This week, I went to visit my
father, who resides with my brother in Passaic. My son from Lakewood called and
asked if his son Yosef could come to see me while I was there. Always happy to
see a grandchild, I said sure, although I wondered how Yosef would get to
Passaic. I was so surprised when the door opened and the whole family popped
in. The surprise visit made me smile and gave me an idea for this article.
Surprises happen to everyone –
sometimes deliberate and sometimes spontaneous, sometimes welcomed and
sometimes not.
Family
Surprises
My children seem to like surprises
as they also threw me a surprise birthday party a few years ago. One of my
grandchildren’s birthday is the day before my birthday. My son kept calling to
tell me to come to this granddaughter’s birthday party. I must admit I was a
little suspicious about why he was so worried about me coming and made so many
phone calls to remind me. But I arrived and was very surprised. It was a lot of
fun and made me feel good. I especially appreciated the thought they put into
the details that they thought I would enjoy.
My niece Rikki told me, “I was
living in Lakewood, and I flew to Detroit to celebrate my father’s 50th
birthday. He had no idea I was there. My mother had decorated the room with
various gifts, and I hid in a box that was protruding slightly from under our
dining room table. At my mother’s prompt, my father leaned forward to open the
box, and I sprung out, causing him to clutch his heart out of sheer terror! The
memory still makes me laugh! Suffice it to say that it was a super fun surprise
for me to pull off.” Whether Rikki’s father enjoyed it as much is another
question!
A
Colorful Surprise
Color war! One of the most exciting
things about most camps is color war, which is always a surprise. As my son-in-law
Yair told me, “It wouldn’t be color war if it were not a surprise.” Some kids
are always on the lookout for color war starting and some kids ignore the
signs; they like to be surprised. In the camp Yair was running this summer, a
bat flew into the room. The kids who were always alert for a breakout had to be
convinced that this was just a bat and not the start of color war.
Yair told me about a camp that went
ice skating. The counselors brought tennis balls along and threw them on the
ice. They had arranged in advance that the manager would come out and yell at
them for throwing tennis balls on the ice. What a surprise when that turned
into color war!
Many years ago, I ran a playgroup
for three-year-olds. We used to play hide-and-go-seek. The funny thing was that
the children did not understand that if you hide in the same place another child
just hid, everyone will know where you are. Every kid who was “it” ran and hid
in the same place as the previous “it,” but they were all surprised when they
were found! The moral of the story: It is easy to surprise a three-year-old.
To
Surprise or Not to Surprise – That Is the Question
Everybody loves surprises! True or
not? It probably depends on the surprise and who you are. As someone told me,
“I hate surprises. I like to be prepared.”
Sometimes a person may plan a
surprise party because they know the recipient of the surprise would not allow
them to do it otherwise. Chava, for instance, a woman around my age, told me,
“My children knew that I would not go along with a party if I knew in advance.
I am always afraid of ayin harah, and I don’t like big to-dos. So they
made it a surprise. I enjoyed it because it was just our immediate family. They
knew what I could handle.”
Our family once made a surprise for
my mother-in-law. a”h, who lived in
Monsey. She loved to have us visit, but it was hard for her to prepare for us.
I had a great idea. I suggested, “We’ll surprise her. I’ll bring all the food
and bedding, and we will just arrive just before Shabbos.” As it turns out, she
did not like the surprise! She said, “All the neighbors are probably looking at
all the stuff you are bringing in and thinking that I don’t have food and
bedding of my own!” What I thought would make her happy did the opposite – even
though I like to think she enjoyed our visit.
Miriam made a surprise 40th
birthday party for her daughter Leah. “We wanted it to be a surprise, but we
wanted my daughter to be comfortable. Her husband told her that the children
were making a party for her birthday, but he kept it a secret that her parents
and brothers and sisters were also coming. While Leah was waiting in her
bedroom for the children to finish preparing the party, her brothers and
sisters all came and hid in the other rooms. Leah was shocked but somewhat prepared.”
Tova, who lives in Israel, described
her brother coming to her children’s weddings from the U.S. “Uncle Shimmy is
the king of surprises. He completely knocked my socks off a few times by arriving
unexpectedly to my kid’s chasana and literally making the day for me. It
could be I am particularly gullible, but he had completely convinced me that,
for this one, he wasn’t coming. I was
so disappointed, although I reassured him that I totally understood. But then,
in the middle of all our getting ready, there was a knock on the door and a
cheerful “hello!” as Shimmy walked in with two of his boys. I nearly jumped out
of my skin. It was so nice!
“Shimmy has also surprised us in
earlier years; I remember my father-in-law commenting for years afterwards that
he remembers my yell and look of delight when Shimmy came in.”
From
Darkness to Light
What makes a surprise special is
the transition from mi’afeila l’orah, from darkness to light. Compare a
person who suddenly wins the lottery to a person who receives the same sum of
money every month. The lottery winner will be much more excited. We can get
used to anything, even good things. The fun comes from the unexpectedness of it.
My friend Judy Deiner told me about
a very special surprise in her life. When she was expecting her son, 40 years
ago, she had a health issue, and the doctor gave her a long list of things that
could go wrong with her pregnancy. When her son was born healthy after a
difficult pregnancy and difficult birth, she was very surprised – and thankful.
She appreciated her healthy son much more because of the dire predictions of
her doctor.
“One advantage of a surprise,” says
my son Shlomie, “is that you don’t have to worry in advance. If you plan a
party yourself, you are always worried about all the details. If it is a
surprise, you don’t know enough to worry!”
Wishing all my readers many happy
surprises – either as the surpriser or the surprisee.
