hungary is not that far from Poland, but news did not spread like it does today. Today, if there is an earthquake in Haiti or a tsunami in Japan, we know about it within seconds. Reading a book cannot be compared to speaking to a person who experienced the Holocaust first hand. It was a real privilege to get to know her.
Since Mrs. Shacter moved to Israel, I have been visiting Mrs. Gertrude (Sumi) Shasho, my daughter-in-law’s grandmother. Mrs. Shasho was born in the United States, but her parents came from Syria. I enjoy visiting Mrs. Shasho because she is so appreciative when I knock on her door. She has turned me into a Rummikub player, and to my great surprise, I actually like playing the game. Mrs. Shasho was the first person I interviewed for this article. When I asked her what wisdom she would like to share with the community, she did not hesitate: “It’s great to be religious,” she said. “I am so happy that my children and grandchildren are religious, because it makes the family unit so much stronger and it makes them into better people.” Mrs. Shasho used to have her own business selling costume jewelry, and she was a great cook of Syrian delicacies.
Another person I like to visit is Mrs. Sabina Bodenheimer. It is amazing to me that, despite the fact that Mrs. Bodenheimer never had any children, she is one of the least lonely people that I know. She raised several children in the community in her long career as a babysitter, and also has the tremendous ability of making friends and sharing in the simchas of her friends. She loves to give brachos to single people who need shidduchim; many singles visit her just to get her brachos.
A very interesting elderly lady I sometimes visit, “Mrs. Roberts,” told me an unusual story that happened about 30 years ago. She and her husband befriended a man from another country, whom they meet in the hospital when Mrs. Roberts’ father was sick. He started coming to their house and asking them to help him find a wife. He put his hand in his pocket and offered them $5,000. Both Mrs. Roberts and her husband refused the money and did not find him a wife. One day they received a letter informing them that they were being brought to trial by the U.S. government. It turned out that their whole house was wiretapped and all their conversations had been recorded. They were accused of trying to help an illegal immigrant stay in the United States. The FBI told Mrs. Roberts, “We never lose a case.” Mrs. Roberts described how the jury sat with ear phones listening to tapes of the conversations the Roberts had in their own home. What an amazing example of what our Sages say about the next world: that all our words are recorded and will be played back to us. It was an interesting story to hear on an ordinary afternoon.
Weinberg Park
Among the assisted living facilities along Park Heights Avenue that I visited for this article is Weinberg Park, next to the Glen Avenue shul. Carol Jackson was happy to introduce me to some of the residents. She had brought some of them to a private room so that we could talk. Carol obviously has taken the time to get to know each resident, and spoke of each person with affection. (I thought it was interesting that she told me how old they were when introducing me. Somehow, we talk about the ages of children all the time; then there is a long period of time when our ages are “private.” At a certain point, however, age becomes a badge of honor!)
All the residents were eager to meet me and tell me about their lives. Hyman Berg is a man of 91. “Where is that guy in the picture?” he joked, when I noticed the photo of a handsome young man in a sailor uniform that graces his dresser. In truth, it is hard to recognize that the young man and the old man are one and the same, but despite outside appearances, they really are. During the war years, Hyman repaired planes for the U.S. Navy. He loves children and especially mentioned how much he enjoys visits from a five-year-old boy who has become his friend. Mr. Berg had a lot to say about his philosophy of life and how he views the world. “I don’t believe in a G-d Who could kill 6,000,000 people in the Holocaust,” he said. He watches the news and is horrified by the number of tragedies that happen every day. Hyman is sure that if he were G-d he would do a much better job. I suggested to him that he really does believe in G-d, because if He doesn’t exist, who is there to be angry at? He thought for a moment, then smiled and agreed. Even at 91 he was willing to consider new ideas. Now that is impressive!
Helen Cohen, 86, is the very proud mother of Jeff Cohen and his wife Peppi, of whom she is very proud She was born in Baltimore and has lived here her whole life. Her parents came to America from Russia, and Yiddish was her mother tongue. She attended Ohel Yaakov, as a child, which was then on Asquith Street. She went to a Hebrew school called the Workmen’s Circle to learn Hebrew and also attended a special class to learn to read and write Yiddish. Helen’s parents relied on her a lot, because she was born in America. “I gently encouraged my mother to be more modern,” she explained.
When I asked Mrs. Cohen about the Holocaust, she told me that her family did not have any relatives left in Europe during the war and they were not aware of all the atrocities that were going on. Commenting on the politics of the time, she told me, “We loved President Roosevelt because he was a great orator. He took the credit for all the new jobs that were created because of the war; we didn’t realize that he was not very helpful to the Jews who wanted to come to America to escape the Holocaust.” Mrs. Cohen is a wonderfully upbeat lady and is very happy in Weinberg Park.
Roberta Rubenstein, 84, came to Baltimore from Long Island. She is a cheerful woman, whose philosophy is to go with the flow each day. She tries not to worry about the past which cannot be changed. She is very happy in Weinberg Park and is really impressed at how well they take care of all her needs. “There is no reason for my finger nails to get chipped over here,” she told me, “because everything is taken care of.” Her best advice to the younger generation is to “get the best education, read a lot, and know what is going on in the world.”
Tudor Heights
“All of the people who live with us are very special,” says Michele Daley of Tudor Heights. “We have some Holocaust survivors and people who are over 100 years old.” Michele obviously has a great relationship with the residents. She jokes and kibitzes with them while still treating them with love and respect. Most of the people had gone on a trip to the art museum, but I was able to speak to a few of the residents.
Gabriella Eichler is a Holocaust survivor, and like many survivors, the Holocaust is uppermost in her mind. She remembers the beatings, the electric fences, and the endless standing in line to be counted. Born in 1925 in Hungary, she and her family were taken to Auschwitz about a year before the war ended. Her parents and younger sister did not survive the war, but some of her siblings did. “I think about my little sister every day,” Mrs. Eichler told me. “She was a beautiful child, and only six when she was killed.” In addition to family photos, Mrs. Eichler has decorated her room with beautiful needlepoints that she made. Each one is framed and displayed and looks like it took many months to complete.
Mrs. Brilliant was sitting on the couch in the lobby of Tudor Heights when I walked in. I went over to speak to her, and she told me a bit about her early life, I asked her what advice she would give to the younger generation. With great vehemence she said, “People should stop fighting and quarreling. It gets you nowhere!” A good piece of advice that more people should follow!
Sterling Hospitality
When I walked into Sterling Hospitality, a number of women were sitting around the table engrossed in a coloring project with Mrs. Lansky, the activities director. In this pleasant atmosphere, I was introduced to Mrs. Brill and Mrs. Cohen. Both these women were so positive about their lives that it was refreshing to talk to them. Although Mrs. Brill is confined to a wheelchair, she was happy and cheerful. When I asked her what advice she could give me that I could record in this article, she told me, “Make sure that you are in love when you get married.” After listening to her describe her husband, it was obvious that she had followed her own advice.
Mrs. Anna Cohen described to me how lucky she was, what a wonderful life she had, and how much she enjoys living at Sterling Hospitality. She has one son and no grandchildren, but she is the proud adopted grandmother of the Meiselman family. She is obviously a person from whom one can learn how happiness depends more on one’s attitude than on one’s actual situation.
Visiting Seniors
Many other nursing homes and assisted living facilities in Baltimore are filled with Jewish adults who would appreciate our friendship. People who live alone or in assisted living facilities or nursing homes often can’t keep themselves busy with the activities they used to enjoy. It might be hard for them to read because their eyesight is not good anymore. Knitting or embroidery point may be hard because of arthritis. Many people they cared about may have died and they miss them. For these reasons, visitors are often greatly appreciated.
Coincidently, the WWW received a letter just this week from Natan Levin, the son of Mrs. Esther Leah Levin, a”h, about a bike ride he is organizing down the length of Israel in memory of his mother. Many people who remember Esther Leah may not know that her mother, Mrs. Mollie Hirshfield, still lives in Baltimore at the Milford Manor nursing home. She is 94 years old, and since Esther Leah was her only child, she might appreciate visits from those who knew Esther Leah.
Mrs. Tova Salb runs a program for Bikur Cholim that matches homebound people with potential visitors. “It all started during the Gulf war,” says Mrs. Salb. “Sadam Hussein had just invaded Kuwait, and we were all petrified that he was going to invade Eretz Yisrael. “I asked my husband what I could do to help the situation. He mentioned that Torah and chesed can change a bad decree. He suggested that I ask Malky Adler if she had any good ideas for chesed projects. The next day, before I had a chance to call Malky, I found her knocking on my door for something else, and asked me if I wanted to arrange the homebound visitors program. It was such hashgacha that I immediately got involved in starting the program.” Tova suggests that a person should look around their own neighborhood for people who would appreciate visitors. We can get involved by visiting people on our block, in our apartment house, or an older relative. “Many people will enjoy visits more from someone to whom they feel a connection,” she says.
Getting to know the elderly people in our community enriches not only their lives but ours as well. It gives us a different perspective to hear how life was 70 or 80 years ago. We should not be turned off by the fact that these people do not have as much energy as we do and may need more help to go through their day. They have a lot to share with us if we just take the time to get to know them. It was exciting for me to meet new people while I was working on this article. Each person is a world onto him or herself, and conversations are a two-way street, with much to be gained on both sides.
